for Jealousy is a powerful emotion1/3/2013 c8 starryeyeddaydreamer9
Good story ! But why no update ? I voting Jamie/matt ! Jeff's just creepy!
Good story ! But why no update ? I voting Jamie/matt ! Jeff's just creepy!
11/13/2011 c8 evie55
Oooh, can't wait for an update! Just found this story and it seems great. My only worry is that you might have abandoned it? I noticed that you haven't updated in months yet you said that the next chapter was almost written and I'm worrying that I won't get to see the entire story! *cry*
Story Alert! *check*
Oooh, can't wait for an update! Just found this story and it seems great. My only worry is that you might have abandoned it? I noticed that you haven't updated in months yet you said that the next chapter was almost written and I'm worrying that I won't get to see the entire story! *cry*
Story Alert! *check*
4/14/2011 c8 
9The Evanangel
Sorry I took so long to reply stupid uni Anyway... This chapter was adorable, lovely, cute, heart-warming...all those words plus more. It gives the story a sense of direction and brings a breath of fresh air from the main storyline. So don't be sorry for writing flashbacks or even fillers - either way, we're still going to want to read it! XD The only thing is how mature they act for such a young age lol. No matter, me likes and I wish I could give it a thumbs up :) (PS I read your chapters within a day or two of your posting them 'cause they're so good!:P)
9The EvanangelSorry I took so long to reply stupid uni Anyway... This chapter was adorable, lovely, cute, heart-warming...all those words plus more. It gives the story a sense of direction and brings a breath of fresh air from the main storyline. So don't be sorry for writing flashbacks or even fillers - either way, we're still going to want to read it! XD The only thing is how mature they act for such a young age lol. No matter, me likes and I wish I could give it a thumbs up :) (PS I read your chapters within a day or two of your posting them 'cause they're so good!:P)
4/11/2011 c8 angie48
love it :-*
Maybe Jamie could have been less clingy. I love so much M/M but Jamie is sometimes so girly. And Jeff is hot ;-)
love it :-*
Maybe Jamie could have been less clingy. I love so much M/M but Jamie is sometimes so girly. And Jeff is hot ;-)
4/11/2011 c1 2HaixBai
It was certainly interesting, but the many errors took away from the chapter. You made it blatantly obvious that you rushed through typing this for the errors made were... "Come" instead of "Home". These simple errors display that you didn't exactly proof-read. If you want to be taken seriously, you are going to have to start proof reading your work before uploading. It may sound like a complete pain, but it helps save you from embarrassment if and when people decide to mention it as I did. You reveal a bit too much about the characters, which some may see as a good thing, but it leaves no air of mystery. You describe Jamie as one that is rather intelligent and skipped a grade, but you didn't really do a great job at backing that up.
My suggestions: Proof-Read. Be more descriptive, but in a more creative way. Metaphors are amazing.
For those that are new to writing, they tend to stick to First Person Point of View. Try out Third Person for once, you may find yourself surprised as to what you can do. You don't always have to refer the characters by name, I personally like to try this one for size a few times: (The blue-eyed boy glanced at his nemesis with a look that spoke not of fear, but that of complete confidence. Matt was a male that played football for the school team, popular among their peers, and twice his size. However, Jamie knew the male entirely too well and grew to see him as gum beneath his shoe.) Not saying that you have to do exactly that. Just as a fellow writer, it is good to hear suggestions and new techniques. Experiment around and you will learn more about yourself in the process. Being simplistic with the narration style can be good for those that are not quick to pick up on many things, but it can turn some others off.
I read this in a creative writing book about two months back, you write for the audience and not for yourself. Poetry is more personal for it deals with your own feelings, you write for yourself and not for others. But, when it comes to writing fictional stories... You are the expert of the world you are writing about. It is your job to share that world with the reader. You want the reader to find that they can't go without hearing more of what you have to tell, reading chapters becomes like that of an addiction. You are the drug dealer that is selling bits of literature to those craving for their fix with a mouse in hand and a computer screen before them. You want the reader to feel as if they are sinking into their seat, only paying attention to your story. Oh shit! Their house is on fire! Do they notice? No! That fiery blaze that surrounds them reminds them of Matt's anger towards Jamie for threatening to inform his parents about his cheating ways.
