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9/29/2011 c7 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Shit. I've actually forgotten about you. I've forgotten how many reviews I've owed over the ages. -.- Anyway I will try to make the most of whatever time I've had because I'm going to sleep soon.

Firstly on Kinto's transition from the beginning till now, I do find it pretty much ironic that the one person he truly held dear all the while would be the one who betrayed him so as to speak. In a very warped, yet real sense, the show of pragmatism from his mom would be what one will get to see in everyday reality. I've said this more often than not that politics would always be ultimate gauge in humane nature. If you understand the basics in jumping ship in politics (I know the case for US is especially high profile due to that one thing called post World War II history), then you'll understand what I'm trying to say on the mechanics. :)

And now that I've came to that point, I actually felt that you could have played up on Kinto's rage. Whatever I've seen is only the general stuff that every generic character in the same mold could actually fit in. Simply put, instead of resenting his stepfather just like that, why not try to expand the conflicts of his emotions? Like has there been any event in particular that scarred him unto such an extent that he won't be able to forgive his stepfather? Or maybe try to conceive a certain past event where Kinto started to see his stepfather in the current light? Try to create a comparison between his initial impression and the current angst?

Likewise for his mother, I feel that you could have tried to hype up the emotions of feeling abandoned because this is what Kinto's feeling right now. Instead of just thoughts based on the situation, I feel that you could have tried to connect the dots where specific events are concerned like the transition between her previous life under his original father and her current status, how he perceived the change in her in an emotional spectrum, etc.

Simply put, I feel that you've put in way too many statements based on rationality. In fact I think that you could have tried even harder to create some real show of emotions as instead of just doing the given scenarios like a script based on the situation. Try to visualize the inner feelings of a person who doesn't feel loved or needed. Then channel this very concept into the story. Actually at the risk of sounding rude (which of course isn't what I intended right from the start since you know my character), I do feel that in this end, if there's a real Kinto, chances are that you yourself would be able to empathize with him not in necessarily in terms of situation, but definitely emotions and struggles.
6/2/2011 c10 1esthaelum
HA. Oh, I loved this chapter! Loving how Sierra's first hangover was when she was eight... It's just so typical of her! It was really nice to read about Sierra when she was a child - kinda makes you understand why she's the way she is! Her family seemed very nice too, and it was nice to have that background with her!
6/2/2011 c9 esthaelum
It was nice how you developed the relationship between Puck and Kinto here! I like how they... kind of get along, and how their personalities contrast each other. Puck is a lively, louad guy, and Kinto tends to be more serious and calm. ^_^ I loved the moments near the end where Puck was messing around with Kinto! Kinto's reaction to it was really nice too ^_^

Anyway, great chapter as always!
4/5/2011 c2 2I-am-happy
Again, really good chapter. Odd, but really well written. I many places you used quite a range of words, making it very fun and enjoyable to read! I really liked it! To be honest, I was jumping in my seat at some parts of this chapter :)


Via RH
4/2/2011 c9 4Frayling0
Just realised how far behind I am with this - I'm sorry, I really fail at organisation :( I just love the way Puck talks to Kinto, he's so colloquial and funny, he strikes me as a lovable rogue sort of character, and you portrayed that really well here. I love the fact you described the bond as sibling like, it made me feel really warm and fuzzy hehe. Kinto's little recollections were amazing, and felt really powerful. I also think you concluded it really well with the passing on of the watch. That thought seemed to bring Kinto to some sort of rest. Wow buddy, great chapter, and I will try find time to catch up ASAP! ~ Luke
4/1/2011 c1 2I-am-happy
Hey! Good job on writing! Very well done! Really enjoyed it all! The way you... I don't know... showed everything... (even that isn't a good word to use for it.) Anywho, I really liked it! keep writing


This review is sponsored by via Roadhouse. Repay to via Waiting For You.
2/27/2011 c1 4lookingwest
From RH

Some of the bigger paragraphs slowed down my reading and the pacing of the chapters, I would suggest finding some nice places there where you could split them up to help the pace so it doesn't slow down in those sections, sometimes FP readers have a bit of a hard time with larger blocks, though you could go ahead and keep them in your final manuscript. I did like the way that you dispersed the dialogue throughout the narration though, it kept things concrete and I thought it was a creative device. Liked the descriptions and characterizations you made about sort of being the odd-man-out in things. I think you've got a good start, for sure!
2/26/2011 c1 4What Happens Now
The A/N really spoiled the chapter, I thought it was going to eat him or something, but of course it's just his familiar. SO I liked it, him having to conform to societie's double standards of being mute and comformity. I didn't like his parents, but that besides the point I didnt like his lack of well now dialogue but interaction with other characters. If he was at the library so much and he can read, why didnt he ever write on a sheet of paper what he wanted, and what stopped the librarian from responding sparking a friendship to grow?
2/23/2011 c8 1esthaelum
Ooh! A forest with fairies! This is why I love fantasy:D Wouldnt it be awesome if forests with fairies existed in the REAL world? I think that would be ace :D

