for The Death Deities1/30/2011 c7 
2RaeSeok
I've finally found some time to keep reading this! :D These chapters just keep getting better and better, and the story is finally starting to make more sense. Also, I've finally encountered something with shinigami in it (besides your story of course), so that makes more sense as well :D.
2RaeSeokI've finally found some time to keep reading this! :D These chapters just keep getting better and better, and the story is finally starting to make more sense. Also, I've finally encountered something with shinigami in it (besides your story of course), so that makes more sense as well :D.
12/19/2010 c1 RaeSeok
I like your story so far :D ! I'm not sure how much more I'll read though, because I'm supposed to be studying for my international studies final 0:) but I figured I'd comment on this chapter at least. I like the idea of demons the strange denizen sort of thing that Rorek is.
And obviously I haven't read very much of your story so far, so I can't give you too many suggestions, but so far I'd say to maybe try and make the dialogue sound more natural by using 'don't' 'I've' etc. I used to have a lot of problems with this too. It just seems to flow better when you try and make the dialogue more simplistic in nature. At first when I read the word 'shinigami' I thought you might have been mistaking it for shikigami (which was confusing in itself), but then I realized what a shinigami was. It makes sense so I'm proud of your Japanese usage! I guess I just haven't watched anything with shinigami in it. :D Other than that I thought your story was awesome, and I'll definitely keep reading! (Even if I shouldn't be...waha)
I like your story so far :D ! I'm not sure how much more I'll read though, because I'm supposed to be studying for my international studies final 0:) but I figured I'd comment on this chapter at least. I like the idea of demons the strange denizen sort of thing that Rorek is.
And obviously I haven't read very much of your story so far, so I can't give you too many suggestions, but so far I'd say to maybe try and make the dialogue sound more natural by using 'don't' 'I've' etc. I used to have a lot of problems with this too. It just seems to flow better when you try and make the dialogue more simplistic in nature. At first when I read the word 'shinigami' I thought you might have been mistaking it for shikigami (which was confusing in itself), but then I realized what a shinigami was. It makes sense so I'm proud of your Japanese usage! I guess I just haven't watched anything with shinigami in it. :D Other than that I thought your story was awesome, and I'll definitely keep reading! (Even if I shouldn't be...waha)
8/7/2010 c6 Ger Bushy
This reads like a story about Soul Reapers (Shinigamis) and mortals... Somewhat like Bleach. Was this meant to be a fanfic? (Sounds really like)
Maybe because I've some prior knowledge to shinigamis (which I believe many people would have too), I think this story sounds quite like bleach.
There were some humourous parts throughout the story (which was good). You paced the story well, it wasn't too fast.
Apparently, I feel you lack some descriptions for the characters. You did developed them, IMO, it's not quite enough.
Maybe it's just me, I don't really like reading a novel/ story without knowing the characters thoroughly.
You missed out descriptions of the character, physical appearances. Which I think is essential for memory.
Good thing though, that Natalie was elaborated more. I think Natalie was the most well elaborated character and it is fascinating to read more about her.
She sounds really cool... Reminds me of Ichigo in bleach where Rukia tried to give some powers to him but ended up being robbed off quite a deal.
However, it was an interesting piece of write.
(just a habit, I don't review until I've read to a break of the story.)
This reads like a story about Soul Reapers (Shinigamis) and mortals... Somewhat like Bleach. Was this meant to be a fanfic? (Sounds really like)
Maybe because I've some prior knowledge to shinigamis (which I believe many people would have too), I think this story sounds quite like bleach.
There were some humourous parts throughout the story (which was good). You paced the story well, it wasn't too fast.
Apparently, I feel you lack some descriptions for the characters. You did developed them, IMO, it's not quite enough.
Maybe it's just me, I don't really like reading a novel/ story without knowing the characters thoroughly.
You missed out descriptions of the character, physical appearances. Which I think is essential for memory.
Good thing though, that Natalie was elaborated more. I think Natalie was the most well elaborated character and it is fascinating to read more about her.
She sounds really cool... Reminds me of Ichigo in bleach where Rukia tried to give some powers to him but ended up being robbed off quite a deal.
However, it was an interesting piece of write.
(just a habit, I don't review until I've read to a break of the story.)
7/21/2010 c5 He Named It Fluffy
I didn't mention it before but this story reminds me a lot of Bleach... with obvious differences of course, but it's in the same vein.
That said, sorry I didn't read this sooner. I haven't been on the internet much lately. I'll read chapter 6 later.
I didn't mention it before but this story reminds me a lot of Bleach... with obvious differences of course, but it's in the same vein.
That said, sorry I didn't read this sooner. I haven't been on the internet much lately. I'll read chapter 6 later.
7/14/2010 c1 He Named It Fluffy
In chapter 3, it says "me" instead of the character's name in one of the sentences near the end of the chapter.
Other than that, this was another great chapter. I like Chior's name too :)
In chapter 3, it says "me" instead of the character's name in one of the sentences near the end of the chapter.
Other than that, this was another great chapter. I like Chior's name too :)
7/14/2010 c1 Fluffy
Oh, you changed her name to Natalie :D
Oh, you changed her name to Natalie :D
7/11/2010 c3 He Named It Fluffy
ooh, nice. I want to read more!
Please be sure to check out my story "Golden Hawk". It's the latest one I've posted and I really need some feedback on it, cause I don't know if it turned out okay, or what...
ooh, nice. I want to read more!
Please be sure to check out my story "Golden Hawk". It's the latest one I've posted and I really need some feedback on it, cause I don't know if it turned out okay, or what...
7/11/2010 c2 He Named It Fluffy
Ooh, VERY interesting. I didn't notice any typos or grammatical errors, although there is a "4" at the bottom of the page for no reason :D
I love the names, although I think it would be better if Regina was her real name because "Raven" is like the default goth chick character name... I might be able to fall in love with Rorek :)
When is chapter 2 coming out?
Ooh, VERY interesting. I didn't notice any typos or grammatical errors, although there is a "4" at the bottom of the page for no reason :D
I love the names, although I think it would be better if Regina was her real name because "Raven" is like the default goth chick character name... I might be able to fall in love with Rorek :)
When is chapter 2 coming out?