2HaixBaiIt was certainly interesting, but the many errors took away from the chapter. You made it blatantly obvious that you rushed through typing this for the errors made were... "Come" instead of "Home". These simple errors display that you didn't exactly proof-read. If you want to be taken seriously, you are going to have to start proof reading your work before uploading. It may sound like a complete pain, but it helps save you from embarrassment if and when people decide to mention it as I did. You reveal a bit too much about the characters, which some may see as a good thing, but it leaves no air of mystery. You describe Jamie as one that is rather intelligent and skipped a grade, but you didn't really do a great job at backing that up.
My suggestions: Proof-Read. Be more descriptive, but in a more creative way. Metaphors are amazing.
For those that are new to writing, they tend to stick to First Person Point of View. Try out Third Person for once, you may find yourself surprised as to what you can do. You don't always have to refer the characters by name, I personally like to try this one for size a few times: (The blue-eyed boy glanced at his nemesis with a look that spoke not of fear, but that of complete confidence. Matt was a male that played football for the school team, popular among their peers, and twice his size. However, Jamie knew the male entirely too well and grew to see him as gum beneath his shoe.) Not saying that you have to do exactly that. Just as a fellow writer, it is good to hear suggestions and new techniques. Experiment around and you will learn more about yourself in the process. Being simplistic with the narration style can be good for those that are not quick to pick up on many things, but it can turn some others off.
I read this in a creative writing book about two months back, you write for the audience and not for yourself. Poetry is more personal for it deals with your own feelings, you write for yourself and not for others. But, when it comes to writing fictional stories... You are the expert of the world you are writing about. It is your job to share that world with the reader. You want the reader to find that they can't go without hearing more of what you have to tell, reading chapters becomes like that of an addiction. You are the drug dealer that is selling bits of literature to those craving for their fix with a mouse in hand and a computer screen before them. You want the reader to feel as if they are sinking into their seat, only paying attention to your story. Oh shit! Their house is on fire! Do they notice? No! That fiery blaze that surrounds them reminds them of Matt's anger towards Jamie for threatening to inform his parents about his cheating ways.
4/2/2011 c8 8rotXinXpieces
Yes, you updated! Haha, whether it's a flashback or not, it's still really good. Very cute too. I couldn't stop myself from cooing out loud, good thing the computer's in my room too! Jamie and Matt are so adorable as kids. Jamie's adorable either way, though. Matt... He's cute, but sometimes it's tempting to hit him. And I can't tell if Jamie should be with Jeff or Matt, though I'm leaning more toward MattXJamie since Jeff seems... I dunno, I can't place the word for him, haha, but anyway, great chapter! I really enjoyed it! Can't wait to read your next update!
8rotXinXpiecesYes, you updated! Haha, whether it's a flashback or not, it's still really good. Very cute too. I couldn't stop myself from cooing out loud, good thing the computer's in my room too! Jamie and Matt are so adorable as kids. Jamie's adorable either way, though. Matt... He's cute, but sometimes it's tempting to hit him. And I can't tell if Jamie should be with Jeff or Matt, though I'm leaning more toward MattXJamie since Jeff seems... I dunno, I can't place the word for him, haha, but anyway, great chapter! I really enjoyed it! Can't wait to read your next update!
3/31/2011 c1 iamabc123
loved this chapter, it was so cute! But there Jeff wasnt in this chap :(
hope you update soon!
loved this chapter, it was so cute! But there Jeff wasnt in this chap :(
hope you update soon!
3/30/2011 c8 The milky wayy
I personally thought that this flashback was apsolutely adorable :) I love Jamie, he is cute and I kind of want you to kill off Jeff, he is gross. I like Callen though. Update very quickly, okay?
I personally thought that this flashback was apsolutely adorable :) I love Jamie, he is cute and I kind of want you to kill off Jeff, he is gross. I like Callen though. Update very quickly, okay?
