9/15/2010 c1 11HiddenFromYou
There was lovely imagery in this. You painted a serene picture that managed to fit your words perfectly. I'm not too sure about the word choice, however. On one hand, you got the emotions you were conveying across, but I felt the language used was a little too simple in places. Some more unique words could have been used. I enjoyed the first half of the poem better, as that was the half that had most of the imagery in and really set the scene. I did enjoy the poem's overall message as well though. There was one small mistake and one thing I'm not too sure about. On the third line, "its" should be "it's" and I'm not sure why the ellipses were included at all, as they interupted the flow of the poem and slowed it right down. It didn't feel natural.

8/27/2010 c1 lymli
that makes me think about the poeple who doesn't believe, but anyway, everybody needs to believe... cool poem.

have a sweet weekend,