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for Behind the walls of Crestwell Boarding School

7/24/2010 c1 4HighOnBrokenWings
"Matthew was sitting in the window bench reading a book while Jeeves was taking apart a small toy of his." Okay, this line would be enough for us to see the two different boys personalities. Having that block of telling, to what the people are like is unnecessary, and frankly, a little boring.

Hold on, who's Brandon?

Oh. Okay. It's a change of place/pov. You need to show that. It completely confused me for a second, and I usually follow things like that, because I'm the worst at random changes of POV's...it's kind of interesting that one of your characters is named Spencer Maxwell, because I have a character named Spencer who had a son named Maxwell...

Alcohol problems? Bummer.

I like the contrast between the families.

"walked back into his room, opening the mountain dew and took a long drink. He went into his dark room, " He'd already walked into his room, that was a mistake.

"He looked every part of the boarding school golden boy, but you know what they say. Looks can be deceiving." I like it, it gives mystery to the story, and that's always good. It keeps people interested.

Ah ha! That is very cool, what you did there. The cover of the family being completely different to what they're really like.

I like the beginning. I also really like that your main character isn't average height. Those are the girl characters that make me happy.

Nice work. Update soon :)

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