Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Vanity

7/15/2010 c1 31ByYourSide
Wow, what a fast and intriguing opening. Sets up character and setting really quickly, and has a very interesting concept. A villain who's like a magician. This could be incredibly dangerous. :) I love stories like that, though.

You incorrectly punctuate dialog, though. You wrote: "You know, it really is rude to burst into someone's home unannounced." The woman said, rolling her golden-bronze eyes.

It should be: "You know, it really is rude to burst into someone's home unannounced," the woman said, rolling her golden-bronze eyes.

More information here: writing-world(dot)com(slash)fiction(slash)dialogue(dot)shtml

Thought you'd like to know. :) It's a good beginning, though.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service