for Monsters2/26/2011 c1 
612simpleplan13
The green shoes line didn't really make any sense. Just seemed to be there for the rhyme.
"And their favorite toys, they eat for lunch"... this confused me about whether their is the children or the monsters.
I do like it though. It's cute and sweet. I especially love that last line.
Thanks again for the reviews.
612simpleplan13The green shoes line didn't really make any sense. Just seemed to be there for the rhyme.
"And their favorite toys, they eat for lunch"... this confused me about whether their is the children or the monsters.
I do like it though. It's cute and sweet. I especially love that last line.
Thanks again for the reviews.
6/26/2010 c1 3Dextra
I don't think it's that forced. It flows pretty well, actually. Nice rhythem.
I sleep with two stuffed dogs still, too. It's more out of habit also. :D I love stuffed animals.
I love your poem, you are very good at writing children's poems.
Keep on writing,
~Dextra
3DextraI don't think it's that forced. It flows pretty well, actually. Nice rhythem.
I sleep with two stuffed dogs still, too. It's more out of habit also. :D I love stuffed animals.
I love your poem, you are very good at writing children's poems.
Keep on writing,
~Dextra
6/23/2010 c1 JuniperRhose
The ending was super cute. I'm 23 years old and still sleep with my bear, although I like to say it's just because of habit, not fear. :P
The rhyme might have felt a little forced at times, but over-all, very well written. It does a great job taking the reader (or at least this reader) back to being a kid and wondering about monsters.
The ending was super cute. I'm 23 years old and still sleep with my bear, although I like to say it's just because of habit, not fear. :P
The rhyme might have felt a little forced at times, but over-all, very well written. It does a great job taking the reader (or at least this reader) back to being a kid and wondering about monsters.
6/16/2010 c1 10Vroooommmmmm
wow...really a great poem...directly from the heart and something diff that i have read..nice name for a poem and very well written..
keep writing...and nice rhymes...
Varun ~Roadhouse
10Vroooommmmmmwow...really a great poem...directly from the heart and something diff that i have read..nice name for a poem and very well written..
keep writing...and nice rhymes...
Varun ~Roadhouse
6/16/2010 c1 6Supernatural 101
the rhyms are a little forced but i love the concept of it. Very good.
6Supernatural 101the rhyms are a little forced but i love the concept of it. Very good.
6/15/2010 c1 16Creeping Collarbones
You have a talent for writing children's poetry! This is very cute. The rhymes didn't seem forced to me.
Good job! (:
16Creeping CollarbonesYou have a talent for writing children's poetry! This is very cute. The rhymes didn't seem forced to me.
Good job! (:
6/15/2010 c1 1JaffaFoose
Haha. Well, it was pretty cute, but I do have to agree with you that the rhyming felt pretty forced, I’m sorry to say. Overall, it kinda ruined the flow of the poem for me. But it was still enjoyable, and definitely cute.
1JaffaFooseHaha. Well, it was pretty cute, but I do have to agree with you that the rhyming felt pretty forced, I’m sorry to say. Overall, it kinda ruined the flow of the poem for me. But it was still enjoyable, and definitely cute.
6/15/2010 c1 8Kobra Kid
This was really cute, even though its about monsters. :). I loved the rhyming and how the poem flowed together, and it definitetly sounds like its coming from a child's POV. Keep on writing! :D
~B. Cross from the Roadhouse
P.S. Payback via Rise From The Ashes? :)
8Kobra KidThis was really cute, even though its about monsters. :). I loved the rhyming and how the poem flowed together, and it definitetly sounds like its coming from a child's POV. Keep on writing! :D
~B. Cross from the Roadhouse
P.S. Payback via Rise From The Ashes? :)
6/15/2010 c1 1esthaelum
This was a nice poem. I like how you captured the child's mind into this poem. It really did sound like a child, so good job on that. I like how lively this poem was. It even sounded naive and innocent, just like a child would sound like. Overall, great poem!
From the Roadhouse~
Pretty please repay via The Unwanted?
1esthaelumThis was a nice poem. I like how you captured the child's mind into this poem. It really did sound like a child, so good job on that. I like how lively this poem was. It even sounded naive and innocent, just like a child would sound like. Overall, great poem!
From the Roadhouse~
Pretty please repay via The Unwanted?
6/15/2010 c1 this wild abyss
I would say that the rhyme seems forced...just that it's generic. Like something a kid could think up, but since that's your intended audience, I don't think it's that big of a deal. There was one punctuation error: "Cause monsters will squash [you,] they weigh a ton!" Because it's two separate sentences, you should use a semicolon instead of a comma.
The poem itself was very nice. I think eveyr child has an issue with monsters in one shape or form. (Mine were a family of giant bumblebees that buzzed all night long.) This piece is relatable and cute. Nicely done!
Adonnen (The Roadhouse)
I would say that the rhyme seems forced...just that it's generic. Like something a kid could think up, but since that's your intended audience, I don't think it's that big of a deal. There was one punctuation error: "Cause monsters will squash [you,] they weigh a ton!" Because it's two separate sentences, you should use a semicolon instead of a comma.
The poem itself was very nice. I think eveyr child has an issue with monsters in one shape or form. (Mine were a family of giant bumblebees that buzzed all night long.) This piece is relatable and cute. Nicely done!
Adonnen (The Roadhouse)
6/15/2010 c1 5Connor Mack
What a great poem! It's honestly like reading a children's book...not that I read them regularly..
Other than the 'the' 'they' typo, I couldn't find anything wrong with it. The rhyming doesn't seem forced to me at all, and it's simply a nice, short little poem for kids. A very fun read, and very well done!
5Connor MackWhat a great poem! It's honestly like reading a children's book...not that I read them regularly..
Other than the 'the' 'they' typo, I couldn't find anything wrong with it. The rhyming doesn't seem forced to me at all, and it's simply a nice, short little poem for kids. A very fun read, and very well done!
6/15/2010 c1 12lianoid
The are big and blue,
-Edit: I think you want 'The' to be 'They'.
I really liked the rhyming here. I've tried my hand at free verse a few times, but I lean more towards rhymes. Some of the lines didn't have the same number of syllables, which made reading some parts a little awkward. But overall I thought this was good. Even though the subject matter was a little bit dark (for a small child) I thought your tone was nice and light, and so the balance between the two was wonderful.
I really like the first stanza, particularly the third and fourth lines. I can feel the narrator's curiosity, and I thought that it was a perfect way to begin a poem. Overall everything flowed pretty well, and I think this is a marvellous second children's poem. Keep it up.
Liana
12lianoidThe are big and blue,
-Edit: I think you want 'The' to be 'They'.
I really liked the rhyming here. I've tried my hand at free verse a few times, but I lean more towards rhymes. Some of the lines didn't have the same number of syllables, which made reading some parts a little awkward. But overall I thought this was good. Even though the subject matter was a little bit dark (for a small child) I thought your tone was nice and light, and so the balance between the two was wonderful.
I really like the first stanza, particularly the third and fourth lines. I can feel the narrator's curiosity, and I thought that it was a perfect way to begin a poem. Overall everything flowed pretty well, and I think this is a marvellous second children's poem. Keep it up.
Liana
6/15/2010 c1 9Experiment101
There is a sweet innocent touch to this, I enjoyed the rhyming flow you had here its very good.
9Experiment101There is a sweet innocent touch to this, I enjoyed the rhyming flow you had here its very good.