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4/17/2011 c1 1Charlee Rayne
that was so sad!
9/13/2010 c1 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Heya there. Me again to review this one as per your request. :) Okay, so I assume that this is a one shot here. well, basically this is a very well done piece of work here and it's pretty much refreshing to see an ending so different from the happily ever after types. Eh I hope I'm not sounding too sadistic here. -.- Anyway, you did extremely well in portraying Riven and Alida's characters. I really like the protective nature of Riven plus Alida's traumatic character. They were definitely very well done.

If there's anything I can suggest in improving here, it will be the fact that you could have defined Malura's appearance in a more detailed manner. Another thing would be the question of why Alida would want to venture to the outside world despite her own personal past there. This is something that you've failed to let the readers have any idea on and I think it's one thing you will need to take notice in the future. Apart from that, nothing much to say. Good job here dude. :)

P.S: After this one, do I still owe you anymore reviews? If not, then I hope you can continue reviewing A Ranger's Tale. :)
9/6/2010 c1 23AvidWriter-92
Oh, wow. :) This was beautiful, DarkHawk. :D

I loved the descriptions and the characters and the two of them being persecuted for being different. Sigh. I basically loved everything about this. :D

I couldn't figure out one thing, though. Did Alida keep calling Riven master because of her experiences of being a slave when she was little? It seemed like she was switching back and forth, like she didn't know who she was exactly. I thought it was interesting. :D

Oh, I loved the ending. So sad, but wonderful at the same time. :')

Great job with this. I liked the idea of a bird being able to fly without any feathers... :P

~Avid, via the RH. Repaid your review. :)
9/6/2010 c1 10Vroooommmmmm
ok a great one shot...loved the emotions at the end...a typical story told in a great way...vocabulary is good and sentence formations r gr8...neat grammar and an interesting storyline holds it out...concept is familiar tho...nothing innovative...but told like something else...in fact it is great...excellent piece...keep writing...your style is gr8 and the pace is good...
9/5/2010 c1 SaberSonicDude
This was beautifully written. Theres not one part of this story that did not have me engaged the whole time.

The ending was, sad, yet also I found it semi happy, in the way you wrote "A slave no longer. In that moment, she was complete, she was free. Lovely. :) as some might call it a 10 out of 10. XD
8/28/2010 c1 2Kaigero
Story was brilliant :D

It's a shame that they both died at the end though :(
8/23/2010 c1 Centrifugal Convexity
D'aww, man. Why'd you have to go and end it like that? Riven dying, I can understand... But Alida, too? Dude... That was sad. Personally, I would've had Alida meet up with another Atrocity, and they run off back to Riven's castle, or something...

But, the way that you ended it was really good, too. Just... Very, very sad.

Other than the ending, I loved the entire storyline. Every single word flowed like a river, and your vocabulary was excellent. I spotted a few typos here and there, but other than that, this was just about perfect. I'm eager to reading more from you!

Wishing your luck with your future writing endeavors,

CC.
8/23/2010 c1 52Ciaran Mordecai
omg this was AMAZING i seriously cant wait for more!

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