7/2/2010 c1 7mistyx7
"-embroidered in black another thing-"

Does not make sense, misto. COMMAS! It's a really good story, but it's awful trying to read it when there's sentances put together like that.

To add stuff:

-more rides-last time they did something, it was only 11:00 a.m. and giving someone a present doesn't take seven hours

-describe the presents-like her mom gives her one with crazy pink and purple stripes with lots of curled ribbons and her dad's present is just wrapped in old newspapers or something so it tells us a little bit more about their personalities

-add more scenes with her worrying about the powers and more scenes with her talking with Asteri-talking is interesting, and it wastes a lot of pages if your chapters are too short

See you soon

-misty