for London12/20/2011 c1 Jessie
This is amazing.
When we visited London, we couldn't put into words the feeling of the place. From this culture to theirs, it's such a subtle slap in the back. But you said it perfectly. Incredible.
This is amazing.
When we visited London, we couldn't put into words the feeling of the place. From this culture to theirs, it's such a subtle slap in the back. But you said it perfectly. Incredible.
7/8/2010 c1 
1k+Faithless Juliet
Well, well, I'm glad to see your posting again, I've missed your work.
The strongest aspect of this was the.mingling of the poshness verses.the filth. You displayed that really strongly here. Some of the aspects were a bit cliches and could have been stronger. I did like the section about the cigarettes and how strong and individualizrd that observation is. I'm a bit on the dense about your first and last verses, I liked them, and they were well executed, but I felt like they could have been stronger. I can't put my finger on why though. All in all a great piece and m really glad your posting again. Keep up the good work.
All in all a
1k+Faithless JulietWell, well, I'm glad to see your posting again, I've missed your work.
The strongest aspect of this was the.mingling of the poshness verses.the filth. You displayed that really strongly here. Some of the aspects were a bit cliches and could have been stronger. I did like the section about the cigarettes and how strong and individualizrd that observation is. I'm a bit on the dense about your first and last verses, I liked them, and they were well executed, but I felt like they could have been stronger. I can't put my finger on why though. All in all a great piece and m really glad your posting again. Keep up the good work.
All in all a
7/6/2010 c1 Isca
"I touch the quivering lips of this city—they open with quick little sighs." This is a beautiful opening. I love the idea that cities are 'alive,' and can thus, 'sigh' in either rapture or pain.
"I don't shake them for fear that they'll fall." I like the idea that the speaker doesn't shake hands because she fears that they will fall off; that's somehow so Freudian to me...
"People keep staring." I love the tone of this line; it's so startling.
"I'm a child in this town." Beautiful. This line is so heart-wrenching.
"I touch the quivering lips of this city—they open with quick little sighs." This is a beautiful opening. I love the idea that cities are 'alive,' and can thus, 'sigh' in either rapture or pain.
"I don't shake them for fear that they'll fall." I like the idea that the speaker doesn't shake hands because she fears that they will fall off; that's somehow so Freudian to me...
"People keep staring." I love the tone of this line; it's so startling.
"I'm a child in this town." Beautiful. This line is so heart-wrenching.
7/5/2010 c1 13ShadowsCrush
Yo did that guy just try to correct your spelling of umbrella?
Lmao...really? XD
Anyway, beautifully written, and now I'm on to part two!
13ShadowsCrushYo did that guy just try to correct your spelling of umbrella?
Lmao...really? XD
Anyway, beautifully written, and now I'm on to part two!
7/5/2010 c1 1Sarsaparilla
i really love this, especially the last stanza. i can really picture the imagery. this reminds me of this poem I read of savannah j foley's. she wrote of new york. I'm actually in new york right now, so I feel the city-ness.
Overall I really loved the tone and voice.
1Sarsaparillai really love this, especially the last stanza. i can really picture the imagery. this reminds me of this poem I read of savannah j foley's. she wrote of new york. I'm actually in new york right now, so I feel the city-ness.
Overall I really loved the tone and voice.
7/5/2010 c1 donxcat
an interesting but puzzling poem. Like all your work; well constructed and very powerful. A few minor corrections:
and umbrella should it be: an unbrella
lift my ups should it be: lift my lips
hard to correct poetry since there is so much freedom of expression.
it has been a long time since your last post. You have been mised.
an interesting but puzzling poem. Like all your work; well constructed and very powerful. A few minor corrections:
and umbrella should it be: an unbrella
lift my ups should it be: lift my lips
hard to correct poetry since there is so much freedom of expression.
it has been a long time since your last post. You have been mised.