for The truth with super heroes and super villians8/6/2010 c1 
5MRM15
This was funny (I hope it was supposed to be O_O). Your summary had me so curious, so you nailed the job of drawing someone in. A lot of the dialogue seemed forced, in fact, to be honest, nearly all of it did. If you read your dialogue aloud, you can hear where it does. Although, it did sound cartoonish, which could have been what you were going for.
SSGirl and Gizmo Girl: the names sound very similar, which can be hard on the reader. When you're saying "girl" so many times, it becomes repetitive.
I could see this being a cartoon on TV, or some kind of short movie if you know what I mean. Perhaps make a screenplay version? That could be interesting!
Well, I enjoyed the read so thank you.
Let me know if you go further on it. I know you said it was a oneshot but, just in case. :)
~Marina M.
Author of: The Death Deities
5MRM15This was funny (I hope it was supposed to be O_O). Your summary had me so curious, so you nailed the job of drawing someone in. A lot of the dialogue seemed forced, in fact, to be honest, nearly all of it did. If you read your dialogue aloud, you can hear where it does. Although, it did sound cartoonish, which could have been what you were going for.
SSGirl and Gizmo Girl: the names sound very similar, which can be hard on the reader. When you're saying "girl" so many times, it becomes repetitive.
I could see this being a cartoon on TV, or some kind of short movie if you know what I mean. Perhaps make a screenplay version? That could be interesting!
Well, I enjoyed the read so thank you.
Let me know if you go further on it. I know you said it was a oneshot but, just in case. :)
~Marina M.
Author of: The Death Deities