for Provenance II: Still Alive4/2/2012 c17 
1Midnight113
Excellent, thanks for the update! I enjoyed reading Carrie's character and I agree with her, even though these wolf boys can be difficult... they do care. Update when you get a chance!
1Midnight113Excellent, thanks for the update! I enjoyed reading Carrie's character and I agree with her, even though these wolf boys can be difficult... they do care. Update when you get a chance!
4/2/2012 c17 huhnj
I check your stories for updates periodically and was so excited to see that there was an update!
I love how this seems to be a "moving" chapter, and is leading towards Kennie and Georgia developing a stronger, better relationship. Even though Ashland was an ass, it definitely had to happen.
I look forward to the next chapter! I loved this one :)
I check your stories for updates periodically and was so excited to see that there was an update!
I love how this seems to be a "moving" chapter, and is leading towards Kennie and Georgia developing a stronger, better relationship. Even though Ashland was an ass, it definitely had to happen.
I look forward to the next chapter! I loved this one :)
4/2/2012 c4 Faster.Youlostme
Dude, I totally noticed how you put in the song We Like Sportz. Hahaha Now that is something to love.
Dude, I totally noticed how you put in the song We Like Sportz. Hahaha Now that is something to love.
4/2/2012 c17 Amelya
Poor Georgia! She's in a really bad place now but I think as if finally someone has shown her the light in the tunnel. Carrie couldn't have been more right with hinting at Georgia's putting her psychology background to use. Great scenes in this chapter although I guess Marilein will be very upset with Ashland.
Poor Georgia! She's in a really bad place now but I think as if finally someone has shown her the light in the tunnel. Carrie couldn't have been more right with hinting at Georgia's putting her psychology background to use. Great scenes in this chapter although I guess Marilein will be very upset with Ashland.
4/1/2012 c17 Annoyed
Hell folks, it's just a story. Why should a complete stranger be DEDICATED to your ENTERTAINMENT ? For free at that. Get real and grow up. It's for play, it's not real life. Nobody's forcing you to read it.
Ahem.
I hope Ashland and Kenny get their asses kicked at some point. Bastards.
Hell folks, it's just a story. Why should a complete stranger be DEDICATED to your ENTERTAINMENT ? For free at that. Get real and grow up. It's for play, it's not real life. Nobody's forcing you to read it.
Ahem.
I hope Ashland and Kenny get their asses kicked at some point. Bastards.
4/1/2012 c17 We Used To Wait
Well, I won't be as brusque about it, but I do agree with the last review. Your chapters lately have been lacking progress as they are repetitive and a bit dragging. The call from her mother was nice, as well as Ashland's ugly personality in his violence towards Georgia, but nothing really changed here.
I also agree with the fact that there is a fine line between writer's block and lack of dedication. Whether that is the case with you or not, it's still unfair to keep your readers hanging on a short update that occurs every few months. If you're stuck, spend some time away from the story and come back when you're ready with your head full of inspiration and ideas. Never display a half-hearted attempt.
So good luck in the future with your story. Hope you don't give up, and I hope it works out for you.
Well, I won't be as brusque about it, but I do agree with the last review. Your chapters lately have been lacking progress as they are repetitive and a bit dragging. The call from her mother was nice, as well as Ashland's ugly personality in his violence towards Georgia, but nothing really changed here.
I also agree with the fact that there is a fine line between writer's block and lack of dedication. Whether that is the case with you or not, it's still unfair to keep your readers hanging on a short update that occurs every few months. If you're stuck, spend some time away from the story and come back when you're ready with your head full of inspiration and ideas. Never display a half-hearted attempt.
So good luck in the future with your story. Hope you don't give up, and I hope it works out for you.
4/1/2012 c17 Hermie
You say writer's block and I say lack of dedication to the story. I would never imply that there should be daily or even weekly updates. That is expecting too much, especially when real life gets in the way which I know it does a lot of the time; however, you appear to get 'writer's block' after you upload pretty much every chapter. Once every month or two should not be as hard as you're making it out to be. And you're right, this chapter really wasn't that good, nor was the last one. They were both uninteresting and repetitive. They repeated what has happened in most of the chapters you've already written. How many different ways are you going to say the same thing before you move onto the next part of the story? Animosity could be shown in other ways. What was new was the phone call to her mother which had little build up and produced little to no effect on my curiosity and Ashland hitting Georgia which got me a little angry but it was brushed over too quickly. Georgia barely reacted.
I used to love your stories, I thought that they were some of the only good ones to be found of the supernatural genre; now I can barely be bothered to attempt to read them when you do eventually upload. I won't bother again. Good luck with your writer's block.
