for The Power of Destiny9/16/2017 c25 Guest
I liked the story until the rape. This is promoting rape as it puts it into a light as if it is okay if there is a reason behind it. Also it seems every criminal in your story first thinks of raping. The characters do not show many different layers. Also some happenings are rashed like you just need to get the story going.
There are many opportunities to give your story more depth and giving it time to develop.
For example the mating. It's just there.
Also what about the little girl who's mother got killed?
What about Sebastian?
What about the ferry queen or the Dragon ruler?
You have many storylines ending in nothing while the main story is one act following the other without an increase in drama. Give the reader time to really understand what consequences there are before you through the results at him. You have very good ideas. I don't mean to criticize only, but I would like to tell you what came to my mind reading this.
I liked the story until the rape. This is promoting rape as it puts it into a light as if it is okay if there is a reason behind it. Also it seems every criminal in your story first thinks of raping. The characters do not show many different layers. Also some happenings are rashed like you just need to get the story going.
There are many opportunities to give your story more depth and giving it time to develop.
For example the mating. It's just there.
Also what about the little girl who's mother got killed?
What about Sebastian?
What about the ferry queen or the Dragon ruler?
You have many storylines ending in nothing while the main story is one act following the other without an increase in drama. Give the reader time to really understand what consequences there are before you through the results at him. You have very good ideas. I don't mean to criticize only, but I would like to tell you what came to my mind reading this.
8/8/2013 c23 
9AKhwab
Yayyy! It finally over! So glad that everything pieced together just fine. You did a good job. In the last few chapters, you displayed the tendacy of using "you're" instead of "your". Please fix that and the other mistakes when you have time :) I think your story is quite publisher-worthy. You never told us what happened to Sebastian? Remember how he was talking weirdly to Shayla? I thought you were going to follow-up on that. What happened? And how can Mateo just call off the bethrotal like that? I felt that was anti-climatic. I was expecting more of dealing with the technicalities of what the Fairy Queen had declared. What happened to Madeleine?
9AKhwabYayyy! It finally over! So glad that everything pieced together just fine. You did a good job. In the last few chapters, you displayed the tendacy of using "you're" instead of "your". Please fix that and the other mistakes when you have time :) I think your story is quite publisher-worthy. You never told us what happened to Sebastian? Remember how he was talking weirdly to Shayla? I thought you were going to follow-up on that. What happened? And how can Mateo just call off the bethrotal like that? I felt that was anti-climatic. I was expecting more of dealing with the technicalities of what the Fairy Queen had declared. What happened to Madeleine?
6/24/2013 c3 ChrnoDude
Hmm, I have never read a dragon story, usually all I find is wolves. This seems pretty promising though.
Hmm, I have never read a dragon story, usually all I find is wolves. This seems pretty promising though.
12/30/2012 c9 19Alaeryel
LOVED THE CHAPTER and I would MOST DEFINITELY READ the other story in the other two's perspective-I just CANNOT SEEM TO GET ENOUGH OF YOUR WRITING AND YOUR STORIES-THEY DEEPLY TOUCH MY HEART!
19AlaeryelLOVED THE CHAPTER and I would MOST DEFINITELY READ the other story in the other two's perspective-I just CANNOT SEEM TO GET ENOUGH OF YOUR WRITING AND YOUR STORIES-THEY DEEPLY TOUCH MY HEART!
12/30/2012 c7 Alaeryel
I have LOVED all the chapters myself Des and think you are doing a GREAT JOB! I LOVE how Lucian's dragon keeps saying 'MINE'-it makes me SMILE!
I have LOVED all the chapters myself Des and think you are doing a GREAT JOB! I LOVE how Lucian's dragon keeps saying 'MINE'-it makes me SMILE!
12/30/2012 c6 Alaeryel
YOU ARE EXCEPTIONAL at telling a story and the writing is AMAZING! I cannot get enough!
YOU ARE EXCEPTIONAL at telling a story and the writing is AMAZING! I cannot get enough!