3/30/2011 c8 walnutsalmonds
Personally, I don't want to see Jamie with any of the three guys (Matt, Callen, or Jeff), because they are all filthy who_res. I'm hoping a fourth guy will be introduced into the story, someone who's DECENT, and he will sweep Jamie off his feet and take him away from those douche-bags. Jeff repulses me in a way that only a teacher preying on students can, while Matt and Callen are just dirty motherfu_ckers. I wouldn't want to stand near them for fear of catching an STI, which I'm sure they have every type known (and unknown) to the medical world. Jamie deserves so much better and his first time should be with someone relatively disease free, and obviously none of these three scumbags fit the bill, so I am rooting for a fourth guy.
Sorry for the rant, but I really hate all of the characters, aside from Jamie. :P
PS: Does the 'Kylie' mentioned in Ch.8 have red hair or something? I was just wondering why Matt seemed so infatuated with her. I thought he only cared about Jamie? I guess not.
Personally, I don't want to see Jamie with any of the three guys (Matt, Callen, or Jeff), because they are all filthy who_res. I'm hoping a fourth guy will be introduced into the story, someone who's DECENT, and he will sweep Jamie off his feet and take him away from those douche-bags. Jeff repulses me in a way that only a teacher preying on students can, while Matt and Callen are just dirty motherfu_ckers. I wouldn't want to stand near them for fear of catching an STI, which I'm sure they have every type known (and unknown) to the medical world. Jamie deserves so much better and his first time should be with someone relatively disease free, and obviously none of these three scumbags fit the bill, so I am rooting for a fourth guy.
Sorry for the rant, but I really hate all of the characters, aside from Jamie. :P
PS: Does the 'Kylie' mentioned in Ch.8 have red hair or something? I was just wondering why Matt seemed so infatuated with her. I thought he only cared about Jamie? I guess not.
3/29/2011 c8 10Faerydae
Nice chapter. Wondering how in the world Jamie and Matt ended up hating each other. Thought the chapter was really cute and sweet. Ah childhood love lol.
10FaerydaeNice chapter. Wondering how in the world Jamie and Matt ended up hating each other. Thought the chapter was really cute and sweet. Ah childhood love lol.
3/24/2011 c7 8rotXinXpieces
Wow, this is brilliant! I really love this story! It's been quite a while since a story has made my stomach do flips like that. And make me grin and bury my face in a pillow, haha. I adore the characters! Jamie makes me laugh so much, I'd have to say he's probably my favorite. I like your style, it was like watching a movie in my head! The details are just right and the dialogue is fantastic, pretty realistic. This is overall a great story! I can't wait to read the next chapter!
8rotXinXpiecesWow, this is brilliant! I really love this story! It's been quite a while since a story has made my stomach do flips like that. And make me grin and bury my face in a pillow, haha. I adore the characters! Jamie makes me laugh so much, I'd have to say he's probably my favorite. I like your style, it was like watching a movie in my head! The details are just right and the dialogue is fantastic, pretty realistic. This is overall a great story! I can't wait to read the next chapter!
3/10/2011 c7 4Blank Papyrus
I love this story SO much, but I haven't gotten the chance to review it for a long time. I love the characters and it seems little Jamie has a love trian- square going on here. Poor kid.
For some reason I /really/ want Jamie and Matt to be together. Maybe it's because I'm a sucker for childhood friends ending up in relationships...? Plus I don't like Callen very much and even though Jeff is a diehard Pats fan like me, I think he's kind of creepy.
ANWAYS, I cannot wait for an update.
4Blank PapyrusI love this story SO much, but I haven't gotten the chance to review it for a long time. I love the characters and it seems little Jamie has a love trian- square going on here. Poor kid.
For some reason I /really/ want Jamie and Matt to be together. Maybe it's because I'm a sucker for childhood friends ending up in relationships...? Plus I don't like Callen very much and even though Jeff is a diehard Pats fan like me, I think he's kind of creepy.
ANWAYS, I cannot wait for an update.