for Smoke1/9/2011 c1 
76Rhocar
Good to see you taking a different angle, yes there is a little romance, maybe at a later date you may feel the urge to take him to other places with other people, what makes a drifter tick?
As always an enjoyable read
76RhocarGood to see you taking a different angle, yes there is a little romance, maybe at a later date you may feel the urge to take him to other places with other people, what makes a drifter tick?
As always an enjoyable read
6/20/2010 c1 4HighOnBrokenWings
Lovely pace to the piece. It doesnt rant or daunt on ideas for too long, but it does roll from one thing to the next that just has your brain flowing. I love the anology with the smoke - especially because that's the title and everything.
Wow "While everyone else is sitting on the edge, too afraid to get their toes wet, you're not afraid to dive into the deep end and splash around a bit." LOVE THAT LINE!
"But those people never knew what it was like to be born of fire and passion. They never knew what it was like to move and change like the smoke it created." Another beautiful one.
Wow. Just plain out wow. You have a damn talent and a half! The whole story was one big anology, with this person living this life, influencing the people around him, but still slipping through. There was amazing depth to this piece. One of my all time favourite short stories, seriously.
The thing is, with a piece like this, it's so poetic that when it becomes a full fledged story, it either makes it, or breaks it. You either have so many more things to say, or you run out, and the story runs out of steam.
Ultimately, it's your decision to make, but I think it would be nice to see this as a longer piece. The problem is, stories tend to lose their originally when they lengthen, and it's either, drift into cliche, or have your story less and less likely to be read.
Great stuff, keep writing :)
4HighOnBrokenWingsLovely pace to the piece. It doesnt rant or daunt on ideas for too long, but it does roll from one thing to the next that just has your brain flowing. I love the anology with the smoke - especially because that's the title and everything.
Wow "While everyone else is sitting on the edge, too afraid to get their toes wet, you're not afraid to dive into the deep end and splash around a bit." LOVE THAT LINE!
"But those people never knew what it was like to be born of fire and passion. They never knew what it was like to move and change like the smoke it created." Another beautiful one.
Wow. Just plain out wow. You have a damn talent and a half! The whole story was one big anology, with this person living this life, influencing the people around him, but still slipping through. There was amazing depth to this piece. One of my all time favourite short stories, seriously.
The thing is, with a piece like this, it's so poetic that when it becomes a full fledged story, it either makes it, or breaks it. You either have so many more things to say, or you run out, and the story runs out of steam.
Ultimately, it's your decision to make, but I think it would be nice to see this as a longer piece. The problem is, stories tend to lose their originally when they lengthen, and it's either, drift into cliche, or have your story less and less likely to be read.
Great stuff, keep writing :)
6/19/2010 c1 10Mouse Penn
It's interesting and very sad. I know some people like that, it's a very sad life to live.
10Mouse PennIt's interesting and very sad. I know some people like that, it's a very sad life to live.