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for i hide in the rain

7/26/2012 c1 3schizosophia
9/26/2010 c1 11Staring Elf
Wonderful imagery. Simply breathtaking. I've recently taken a liking to poems without capitalization. They are so much more flowing and unassuming.

Thank you for posting!
8/8/2010 c1 WutNow
I really liked the gentle imagerey you provided in this poem. The theme of nature was really imbedded into this piece, and I really loved how you vividly described them, so kudo points to you! My favorite part is in the second stanza, about the galaxy, because that flowed extremely well for me.

Though I do like the hightened vocabulary you used, I found myself scratching my head because I had no clue what it meant XD. I focused more on the imagery than anything else so it didn't really bother me that much haha. It didn't really feel angsty to me until the very end, when the narrator felt incomplete. That one startled me a little bit but it provided closure for the theme so good job on that one :).

However, my only advice is to provide a few rest/breaks because as the stanza goes on, the descriptions keep going and going and going. That isn't bad, but a simple period wouldn't hurt. Just thought.

Gah, I wish there was something more I could say but I honestly couldn't find anything wrong. Oh, maybe starting with capital letters in the beginning? I don't know why it is lowercase.

Overall, I really enjoyed it. You have a great talent!
7/31/2010 c1 11HiddenFromYou
I am torn on your word choice. In places, it fit so well I was astounded. In others, I'm quite embarrassed to admit I don't actually know what the words mean. :/

The images you prodived (when I could understand what you were trying to say :P) were top notch. You really sucked me into the litte world you created.

I felt the flow was somewhat disjointed, but I suspect this was because I kept having to stop to think what different words meant and/or look them up. Where I knew the meanings though, the flow was easy going and nice to read.

The second and final verse is absolutely breath taking. I actually found myself holding my breath and needing to know what you were going to say. A very strong poem. :)
7/24/2010 c1 4lookingwest
The very first line definitley pulled me in, I enjoyed the word choice, actually, that's what grabbed my attention. I don't think I've ever heard rain described as "Stygian"-meaning of the river Styx right? That pulls in all sorts of connotations just in itself! Definitely set the mood, so I loved the beginning!

In the second line, I again, adore your word choice of "tacked", that's great, and very creative. It also takes with it an image of someone tacking something to a ceiling, or in this case, the sky-relating to the stars-really magical when you pair it with the idea of "drowsy".

With just the first stanza the creative choices for words also continue, you really draw the theme together to paint the pictures with words like "plummets" and "soaks" and "obsidian". "Cusp of the universe" was another favorite line of mine, haha. There's too many to choose from! I love the last line of the first stanza and how it's set alone too, because the enjambment worked so well, "into their bones" sounds so final, and I think it was also smart to end with a period.

Ah, I think the use of the free verse in the second verse really comes through well here. The only thing I would dare to crit. with this poem is to continue to use proper punctuation. I wouldn't mention because it's really up to the author, but I think poets should pick one or the other. I noticed you purposely probably formatted the "i"'s as lowercase, which is fine because I think that shows the "smallness" of the speaker in comparison to the big subject of the universe, etc. But, you also end the first stanza in a period, so I think that means you should do the same with the second stanza-not only that, but you need to put in period and commas in the various other lines too. Or, if you want, you could jsut take the period at the end of the first stanza out completely-though I rather like the idea of using proper punctuation anyway. But it's up to you.

Pertaining to both the first stanza and also the second stanza, I think that your use of enjambment was well done overall. I'd love to hear this spoken aloud! I loved the broad, big subject in the second stanza, and words like "celestial" and "ravaged" and "slip a blanket" really pulled the images together and made them magical. Great poem!
7/23/2010 c1 41short circuit
Excellent usage of words here. The imagery is beautifully crafted in such description. You have brilliant analogies. The build-up to the climax with everything coming together, and then the last line, "i feel incomplete" is extremely profound, especially without a fullstop.
7/22/2010 c1 9Air Rey
The imagery was excellent. I could actually picture out each image presented with such detail. This allows the reader to actually be in the place of the speaker.

The author built a very mysterious persona. I can't seem to picture him out every time I read the poem. I like that though I can't relate that much to the persona.

Lastly, the poet has a subtle depiction of death. References to mythology established that. The ambiguity of the theme was rooted on that ambiguity that makes it a powerful piece.

