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for Business As Usual

10/23/2010 c1 28Robin Leigh
Wow, I like it. It's not a run-of-the-mill story. I hope you don't mind my asking: what inspired you to write this story? I'm only 15 and I'd really like to broaden my horizons when it comes to writing. :D Thanks. :D
9/12/2010 c1 this wild abyss
This is an interesting interpretation of the prompt, I think. I personally can't see where this ties in, but the same could probably said for my submission, so I'll shut up now. On the whole, I thought this was interestingly portrayed and written. The text-conversation was unique, as was the appearance of a bum. One thing I feel that you were missing out on a little was description. I never really got a good image of where all this was taking place, so the sudden mention of a fire-escape threw me, since before I'd been assuming that it took place in the suburbs. But other than that, this wasn't half bad.
9/11/2010 c1 63RedactedNoLongerWriting
I like the characters in this, especially the guy at the end. I wasn't sure at first how the story would go when he came in (would it be dark/turn out bad for her or would it be okay?) and I was happy things turned out okay with him. It was a nice change from some of the other WCC entries (they were almost all dark this month, haha). ANYWAY. It was cool that Stephanie met someone who looked different and maybe a little scary but was basically her. I thought that learning experience could've been developed a little more but otherwise it was well-executed.

The only mistake I really noticed was the text 'i paid in advance...' not being italicized. Including the texts was a nice touch. I don't usually see it in stories but it worked well in this case.

Overall, interesting story. Good luck on WCC!
9/9/2010 c1 11HiddenFromYou
I like the contrast you made between the characters here. The one that stood out the most was that Stephanie was cheating Todd out of his money and being completely justified about it, but when the tramp wants to cheat her, she's not happy about it.

I couldn't find much else to say about this piece, other than I liked it. There was the little matter of, if there's a midnight curfew, why are there twenty-four hour places in the city though?

Best of luck in the WCC. :)
9/7/2010 c1 4lookingwest
I normally go into a bit of a reluctant ramble about texting in short stories and it's place and use in a narrative, but your are Sir, and you and I both know you are an amazing writer, and if there's anyone that can fit it into a narrative smoothly and with convincing sense of purpose as a statement about our current culture, it is you. XD

I really like the scene you set up right before the text conversation begins between the two of them. It was very descriptive but still ambiguous, and I liked the image of scattered parts of the digital watch, very cool and stylized.

i paid in advance so u wld get it done faster, u kno, not so u could enjoy my cash while u kick back and relax


u what? Steph, if my dad finds out i broke that thing, he'll kill me!

-Is there a reason this particular texts aren't italicized like the rest of them? I couldn't figure that out. I thought maybe it was the reply texts, but then you seem to italicize the ones that are coming from the male character and also the ones coming from Steph, so...wasn't sure.

I don't think I will ever be able to truly take text talk serious, for realz, I always text that way as a joke to people, but never seriously O_O

Oh man, talk about a bad day. I like how you led up to the moment where her phone is dropped. Ugh, I definitley have never had that happen! I like the moment of frustration with kicking the wall too, made it realistic for me.

o_O Well THAT was kind of a creepy stranger situation there! I don't even know what I would have done but it fits so well for a short story! The plot and scene is simple enough but it has all the intrigue and fabulousness that is the genius of writing short narratives, haha. I liked the twist at the end when he reveals the missing part to the watch too-man, yeah, that creeped me out a bit. Good ending with "business is business" that was the perfecto way to sum everything up. And the dialogue between them was refreshing after the texting too, XD, way to balance it out for lame readers like me, hahaha. Best of luck in the WCC, Sir! I'm so glad to read another story and I await the next of Wildest of Tales!
9/6/2010 c1 12lianoid
Really interesting piece, Sir! This one definitely stuck out for me because of the characters. There wasn’t any romance which was a nice change, so kudos to you for setting this piece apart from the others.

Your characters were unique, and I like that both the homeless man and Stephanie are mechanically inclined. I just thought that was a great way to have them be able to relate to one another, and provided some interesting characterization.

Everything read smoothly and your writing is solid all around. I didn’t encounter any spelling mistakes which is a plus, so bonus points for that. Really enjoyed this one; excellent work, and best of luck in this month’s WCC.

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