for Twisted Logic11/9/2010 c5 lymli
I like the bitting skin part, this this kind of desperate... I like the emotions in this.
I like the bitting skin part, this this kind of desperate... I like the emotions in this.
8/31/2010 c2 
28Robin Leigh
A very nice, descriptive poem. I could practically see myself in the speaker's shoes (and I'm thankful I was just reading it, not experiencing it). :) Keep writing! :D
28Robin LeighA very nice, descriptive poem. I could practically see myself in the speaker's shoes (and I'm thankful I was just reading it, not experiencing it). :) Keep writing! :D
8/26/2010 c5 1thefluffmysters
aww... sad again.
I really don't know what to say here, aside from, even though they were kind of depressing, I liked these poems. They were creative and deep and real... so, yeah. Good job! =]
-kohe
1thefluffmystersaww... sad again.
I really don't know what to say here, aside from, even though they were kind of depressing, I liked these poems. They were creative and deep and real... so, yeah. Good job! =]
-kohe
8/26/2010 c4 thefluffmysters
uhm... well, this one started out happy, and then got sad... i was reading it and i was like "aw-oh...that sucks."
I dont like the lying guy, uncool!
I feel so bad for the speaker!=[
sigh...
Still good writing though!
-kohe
uhm... well, this one started out happy, and then got sad... i was reading it and i was like "aw-oh...that sucks."
I dont like the lying guy, uncool!
I feel so bad for the speaker!=[
sigh...
Still good writing though!
-kohe
8/26/2010 c3 thefluffmysters
Well... this one was nice. =3 it was a lot less depressing then the last one.
but i can't help but be kinda sad that this person only wants to stay as friends when clearly they are in love, thats the sad thing here...
Still, it was good! =]
-kohe
Well... this one was nice. =3 it was a lot less depressing then the last one.
but i can't help but be kinda sad that this person only wants to stay as friends when clearly they are in love, thats the sad thing here...
Still, it was good! =]
-kohe
8/26/2010 c2 thefluffmysters
Well... that was... more depressing. And creepy. God, where is God? It was still very good writing, but still sad and scary and I'm kinda scared to keep reading but I will!
-kohe
Well... that was... more depressing. And creepy. God, where is God? It was still very good writing, but still sad and scary and I'm kinda scared to keep reading but I will!
-kohe
8/26/2010 c1 thefluffmysters
Wow, that was pretty sad. I feel bad for the person that the speaker is talking to... i also feel pretty bad for the speaker. =[
But its clear to me that the speaker is a good person and a good friend. =]
Good poem.
-kohe
Wow, that was pretty sad. I feel bad for the person that the speaker is talking to... i also feel pretty bad for the speaker. =[
But its clear to me that the speaker is a good person and a good friend. =]
Good poem.
-kohe
8/14/2010 c5 23AvidWriter-92
Alexis, I think this is my favorite piece so far out of all of them! :D
I really loved the characters thoughts in this one. I think you came across as very strong emotionally. :D I love how she finally realizes that she can be free from all the pain that somebody caused her. :)
I especially liked the questions that you had in here, and the several lines of just action words. :)
Great job on this one! *Sigh* It was just perfect. :D
~Avid, via the Roadhouse. :)
23AvidWriter-92Alexis, I think this is my favorite piece so far out of all of them! :D
I really loved the characters thoughts in this one. I think you came across as very strong emotionally. :D I love how she finally realizes that she can be free from all the pain that somebody caused her. :)
I especially liked the questions that you had in here, and the several lines of just action words. :)
Great job on this one! *Sigh* It was just perfect. :D
~Avid, via the Roadhouse. :)
8/14/2010 c4 AvidWriter-92
Wow, I liked this poem. :D The repeition and imagery in this one was especially well done, I thought. :D The emotions in this one were really good. :D
I liked the last line: "I was just a puppet."
:(
I hope things are better now! :)
One thing... Every new line in poetry is supposed to be capitialized, just to let you know. I'm thinking that this could be your particular style, maybe? I don't know. :P Just do with the suggestion what you want. :)
Good job, Alexis. :D I can't really tell you anything else, except that I loved it. :D
~Avid, via the Roadhouse. :)
Wow, I liked this poem. :D The repeition and imagery in this one was especially well done, I thought. :D The emotions in this one were really good. :D
I liked the last line: "I was just a puppet."