You say writer's block and I say lack of dedication to the story. I would never imply that there should be daily or even weekly updates. That is expecting too much, especially when real life gets in the way which I know it does a lot of the time; however, you appear to get 'writer's block' after you upload pretty much every chapter. Once every month or two should not be as hard as you're making it out to be. And you're right, this chapter really wasn't that good, nor was the last one. They were both uninteresting and repetitive. They repeated what has happened in most of the chapters you've already written. How many different ways are you going to say the same thing before you move onto the next part of the story? Animosity could be shown in other ways. What was new was the phone call to her mother which had little build up and produced little to no effect on my curiosity and Ashland hitting Georgia which got me a little angry but it was brushed over too quickly. Georgia barely reacted.
I used to love your stories, I thought that they were some of the only good ones to be found of the supernatural genre; now I can barely be bothered to attempt to read them when you do eventually upload. I won't bother again. Good luck with your writer's block.
3/31/2012 c17 3Smartgirl94
This is good, I almost forgot about this story lol. Quick question when are you going to update Provenance I? Please update soon :D
3Smartgirl94This is good, I almost forgot about this story lol. Quick question when are you going to update Provenance I? Please update soon :D
3/31/2012 c17 2akaCHEEKS
Common mistakes:
"She shifted, dithering whether or not she wanted to go to him, or simply stay in the doorway." The word "dithering" should be switched to "dithered", otherwise you'll have a subject/verb agreement issues going on. Your previous verb is "shifted" and the latter one is "wanted" so "dithered" should agree with those verbs.
"...his blue green eyes piercing her" The words "blue green" should be connected since they're not separate entities, they're the color of his eyes. It should look like: "blue-green".
"Georgia stood, feeling suddenly like she was caught in headlights." The flow of the sentence is interrupted by the order of the words. I would suggest switching "feeling" and "suddenly" to give a better word flow to the sentence. Essentially, it would look like: "Georgia stood, suddenly feeling like she was caught in [the] headlights."
"...advancing across the hardwood floors" When you say "floors" I get this weird image of hardwood floors-as in multiple floors-right on top of the other. I think you should switch it from plural to one "floor". It's kind of a given that the floors would be one floor that's hardwood. Does that make sense?
"She watched his lips curl up, baring his enlarging canines as his blue green eyes turned a light green" Again, you have a subject-verb agreement issue here. Your previous verb is "watched" and the latter one is "turned" but you describe his canines as "enlarging" when I think "enlarged" would be more appropriate.
"...so you can just walk out the door without a guilty conscious." When you say "conscious" do you mean "conscience"? Conscious is when you're consciously doing something, as in knowingly doing something; whereas, conscience is your subconscious.
"He had this inexplicable ability to maker her feel impossibly weak" I want to point out your typo with the word "maker". I think you meant "make her".
"...her very existence and for a while she has taken it." Another subject-verb agreement issue. "Has" should be "had" since she's not taking his attitude anymore, but she was, so it would "she had taken it"-past tense.
"She had come to Carrie to talk earlier…" You have unnecessary words that you could take out here, for example, the sentence can be short and concise like: "She came to talk to Carrie earlier..."
"She watched his nostrils flare slightly, his pupils contracting slightly" There's subject-verb agreement issues and too much "slightly", you could have condensed this into: "She watched his nostrils flare and pupils contract slightly".
"Carrie had always been quite closed mouth about her marriage after their initial meeting" S/v agreement issue. "Mouth" should be "mouthed" because prior to that verb, you used "had" and "closed" which are past-tense.
As for my comments...
I am honestly not attempting to undermine your ability as a writer, these are just suggestions that you can take into consideration or ignore. It just so happens that while I was reading, these mistakes jumped at me so clearly that I had to fix your grammar and/or punctuation. You're an amazing word smith and I'm just trying to help you hone your craft, that's all. I mean no offense, in any way, whatsoever.
As for actually responding to your chapter, I'm sure the next one will have Ashland and Ken fighting over Georgia's wound, no matter how artificial it is, right? The situation just keeps on getting worse the more Georgia insists on making stupid decisions. Ken will probably smell whoever hit her on her person and go after his alpha. Goodness.
2akaCHEEKSCommon mistakes:
"She shifted, dithering whether or not she wanted to go to him, or simply stay in the doorway." The word "dithering" should be switched to "dithered", otherwise you'll have a subject/verb agreement issues going on. Your previous verb is "shifted" and the latter one is "wanted" so "dithered" should agree with those verbs.
"...his blue green eyes piercing her" The words "blue green" should be connected since they're not separate entities, they're the color of his eyes. It should look like: "blue-green".
"Georgia stood, feeling suddenly like she was caught in headlights." The flow of the sentence is interrupted by the order of the words. I would suggest switching "feeling" and "suddenly" to give a better word flow to the sentence. Essentially, it would look like: "Georgia stood, suddenly feeling like she was caught in [the] headlights."
