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for Twist of Daisy

1/31/2011 c1 4SCopySCat91
Wow! I really like it. I mean, the twincest part made me squirm a bit, but you did it tastefully. I liked your word choice as well
1/28/2011 c4 4Reiki Convulsion
Wo, catching up on my reading...heh

This is definately the chapter that raises all the questions. Like: what the hell happens when Kair finds out the truth? What about the girl? Hahah, questions, questions~

I did notice a few tense errors...present tense and past in the same sentence that kind of threw me for a loop near the beginning. But it's fine because I know what you're saying so...yeah.

I'm excited to see how this story goes.
1/25/2011 c1 4Kanari Toneriko
:3

I like the brother-sister thing. The way you wrote it, I didn't feel queasy at all. Thumbs up!
1/24/2011 c4 5Victoria Stokes
i didn't find the japanese confusing at all, since you explained what had been said in the next paragraph. so, good job ^_^

haha sheena is cute, i wanted to punch andrew when he started thinking mean things about her :( but, i still like his jerkiness. makes me laugh :D

the only mistake i caught was this: His hair floated around him, the gush of the water messaging his cheeks. - *massaging. not messaging haha. this isn't facebook! (see . . . that was a joke. haha).

okay well, i didn't see anything wrong with this. the descriptions of the place and stuff sounded rather pretty, and the culture seems cool. overall it seems like i'd be a pretty tight place to live haha. almost makes ME want to be a dragon.

so, good job choppy :) i like this a lot!
1/23/2011 c4 draco oblivion
It was kind of confusing having so much Japanese in one go. Maybe if you halved the speech from Sheena and explained each half it would be easier to understand.
1/23/2011 c3 draco oblivion
That was funny. :)
1/23/2011 c4 31HeroofEnelios
SHEENA! I love that name, and I don't know why.

If you're asking if I understood this chapter, yes. Since I am studying Japanese it helps so I did understand what they were saying. Happy!

A really great chapter!
1/21/2011 c3 5Victoria Stokes
i didn't really notice any grammar mistakes except for this:

"Thank you, Princess, for letting me be the one to escort you," he pulled out a pocket watch from his pants pocket"

new sentence after "you" so a period's missing. that's all i caught haha.

okay, i really like this story so far haha. honestly, i hate/love andrew at the same time. intresting combo, and it does a good job of making me feel something!

and this line -

""Prince Kai," He taunted. Andrew held out his arms, walking around. When there was no answer, he dropped his arms.

Insolent dragon."

that cracked me up haha. and your writing has really improved. that's pretty awesome. overall, good job :)
1/19/2011 c1 63RedactedNoLongerWriting
Spelling/Grammar:

I noticed a few places where the verb tense changed, particularly in descriptions. For the most part, the chapter seems to be in past tense, but then there are places it shifts into present tense, such as '...but Andrew can tell she relaxed' and 'The way her eyes shimmer in the light.'

Dialogue:

Much of the dialogue seems to be for revealing information. There's nothing wrong with this, exactly, if it's done in moderation, but toward the middle (particularly when introducing the dragons) it starts to feel like the whole point of the conversation is to catch up the reader, rather than to reveal things to the characters. If details are things that the characters should know already, exposition should probably stay as narration.

Relationships:

It was a little strange to read this and see how distraught Andrew was that Amelia was leaving but she didn't seem to have any regrets about leaving him. I could see this working if their relationship was more obviously one-sided but Andrew speaks of her like she cares for him as much as he cares for her and I don't really get that. If anything, it seems like she'd rather be away from him. I know her reactions are mostly because she's excited over where she's going but it comes off like she's not going to miss him.

Other:

I liked the use of dragons in this. I haven't read many stories with dragons that take human form so that was interesting to me. It was kinda cool how you showed the human-form dragons as normal, in clothes and with trendy hairstyles, then a giant dragon staring him down, haha. Very nice.
1/19/2011 c1 4Reiki Convulsion
I do believe I will be following this story! :D

My favourite part that I think is complete gold is this:

' "God, my twin is leaving me," Andrew whispered. "My twin. What would you do now, now that this kingdom we have just saved from out enemies, would now fall into ruins because a half soul like mine will be running it?" '

I love the whole half soul bit ruling the kingdom bit.

And I can't wait until Andrew gets going on his adventure with the big blue dragon the size of the castle...hah
1/19/2011 c3 31HeroofEnelios
Even after Andrew specifically told Kai not to touch him in any way, the dragon still went and did it anyways. I sometimes think people like that, do that just to aggrivate people on purpose. Sheesh. A wonderful chapter, it was excellent!
1/19/2011 c3 1stillouette
I love this chapter! But I'm wondering, does Kai know that it's actually Andrew in the dress? Anyway, I really liked it!
1/18/2011 c2 5Victoria Stokes
that ending killed me, haha. andrew . . . yeah he's pretty much insane. but it's definitely entertaining :) the only thing that made me go "um" was in the beginning when andrew was thinking about how incest is gross. like, before it seemed like for their world it wasn't too odd, but that sort of made me go "oh so they are just absolutely out of their minds" haha.

but, i still liked it ^_^ and andrew's constant watching her really made me laugh for some reason. i just found it so funny! haha and his and amelia's interactions are sweet (once getting past the incest) and funny. good job :)
1/18/2011 c1 downforthecount
Interesting start. One comment that I have is your dialogue seems very flowery. Especially in the beginning when Andrew is talking to Amelia. I feel like the dialogue between them should be more familiar, they are twins after all. It can still be desperate, it just needs to sound more natural. I also think you could benefit from more descriptions. I would like to be able to visualize the kingdom, the dragons, and the characters. Otherwise, good beginning.

~The Review Game~
1/16/2011 c1 14Louis-sama
Maybe it's time for me to pay the debt.

Uh... usually I'm not truly into incest, but considering that this is your story, I have to put that kind of disgust aside. Whatever it is, this story seemed to engross my attention.

First of all, it's about the sibling love between Amelia and Andrew. While my reaction with their relationship is an 'eww', I guess you've go that right into your story. Royalty used to have brothers and sisters married.

End then, it's the dragon clan. I find it interesting to have a clan of dragons that can take another form, which is a human form. Okay, that's all about the dragons.

I've read the second chapter and I am amazed about what you did to Andrew. But it keep me wondering about how identical both Andrew and Amelia can be. Usually, fraternal twins aren't that identical. Maybe this is my only criticism for your story and it is for a quite petty reason.

Thank you for your reviews earlier. I'm sorry for bothering you with my PM. I know I shouldn't ask you to be less harsh, I realized that after I sent you PM. Whatever it is, thank you. I hope to see more about this story in the future.
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