8/19/2010 c1 Beelzebabe
I'm liking this.

Your dialogue is so strong. I love how well you capture the casual banter of young girls. It flows really nicely, feels generally believable, and deviates, refreshingly, from the characters I normally expect. I like your choice to have all female characters. The only thing I'd watch for is being consistent with your main character, she wavers between being a shy, good student, responsible daughter who is longing for deep friendship, and being completely bad ass, open to drugs, and willing to shoot at the girls who are becoming her family without first hearing their explanation. I just find some of these qualities to be incompatible. As a reader, I want her to be either very lost and vulnerable, perhaps transforming into a stronger character, or rough the whole while, and perhaps letting her guard down.

Thanks for sharing this. It was a fun read.

8/15/2010 c1 1ihatespiderman
This was very interesting, cunfusing though.

It seems that she's a kid, yet an adult. I guess it's just the way they speak.

I cannot wait to see what happens next.