"...advancing across the hardwood floors" When you say "floors" I get this weird image of hardwood floors-as in multiple floors-right on top of the other. I think you should switch it from plural to one "floor". It's kind of a given that the floors would be one floor that's hardwood. Does that make sense?
"She watched his lips curl up, baring his enlarging canines as his blue green eyes turned a light green" Again, you have a subject-verb agreement issue here. Your previous verb is "watched" and the latter one is "turned" but you describe his canines as "enlarging" when I think "enlarged" would be more appropriate.
"...so you can just walk out the door without a guilty conscious." When you say "conscious" do you mean "conscience"? Conscious is when you're consciously doing something, as in knowingly doing something; whereas, conscience is your subconscious.
"He had this inexplicable ability to maker her feel impossibly weak" I want to point out your typo with the word "maker". I think you meant "make her".
"...her very existence and for a while she has taken it." Another subject-verb agreement issue. "Has" should be "had" since she's not taking his attitude anymore, but she was, so it would "she had taken it"-past tense.
"She had come to Carrie to talk earlier…" You have unnecessary words that you could take out here, for example, the sentence can be short and concise like: "She came to talk to Carrie earlier..."
"She watched his nostrils flare slightly, his pupils contracting slightly" There's subject-verb agreement issues and too much "slightly", you could have condensed this into: "She watched his nostrils flare and pupils contract slightly".
"Carrie had always been quite closed mouth about her marriage after their initial meeting" S/v agreement issue. "Mouth" should be "mouthed" because prior to that verb, you used "had" and "closed" which are past-tense.
As for my comments...
I am honestly not attempting to undermine your ability as a writer, these are just suggestions that you can take into consideration or ignore. It just so happens that while I was reading, these mistakes jumped at me so clearly that I had to fix your grammar and/or punctuation. You're an amazing word smith and I'm just trying to help you hone your craft, that's all. I mean no offense, in any way, whatsoever.
As for actually responding to your chapter, I'm sure the next one will have Ashland and Ken fighting over Georgia's wound, no matter how artificial it is, right? The situation just keeps on getting worse the more Georgia insists on making stupid decisions. Ken will probably smell whoever hit her on her person and go after his alpha. Goodness.
3/31/2012 c17 smrae
This chapter was sad but I'm really glad you updated!
As usual I am hooked to this story and I am looking forward to the next one :)
This chapter was sad but I'm really glad you updated!
As usual I am hooked to this story and I am looking forward to the next one :)
3/31/2012 c17 3missmarymacintosh
I was so excited to read this, I was excited to see that you had updated and I wasn't disappointed! I am on the edge of my seat seeing what will happen next and I really feel for Georgia...
3missmarymacintoshI was so excited to read this, I was excited to see that you had updated and I wasn't disappointed! I am on the edge of my seat seeing what will happen next and I really feel for Georgia...
3/31/2012 c17 npw
im happy that you uldted but disspointed that its such a short chapter hope you update soon
im happy that you uldted but disspointed that its such a short chapter hope you update soon
3/31/2012 c16 anon
Your fiancee said your wolves sound like they have multiple personalities, but to me they just seem like abusive assholes.I mean damn, there are men(and even women) that would be locked away for the shit they do to their so called mates.
Your fiancee said your wolves sound like they have multiple personalities, but to me they just seem like abusive assholes.I mean damn, there are men(and even women) that would be locked away for the shit they do to their so called mates.
3/31/2012 c17 elle
OMFG! How dare ashland hit Georgia! Everything she said is true! F-cken gawd dayum. I feel horrible for Georgia. She is abused and it's crazy how everyone expects her to develop Stockholm Syndome or something, ABSURD! And her friend is a bunch of bastard. I remember clearly that Georgia helped them out and was there for them whenever they had trouble but but they got mates they can't even support her. Forget her friends, I'm going to be mad as hell if Georgia doesn't fight this unfairness. Heck,it would be better if she killed herself. I wouldn't want to be apart of this crap. But whatever. Thank you for updating. I'm glad you put something up even though you have a writers block.
OMFG! How dare ashland hit Georgia! Everything she said is true! F-cken gawd dayum. I feel horrible for Georgia. She is abused and it's crazy how everyone expects her to develop Stockholm Syndome or something, ABSURD! And her friend is a bunch of bastard. I remember clearly that Georgia helped them out and was there for them whenever they had trouble but but they got mates they can't even support her. Forget her friends, I'm going to be mad as hell if Georgia doesn't fight this unfairness. Heck,it would be better if she killed herself. I wouldn't want to be apart of this crap. But whatever. Thank you for updating. I'm glad you put something up even though you have a writers block.