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8/26/2010 c1 6the flipr kid
Hi! Thank for reviewing my story...I really appreciate it :)

I like the story your play is written about. I think it's a really cool idea. There are just some things you could improve.

I've written and directed some of my own plays, and what I think your script needs is to be written a little less like a novel and a little more like you want it said on stage. For instance, some of the explanatory lines need to be shorter and more to the point, or else spoken less like a lecture and more like an actual person, speaking with feeling. Think about how it would sound on stage, where the actors are pretending to be real people.

Along these lines, I also think you could perhaps write in more of what the characters are doing at the time, so it doesn't seem like they are simply standing there. Think of them on stage and think what you would want them to be doing while they speak.

I really liked it, though, and I hope you'll keep writing. Especially plays, I love plays! ;D
7/3/2010 c1 1jr mon
exelennt. very inpressive. i liked alot.
6/24/2010 c1 Punslinger
This is pretty good for your first play. It isn't easy to tell a story in dialogue, but yoyu handled it nicely. The characters are believable as real teenaged kids. Let us know if you ever get it produced in your drama class, or anyplace else.

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