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11/28/2010 c1 612simpleplan13
I didn't like the punctuation here. The second stanza really seemed like it should be it's own sentence. It didn't really flow into the third like the same sentence. Also the ending seemed weird. I didn't get how it fit in since the whole piece was in present tense it didn't seem like the previous stanzas were memories... I dunno it confused me...

Anyway I liked the piece. The fact that you called it mushy was great because I think we think we're being mushy a lot, but we really can't help it. The second to last stanza was really well done too.

PS Check out the Review Game and/or it's Review Marathon (links in my profile!)

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