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for A Dutch Summer in Toronto

10/14/2018 c1 Samella
Thank you for sharing. Very nice, short and sweet peace. Who knows, the boy may remember your kindness from way back then.
12/24/2010 c1 30sophiesix
A lovely piece. I loved the reminiscent atmosphere to it, the little windows of memory. What a great thought, to give the boy some Lego! I remember when spme kids came from Chernobyl to our school, and we couldn't breach the language barrier at all. despite the fact that we grew up with two languages (or maybe because of it: we were used to being able to understood all teh languages around us :) ), they seemed so strange. Wish i'd had some Lego to share!

like Em, i was feeling this was a little short, and would have loved a bit more detail, like an example of trying to speak them, which words in french were similar to dutch, just little things like that?

great stuff cindy!
11/27/2010 c1 12lianoid
Woo, Toronto! That’s where I live! :D

I think this is a lovely story. Your descriptions were wonderful because you gradually laid everything out and explained things to the reader. There’s something delicately beautiful about it, actually. I suppose because it’s from memory it was easier to organize the events and such. That’s not to underhand your writing ability, of course. I really enjoyed your writing because the flow was smooth and I felt like you were literally walking me through the memory. Excellent piece you have here, and a nice memory too!

Review courtesy of The Review Game’s Review Marathon. For more info, visit the link on my profile.
10/5/2010 c1 75thewhimsicalbard
This is a really interesting short piece! I was really excited to read this, because it was so fresh. It's like a small little slide in the PowerPoint of someone's life.

On that note, because this piece is so short, you should really make a concerted effort to make sure that it is 100% error free before you post it. There weren't many errors, but enough to make me notice. Not all of them were in grammar or structure, though. A lot of them were flow errors.

For example: "The couple, who had a grown daughter, was like second parents to me and my sister."

Though this is technically correct, the number of the objects on either side of the linking verb does not match. It makes this sentence hard to read. You could try this instead: "The couple, who had a grown daughter, was like a second set of parents to me and my sister."

Personally, I think this flows so much better, and it isn't much of a change at all.

"...summers we've had..." should be "...summers we had..."

"We lived on the second floor of a two-storey detached home, belonging to the Chans" should be "We lived on the second floor of a detached, two-story home belonging to the Chan's."

The reason that it is "the Chan's" goes all the way back to Latin sentence structure. It doesn't make any sense, but that's just the way it is.

"It was a nice place to live for my family struggling to make ends meet" is a strange sentence construction... Here's how I would write it: "It was a nice place for my family to live, as we were struggling to make ends meet."

After that, it was pretty much error-free. At least, there was nothing that got in the way of my reading the story! So, great job, just a few construction errors here and there; keep up the good work now, you hear?

-thewhimsicalbard
10/4/2010 c1 8Lea Ai
You marked this story as complete, yet this seems like the perfect little prologue. Do you have any plans of developing this into a multi-chapter fic? You marked this as a biography which makes me think these "characters" are real-at which case, they are certainly interesting! Three Chinese boys that only spoke Dutch, trying to communicate with someone who only speaks English and a little French...lots of room for an extended plot. If you ever choose to expand this, please let me know and I'll add it to my alerts.

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