for If You Follow My Checklist Then9/5/2010 c1 
11HiddenFromYou
I love the parts in brackets. I feel they give an extra dimension to the poem, and they were unique to read, almost as if they were inner thoughts of your characters, added into the middle of all the turmoil. Really liked that touch, and think that the poem would have benefited from having that technique used throughout.
I didn't quite understand what you mean by the last line. I see the relationship of the two people in this poem being a mother and son, and don't really see how that line could fit in.
I did like, however, that you used lots of different images to get your point across, as it gives a lot of variety to the reader.
-From the Review Marathon (link in my profile)
11HiddenFromYouI love the parts in brackets. I feel they give an extra dimension to the poem, and they were unique to read, almost as if they were inner thoughts of your characters, added into the middle of all the turmoil. Really liked that touch, and think that the poem would have benefited from having that technique used throughout.
I didn't quite understand what you mean by the last line. I see the relationship of the two people in this poem being a mother and son, and don't really see how that line could fit in.
I did like, however, that you used lots of different images to get your point across, as it gives a lot of variety to the reader.
-From the Review Marathon (link in my profile)
8/25/2010 c1 11Doggfather
I love this. I dont dwell about the technical aspect of writing in my reviews. I take a poem in and see it with my minds eye.
This gave me a lot to see.
Dont read this as a review. Read it as a thank you note.
Thank you.
11DoggfatherI love this. I dont dwell about the technical aspect of writing in my reviews. I take a poem in and see it with my minds eye.
This gave me a lot to see.
Dont read this as a review. Read it as a thank you note.
Thank you.
8/20/2010 c1 lymli
I like the meaning of this about sharing feels and thoughts.
cool piece.
have a great weekend.
I like the meaning of this about sharing feels and thoughts.
cool piece.
have a great weekend.
8/16/2010 c1 75thewhimsicalbard
I have to say one thing about your flow: the fact that every single line is capitalized really doesn't help things very much.
On a content note: this is very much biased from the feminine point of view - I see facebook pages like this all the time...
"What a girl really wants is... (list of 100 qualities and actions that every guy should possess/make a habit of doing)." Personally, I find this type of thinking to be a little bit frustrating - however, as it is your writing, you can use it as an outlet if you wish.
I loved the two parts in parentheses, and also your verb choices. Even though the phrasing was sometimes awkward, simple and powerful verbs like "toil" and "inquire" and "decipher" got the job done.
Keep up the good work! This piece is a step up from the other pieces I've read.
-thewhimsicalbard
75thewhimsicalbardI have to say one thing about your flow: the fact that every single line is capitalized really doesn't help things very much.
On a content note: this is very much biased from the feminine point of view - I see facebook pages like this all the time...
"What a girl really wants is... (list of 100 qualities and actions that every guy should possess/make a habit of doing)." Personally, I find this type of thinking to be a little bit frustrating - however, as it is your writing, you can use it as an outlet if you wish.
I loved the two parts in parentheses, and also your verb choices. Even though the phrasing was sometimes awkward, simple and powerful verbs like "toil" and "inquire" and "decipher" got the job done.
Keep up the good work! This piece is a step up from the other pieces I've read.
-thewhimsicalbard