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for A Spy, Possibly

9/29/2011 c1 1Bookworm-At-Starbucks
Like it though she was kind of distracted for a spy don't you think? But it's part of her charms right? Please update.
7/24/2010 c1 4HighOnBrokenWings
"Yeah, I guess you could say I have more than just a few mommy issues on my mind." It's funny because that was pretty much what the whole chapter was about, and how that relates through to what she was doing in the present time. I really like the way that you wrote this, your vocabulary must be very refined, or you have a thesaurus on hand :P I kid, I kid.

It's sounding very interesting, your writing style is perky, interesting, and makes me want to keep reading.

I like ;D
7/24/2010 c1 9Piptik
Hiya!

Rad introductory paragraph.

I noticed while reading this that a lot of your sentences start with 'but' or 'I'. I know that 'I' is hard to avoid because this is written in first person but finding different ways to start off sentences is completely worth it. Varied sentences help keep a reader interested and can help add to the affect or feeling of what's happening in the story.

Haha, I love how she gets off track while explaining what's going on. It gives the story a more personal and intimate connection with the reader, not to mention a few laughs. Though when Ema's describing all the times when her mother was mad at her or should have been proud of her I thought that she was ranting a little too long. I get it that she hates her mom and that she's done all this stuff that she's proud of but I think it would be better if you either cut it short, or squashed everything into two short paragraphs.

~I think it is a genetic improbability that mothers must hate at least one of their daughters.~

This sentence is contradictory to the paragraph it belongs with.

Anyways, this is really promising so far. I'm excited for the next chapter and can't wait to see what happens next. Great ending too, by the way.

-Piptik

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