:(
I hope things are better now! :)
One thing... Every new line in poetry is supposed to be capitialized, just to let you know. I'm thinking that this could be your particular style, maybe? I don't know. :P Just do with the suggestion what you want. :)
Good job, Alexis. :D I can't really tell you anything else, except that I loved it. :D
~Avid, via the Roadhouse. :)
8/14/2010 c3 AvidWriter-92
Hello again. :P
I liked this poem as well, even though it was a bit shorter than the others. :P
I thought that the opening line was very clever. A unique spin on the popular saying. :)
Again, I liked the narrator's voice. She seems very personable, and it's easy for me to relate to her and her situation. :P
I also like the line "My heart flutters away into the sky." I liked that imagery. :)
A few grammar things...
"My heart [instantly]/ flutters into the sky."
"Your heart[-] I want it to be mine"
Very cool ending, Alexis. :) I liked this one a lot. :D
~Avid, via the Roadhouse. :D
Hello again. :P
I liked this poem as well, even though it was a bit shorter than the others. :P
I thought that the opening line was very clever. A unique spin on the popular saying. :)
Again, I liked the narrator's voice. She seems very personable, and it's easy for me to relate to her and her situation. :P
I also like the line "My heart flutters away into the sky." I liked that imagery. :)
A few grammar things...
"My heart [instantly]/ flutters into the sky."
"Your heart[-] I want it to be mine"
Very cool ending, Alexis. :) I liked this one a lot. :D
~Avid, via the Roadhouse. :D
8/14/2010 c2 AvidWriter-92
Hey, Alexis. :D
I really loved this poem as well. I can tell that this poetry collection is going to have some diversity, which is always a good thing. :D
I liked the pattern that you had about ...Mind Breaking" always as the last line. That was cool, I thought. I also loved the character's voice, and his fear and dwindling hope that somebody or something will save him from above.
Very good poem, I loved the imagery, and the descriptions. :D
~Avid, via the Roadhouse.
Hey, Alexis. :D
I really loved this poem as well. I can tell that this poetry collection is going to have some diversity, which is always a good thing. :D
I liked the pattern that you had about ...Mind Breaking" always as the last line. That was cool, I thought. I also loved the character's voice, and his fear and dwindling hope that somebody or something will save him from above.
Very good poem, I loved the imagery, and the descriptions. :D
~Avid, via the Roadhouse.
8/14/2010 c1 AvidWriter-92
Oh, I love this poem, Alexis. :D It was so beautiful! I can definitely relate to the girl who's narrating the story, because I was in her situation once. It broke my heart that tried to do everything that I could, and it didn't seem to make a difference at all. :(
I love this poem so much, that you don't even know. :P
Anyway, I really loved the imagery in this. The words that you chose made it seem like the girl was clinging onto something that was slowly fading away, despite all of her best efforts. Which I suppose is the case, here. :)
The emotions in this piece were really strong, especially the line: I can feel your pain. It's crushing my soul. But my favorite line was "I give and give, yet get nothing back."
:')
The only line that I thought read funny was "My arms hugging your/withering body upon seeing/ your grim face."
Perhaps you could word it differently, like, "My arms hug your withering body, trying to erase your grim face." or something like that. :P
Otherwise, just watch out for commas, and capitalization. :D
~AVID. via the Roadhouse. :)
Oh, I love this poem, Alexis. :D It was so beautiful! I can definitely relate to the girl who's narrating the story, because I was in her situation once. It broke my heart that tried to do everything that I could, and it didn't seem to make a difference at all. :(
I love this poem so much, that you don't even know. :P
Anyway, I really loved the imagery in this. The words that you chose made it seem like the girl was clinging onto something that was slowly fading away, despite all of her best efforts. Which I suppose is the case, here. :)
The emotions in this piece were really strong, especially the line: I can feel your pain. It's crushing my soul. But my favorite line was "I give and give, yet get nothing back."
:')
The only line that I thought read funny was "My arms hugging your/withering body upon seeing/ your grim face."
Perhaps you could word it differently, like, "My arms hug your withering body, trying to erase your grim face." or something like that. :P
Otherwise, just watch out for commas, and capitalization. :D
~AVID. via the Roadhouse. :)
8/13/2010 c4 10white wolf97
i'm starting to wonder if i'm not alone, because the way you right your poems is describing exactly how events took place for me in graphic detail.
its strange.
10white wolf97i'm starting to wonder if i'm not alone, because the way you right your poems is describing exactly how events took place for me in graphic detail.
its strange.
8/13/2010 c1 white wolf97
that sounds so familiar. i wish someone would say that to me, because no one does. :(
i updated my story The White Wolf if you want to check it out. i'm gonna keep reading these poems.
that sounds so familiar. i wish someone would say that to me, because no one does. :(
i updated my story The White Wolf if you want to check it out. i'm gonna keep reading these poems.