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for Mistaken Anger

7/25/2010 c1 43losing oxygen
First off, I'm the kind of person who likes short lines. So, if I had my way, this poem would have 3-4-5 word lines.

Putting my personal preferences aside, it was somewhat confusing, but I still got what you were talking about. The concept I got from it was the fact that anger is really other emotions that have been twisted into anger by the mind. Am I right? Ah well, it doesn't really matter.

Over all, I really liked this poem. It wasn't what I'd usually read, but it was a nice change of pace, I guess. So great job with it!

xoxo,

evanescent me and my dreams
7/1/2010 c1 4Triais31
Very nice! I love the extended metaphors and, as everyone else has said, beautiful use of imagery. Keep it up!
7/1/2010 c1 3MusicKillsThePain
I really loved this poem. Well thought out and deep. Nice work.
7/1/2010 c1 1butterflycaught
Now this, THIS, is not fit for this earth. It is not a earthly thing, I fear, because it bears so much truth. I would not have believed that so much truth could exist in this world, but you have a keen perception of life. It is a rare gift for someone to be able to capture the raw, bloody, and gut-wrenching truths that we face day to day. It takes a strong heart and a sharp mind to be able to pick away at the illusions we surround ourselves with until nothing is left but the naked and gasping reality of our pitiful existences. I love that you are capable of capturing human frailty and 'putting it in its own box' so to speak. It is really quite a beautiful gift. It seems as though you understand very well just how fragile and precious everything we know is at this moment. Yes, this is not an earthly thing. This is the wisdom of someone who had been to the ends of the earth and back again.
6/26/2010 c1 2Poison Sweet Madeira
I felt like this had real meaning to it, though I never even thought about this before. It reminded me of a kid I know who has an Autistic Spectrum Disorder and so has trouble figuring out how people are feeling by how they act - but after reading this, I think maybe that's not so much a handicap than a gift. It's true we ought to assume less from what we see.

~PSwM
6/14/2010 c1 8A Lost Hero
It's a really well planned and thought out free-verse poem. I loved the colored box metaphor. :)
6/10/2010 c1 Punslinger
I enjoyed your emotional roller Coaster ride. The title is apt for young people whose inner turmoil is often so confusing that they can't sort out and pin down their feelings. Older folks like me learn to identify specific targets for our anger and focus on them.

The poem seems somewhat overwritten to me, but I couldn't tell you what to cut. Each line is well crafted and packs a punch. I don't know why you wrote "Nothing is as plainly as it seems" instead of "plain" but I guess you had a good reason.

P.S. Since you are a self-identified Asian, you may enjoy my short-short-short story titled "Wong, Wong & White."
6/9/2010 c1 flies.like.decay
Actually, I thought the repetition was great. It reinforced the idea that we often misunderstand our feelings and, since there is no box for anger, it is often just a pent-up... But I wonder if "it's" should actually be "its"?
6/9/2010 c1 1Packet-Nancy
Alright, poetry ...

I'm going to give you a touch of constructive criticism, so please don't feel offended if I pick out anything I found that I disliked, I'm not a marvellous writer myself, so my word isn't gospel, it's only opinion, but I'll try my hardest to tell you how I think you could improve! I promise! :P

Alrighty! Let's get on with it ...

You have some wonderful, very quaint, delicate imagery going on here!

Example:

" Placing sudden voices in a certain box. "

I picked up on this line especially seeing as not only does a 'certain box' come across as something delicate (so many people have a "certain box" for special things, be it jewellery or old keep sakes, you just can't help but to imagine it)but it contrasts strongly with the 'sudden' description.

Single line, very impressive technique.

HOWEVER I am seriously put off by the repetition of the first two lines throughout. Repetition in poetry always sends me a slight, chilling "emo teen flick" vibe ... it's dirt common and unattractive in any literature, but I can deal with it on it's own...

- the only issue is that it really isn't. Your subject matter is also very teen. Emotions and angst are one of the strongest things to write given that they're done right, problem is it doesn't take much to overdo them and once your there it can push a potentially fantastic piece of text into awful places.

Lose the chorus-like repetition I think and you will end up with a far stronger, more professional piece!

Your imagery just ... like the references to old fairy stories ... it's simply stunning. An absolute treat to read. Conjures the most gorgeous mental images.

I found your words to have a nice beat, they all sound nice when spoken aloud. The one long continuous stanza is very clever, it really just reflects the nature of human confusion and misplaced anger. An eternal circle, without spaces or pause for breath. Very clever indeed.

Something about it seemed awkward, perhaps reflecting on an awkward narrator? Maybe even reminisce of a furious, confused rant.

I liked it.

Especially the imagery. Don't give up, there's definitely a talent for poetry here!

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