Overall though, this poem was one of the best in the site. Good job!
7/22/2010 c1 1tonight we bloom
god this is so beautiful i am favoriting this. the last line of this poem and the first line of this poem reminds me so much of some of my works and the themes that i use repeatedly.
7/20/2010 c1 31ByYourSide
I think I told you this before on another poem, but I'm a big fan of your imagery and the way you describe things. I love the words you pick and the pictures that form in my mind. For example, "like God is weeping for the sun

as it plummets past the horizon and into

fractured constellations,"

That has a real flow, and I feel...I don't know how to describe it. Darker. Like I'm looking up at all the stars, as you are, and realizing I'm nothing in this world, and feeling a sense of impending doom of sorts. A pit-in-my-stomach feeling.

*and when everything comes together beneath the damask of celestial tears

i feel incomplete*

Your poetry is very different from most things I read. It's raw and conveys emotions and thoughts without outright stating them. I feel almost as if I'm exploring myself and my own feelings when I read this poem. Kudos.
7/19/2010 c1 12lianoid
Oh my. This piece? Marvellous. Absolutely brilliant. I am a horror at reviewing poetry, and even more horrible at understanding it, but I adored this one.

It had such a gentle tone throughout that led me along and never allowed me to stray. Your way with words is awe-inspiring. I especially adored the subtle alliteration/assonance, as well as the personification.

All of the visuals are so fantastic; I really don’t even know how to describe how much I love this. I am extremely impressed right now – a little jealous, even. The ending was quite sad, in a bearing all kind of way, but I found that because you worded everything so beautifully and with such deep images, I was still too awed to feel sad. I apologize for not having anything to critique, or any suggestions for improvement, but I truly think this piece is perfect how it is.

Amazing job with this.
7/19/2010 c1 495mate.feed.kill.repeat
[review game: easy fix]

I like that this piece starts strongly, and then ends somewhat unexpectedly. I can honestly say that I did not expect the last line whatsoever.

I also like your use of the word "stygian." I'd never heard that word before, and I had to look it up. (: I love learning new vocabulary.

I didn't like that this piece was so strikingly similar to "Urania." Maybe it seems so much alike because I just read that piece yesterday, but it seems to have the same feel and theme. You described the skies and the night and such all in the same ways. Each piece, separately, is a really good piece, but they seem too much alike. You write really well but when I compare these two pieces, having read them both in such a short time frame, I find that your style isn't very diverse between the two.

7/18/2010 c1 Isca
I like the opening image of the rain cradling the stars-it has a very Gaia-esque atmosphere to it that I adore.

"Snowflake obsidian hands." *Obviously* I find this line very appealing.

"Quicksilver." A reference that I am proud of you for making (not only because it reminded me of Iago in "Othello", but because it is alchemically associated with sophistry and cunning).

"That pushes them down into their bones." Startling phrasing. This is the crux of the poem, I think.

"I am afraid because the whole world stops spinning for a timeless moment." That is precisely what happened when I saw Arise. :)
7/18/2010 c1 19S. M. Saves
The poem is so short yet it makes me feel so small with its descriptions of the universe, the galaxies, and all that is out there. Yet it has a calming lullaby feel to it. I almost have to whisper it as I read it out loud. The descriptions were mind-blowing, I might add. "it plummets past the horizon and into fractured constellations, where the planets diverge from each other at the cusp of the universe" was my favorite half-line.

I'm usually a stickler for capitalization but I'll let it slide for this one because it works to its advantage. Though the first stanza is ridiculously long. Does it make you smile to know that the readers are probably trapped into attempting to read it in one breath only to fail halfway through? :) Can it be made into two sentences or can you craft it in such a way that there's a natural breathing point somewhere in between?

On an off-topic side note, I just increased my vocabulary by two words by reading your poem. Happy day!
7/18/2010 c1 this wild abyss
This is a nice poem, I thought. Not fantastic, but not horribly dull and confusing. (Like mine.)

Your imagery was strong and very emotive, though at times I felt that you overused the adjectives. Nearly every noun had one, and it was rather jarring in some spots. Aside from that, I enjoyed your lack of capitalization. It was different, and while I might not like to see it in every poem, I didn't mind it just this once.
7/18/2010 c1 45deefective
The flow in this was marvelous. I love the fact that each stanaza is one long ass run on sentence. It reads really well and very smoothly and it make me like this a lot. Very nice imagery right off that bat. It's dramatic and there's lots of "seeing" going on. I fucking LOVED the ending of this. Wonderfully done. Especially with the exclusion of a full stop, which just re-inforces the narrator's last thoughts. Clever, clever. One thing though, you use a whole lot of adjectives throughout. That's mostly what gave this piece all that imagery but at times it seemed a bit overloaded. You can cut down on them, your pictures come through just fine without all the extra words. Other than that, nicely done.
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