I thought this chapter was clever! Especially for Puck's chapter! I really liked the idea of the narrator getting interrupted and so on... The descriptions about the forest was great, and I loved how Puck kept popping up :D He's awesome! :D

2/5/2011 c8 4Frayling0
So it's Puck's turn today :) The narrators description was really good. I loved the forest colours, sepia being the unique highlight. I think this developed him more than you thought, because we saw in his sort of habitat, doing what he does best. He felt very natural and 'at home'. I love breaking the fourth wall - I get told off for it all the time haha! Puck and the narrator dynamics was genius, kudos for coming up with that, it felt very unique. Because of the narrator sections, and the very different feeling to this chapter, I really enjoyed it! I think you should write a JS sequel :) Great work! ~ Luke, Roadhouse
1/24/2011 c7 1esthaelum
Kinto is a really good character here! You did a nice job making me sympathize with him. I get the feeling that he's the type of character that always looks alone and lonely... I feel really sorry for him... Makes me want to give him a big hug. Anyway, great chapter as always! Update soon! :D

1/17/2011 c6 esthaelum
Yay! Rosa and Karn! I really liked seeing how they became to be familiars! It always interested how someone so serious like Karn could be a familiar to Rosa, who has such a strong personality. I really liked seeing how Rosa dealt with herself in the times when she was still as 'Meliana'. Obviously, she hates being a royal, and really despises it. Anyway, I like the relationship with Karn and Rosa. It's really nice :)

Good chapter!

1/17/2011 c5 esthaelum
Its nice to read about Karn here. I felt I didnt get to know much about him in the other story, but Im looking forward to reading more about his character in this one! I think you did a really good job with karn here. He still seems like the old Karn with the 'stone face', but he also has some deep feelings, such as pride and so on. I can wait to see how you'll develop him here!
1/14/2011 c7 4Frayling0
Awesome. This chapter felt very genuine in its portrayal of Kinto's emotions - in fact, I felt a lot of empathy towards him. It's sad to see how isolated he was back then... Nevertheless, you ended on a good note. He shows a glimmer of power there - "he didn't need him." Great chapter, developing your cast really well as always. Update soon :) ~ Luke, Roadhouse
1/2/2011 c6 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Heya there. Yours truly again. Okay I guess this will be the last review of the night. Need to sleep and prepare for work tomorrow. -.- Anyway, I really like the concept of the chapter. However one major flaw I'm seeing here would be the excessive lack of vital details.

On Rosa's end, I know that she's resentful towards her life, but everything was deduced my me via the main story and not this one. Here, I don't find a clear clue on her own feelings. I think that you could have actually created certain expressions of thought and emotions in relating to the universal system of the nobility and royalty. It will actually do so much more wonders in giving her a stronger character identity, trust me. ;)

As for Karn, to be honest I think you could have gone a bit more in depth on what warranted his protective nature towards Rosa. I've seen it in the main story, but I fail to see the cause here. Of course I can guess it a mile away, but you'll have to know that not everybody's brain works the same.

As for the summoning process, I think you might need to put in vital details. If my guess is right, Karn's identity as a familiar wasn't in the same mold as Midlothian mainly because I assume Shamanism has already gone extinct in this world of yours apart from a few exceptions. If my assumption is true, then it's definitely needed for you to explain the differences of summoning so as to set a clear line both in terms of background and possibly plotline plus the characterizing.

And lastly for you comments on Rosa and Karn being trapped, while I agree with your stance of Rosa, I beg to differ for Karn's case. In a certain sense, being a familiar was a freedom for him as in he could finally break free from his old life. But yet after reading this chapter and your A/N here, I think he has always been a prisoner of his own trauma of loss as per portrayed by the previous chapter. Anyway, I hope my critique here won't sound too harsh here. If it is, then I apologize. I'm being affected by a case of illness. I truly doubt any normal person would be able to concentrate hundred percent if he ended up coughing due to a constant feeling of a dry throat. x.x.
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