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4/3/2012 c1 UnusedAccount22
Yet again, you've made an interesting story, I hope that these ideas develop. Having read "Marked", I get the impression that these stories will be very good.
3/19/2011 c1 2Meg Krainz
D:! update soon!
1/29/2011 c1 Old xRayneWolfx account
Please update this soon :) I enjoyed reading this! Keep up the great work darkhawk.

8/19/2010 c1 45deefective
Hmm, very interesting. I'm not th biggest fan of Fantasy but I liked that you had a solid idea going on here. You seem to know what you're talking about and the direction you want this piece to go in, which is good. Your plot so far is at a good pace, though I do think it would be good if you spiced up the narration a little. The writing was just fine but it felt a bit lackluster. That's understandable, seeing as this is just a first chapter/introduction. I would've liked to see more personality shine through, especially seeing as you're writing in first person. The prologue was a nice touch, with the letter and all. Though I do think your point there got a bit lost. Also, as for the tone, I'm on the fence with it so far. It's in between that fantasy-like almost olden-time kind of thing and just informal speaking. It doesn't weave well, at least not in this chapter, so you could define it a bit more. But really, nice job on a first chapter.
8/19/2010 c1 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Well contrary to what you've said in the ending A/N, I do feel that this is a strong starting chapter. You did very well to humanize the characters and I think I can foresee the whole vs-a-god kind of story. The imagery of the chapter was really well done with the readers able to visualize everything clearly without a second try. Sable's thoughts were also quite detailed and well done as well.

If there's anything I can suggest in improving, I think you could have done a certain insight on whether and/or how Sable's state of mind was degenerating during the process of being trapped. Also I think you could have done a more in depth view on her decision to save Grayv as well instead of just a mention of sheer sympathy. Cetreps seems like a total ambiguity to me, which is a good thing since that type of character would be needed in this type of fantasy story. I truly wonder how the story will pan out. And sorry if this review is woefully short and out of depth. My brain is a bit messed up for now. x.x

-From The Roadhouse. :)
8/16/2010 c1 23AvidWriter-92
Hey, DarkHawk. :)

Wow, this is an amazing story so far. :D I really, really enjoyed reading it. :]

Honestly, I couldn't find anything wrong with it, so I'm just going to tell you the things that I liked/thought was cool. ^^

I loved the descriptions that you had in the beginning with this unknown character in a black and white world. The whole concept of the story is very unique. :) I can feel the emotions that the Sable is feeling, and I can easily relate to her character.

I also really liked the mysterious voice that Sable hears in her dreams. It's very suspenseful, and I like that about stories. I can tell that she's very eager to understand why he's there, and what he wants to do with her. :)

I also like the other boy in this story... (Grayv?) I wonder why he's different than Sable, seeing as she has no color, while his eyes are green, and he bleeds red blood. :) I also thought it was kind of odd how he couldn't speak until she named him, almost like a child. I thought it was odd, in a good way, though. :P

I adored the ending. Loved it. :P The last sentence was amazing. I would have never guessed that. (Well, I knew that it was going to happen, but I forgot about the summary when I started to read it, so... lol. xP)

I really, really hope that you update soon! :D This is definitely on the top of my favorites list of stories here on FP. :D

~Avid, via the Roadhouse. :) Repaid your lovely review. :) 1/1.
8/16/2010 c1 Wounded-Petals
This was a very interesting first chapter, though very long. I like the narration in it and how you slowly revealed everything in it. There are a few parts that seem to drag on a bit long, but I'm sure its for a reason. The pacing, however, isn't terrible. I think it's because so much is going on in this one chapter that it seems a bit fast, but it's still good.

I like Sable though, she seems like a fun character to write, and Grayv will probably start to shine soon.

8/15/2010 c1 2AZsweetheart
Whoa! i like the way this is going!

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