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for CherryBomb

7/8/2012 c1 1ScarletRose7865
I really like this, no i think I thoroughly love it. I'm not sure how to explain my feelings for it. I am intriqued by the characters, their thoughts, and their actions, which appear to be meaningless but I believe have a deeper meaning under the surface. The interactions between characters are also very relatable. I find to often the goings on between characters are overblown or dry, not realistic in the least. But, you're story is neither, I like the fresh perspective. Looking forward to reading more.

If you would please be so kind to review my newest book also, it would be appreciated.

-Your New Reader, ThatSceneChick
12/13/2010 c1 Secret Santa
The tone and vibe of this piece was well-executed. I really enjoyed the way you slowly revealed the more sinister motive behind Cherry’s art, and then ended it with that final revelation. The progression of mood throughout the short story kept the reader on his toes, and I thoroughly enjoyed the great unveiling in the final line. Not only did it provoke thought, it had a finality to it that perfectly echoed the blurb you placed in the summary.

Your allusions and hints to blood throughout this were wonderful. I loved that bit of foreshadowing, as it’s the kind of thing that makes a second read-through all the more enjoyable. You only notice the significance of certain images and phrases later, and when they do, the piece seems all the more intricate and well thought out.

No real critiques here. Definitely an interesting bit of writing.
11/27/2010 c1 12lianoid
Oh, my gosh. This was so creepy, Austen! There was an underlying vibe to this that was creeping along the entire way through that I really enjoyed. I was waiting for something big to happen, something to be revealed, but I like that you only hinted towards things instead of saying it outright. So, I’m guessing she used his blood for the painting, yeah? Super creepy and kinda weird. I mean, how did she slip that by him? Ha-ha.

Solid piece all around. Excellent work with this one and major kudos for writing something so strong in so few words.

Review courtesy of The Review Game’s Review Marathon. For more info, visit the link on my profile.
8/11/2010 c1 1xenolith
Ah, that was too creepy!

Poor David, what a sap. I liked how Alexa is the obnoxious friend type content to mock the poor fool, and Cherry is the cool, calm one. You've definately got some interesting characters there, and enjoyed how vauge you keep everything so we don't really get a scene or a backstory just these three people and a whole lot of mystery and a sense of something being off.

My only criticism with this is the tense, I think that's the word, or maybe the POV. I had to reread it quite a few times to figure everything out, which is a little bit of an inconvinience. Imho I think it would be better in first person and this tense, or normal and third person. But that's just me!

Otherwise I was quite taken with this. Brilliantly spooky :)
8/4/2010 c1 12PapaMike
There is alot that I liked about this.

I liked that you didn't over complicate it with lots of internal dialogue.

I like that you didn't explain everything, it's one of my pet peeves when authors put in too much detail for their poor stupid readers. But you treated your audience with a bit of intelligence which is always nice to see.

I like the sinister undertones, and the fact that although you speak about emotion running high it has a rather subdued feel to it all, as if there will be arguments later, but right now, I'm trying to take in how creepy this all is. It really works as an overall piece.
7/29/2010 c1 30sophiesix
oh! I like. i was a bit confused by who was who, (seemed to be four characters to get a hold of in teh first few lines), and am still not sure who Vicky is, but the characterisation was lovely and the little hints about the blood had me on tenterhooks all the way through - i was really intrigued about whether David knew about teh blood, and if Alexa knew, adn who's blood it was, and so on. i was rather surprised to find that it was David that didn't know, actually!

nice and tight little piece, it didn't feel rushed or pushed into the 500 words, it felt perfectly paced. nor did it feel wanting, like too much was left out: it had a nice tone of intrigue with its mysteriousness that way. great stuff!
7/26/2010 c1 4lookingwest
Two, coming on three weeks, late, here I am to write down my thoughts into words, haha.

I liked the whole idea of this since you mentioned it in passing at the OT. I think you executed that idea well, personally-the plot of her using his blood for the painting. In regards to that, I hope that you choose to continue it or develop the idea more, it's certainly a frightening one, XD. I liked how you sprinkled hints of Cherry's wrong doings throughout the 500 words, always alluding to the color red, mentioning things like "red-stained mouth" and "her life's blood". David's disregard for the painting was well hinted at in the beginning too-though I think that's a point where it could have been more detailed that he isn't the best of boyfriends-I kind of wanted a bigger reason to hate him, but you do hint at the past in their relationship and for the 500 words I think your hints were enough.

The very end few lines just gave me the chills, no lie. I even knew what was coming and I was still like, 'whoa.' I think that's something your piece and the winning piece had in common with this round-was just really creeping me out to the extreme, haha. Speaking of which-the whole mystery thing was unique-I mean, you didn't take it from a detective standpoint, but you let the reader become the detective of the situation, trying to figure out what's so wrong with Cherry. At the same time, there wasn't as much of a huger outlined plot, other than what's contained in this short story-but that was a problem I think I had too.

I liked that it was in present tense too-I always appreciate an author who can do that. Also, I thought the dialogue worked well for the situation but nothing really stood out to me in the way that say, the dialogue in First Crack does, if that makes any sense. Still though, it had it's purpose, and that was evident. Overall I enjoyed this read-and I should have written my thoughts down earlier than later!
7/23/2010 c1 7Liya Smith
I loved the underlining edge of humor! It was well-written and very interesting. Me likey.
7/22/2010 c1 1Jess Megan
"I think it's a canvas with some paint on it."

Pretty funny.

Very simple, but very well done! I feel like we would discuss something like this in class. Good job, and keep writing!
7/11/2010 c1 3Kairos K
There is so much more to this story than your actually telling. It has me fascinated. It also is driving me nuts, because there is so much more. I mean yes some mystery for the reader to fill in themselves is a good thing but at the same time, this is just too much to guess at.

It is a wonderful story. Although I do agree with the other reviewer, a bit more direction in the beginning would be a good thing.

I have to say I really appreciate your metaphor of the painting being her life's blood.

Well, I really enjoyed it and wish there was more to it! Congrats!
7/10/2010 c1 14J.H. Fitzgerald
There seems to be something very sinister running underneath this story. There is also always something very sinister about art snobs, which is definitely the case here. That, I enjoyed. (Art snobs, although I am one, I do not enjoy.)

I wasconfused for the first few lines, as to who the characters were. This is due to the very first sentence- lots of names and unspecified pronouns. I would have appreciated a bit more direction, so I could jump more quickly into the story.

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