for the granny who conquered the world10/8/2010 c2 
31MidNight The Magnificent
Amusing little story, but I have to take issues with a few things. You overuse explaining the jokes afterwards in brackets, and while it may have elicited a few chuckles initially, it just gets tired after a while. Now I understand that you were much younger when you wrote this, but I just figured I'd point it out so you can start your rewriting/edits now, for when you want to get these stories published later on.
I was the same, really. A 16-year-old me had an irrational love of the "&" symbol, and I've been through Hell lately, revisiting all the Twisted Tales I used to write to clean up my bad grammar and punctuation. It saves more trouble because when you keep writing in this way, and end up with a Mt. Everest of stuff to edit and it is just tedious. Believe me. I KNOW.
Well, busy now, so I'll catch up on your story later, alright?
Cheers,
MidNight
31MidNight The MagnificentAmusing little story, but I have to take issues with a few things. You overuse explaining the jokes afterwards in brackets, and while it may have elicited a few chuckles initially, it just gets tired after a while. Now I understand that you were much younger when you wrote this, but I just figured I'd point it out so you can start your rewriting/edits now, for when you want to get these stories published later on.
I was the same, really. A 16-year-old me had an irrational love of the "&" symbol, and I've been through Hell lately, revisiting all the Twisted Tales I used to write to clean up my bad grammar and punctuation. It saves more trouble because when you keep writing in this way, and end up with a Mt. Everest of stuff to edit and it is just tedious. Believe me. I KNOW.
Well, busy now, so I'll catch up on your story later, alright?
Cheers,
MidNight
10/6/2010 c7 Jerome Miles
Oh wow...
Started reading this on a whim, boring evening. What better than fictionpress? Gosh, I adore your writing style; you're so talented. I laughed out loud multiple times, and only paused because you got frisky about reviews here around Ch. 7.
Looking forward to the next few installments.
Great work! :) 4.5 stars
Oh wow...
Started reading this on a whim, boring evening. What better than fictionpress? Gosh, I adore your writing style; you're so talented. I laughed out loud multiple times, and only paused because you got frisky about reviews here around Ch. 7.
Looking forward to the next few installments.
Great work! :) 4.5 stars
9/25/2010 c3 8iwillbealwaysadreamer
I find it quite funny that Kai's just sat there chewing stuff quite happily. And, on the subject of the kids wasting the ambulance men's time, I know what 'a waste of time' is in German. Supposedly. It's in my German book. But I can't say it. I can, however, say Black Forest Gateau (Schwarzwalde Kirshtorte) and Science (Naturwissenschaften) in German. Oh, and ginea pig, too... Oh, no, I forgot how to spell it... damn... I love speaking German... :)
8iwillbealwaysadreamerI find it quite funny that Kai's just sat there chewing stuff quite happily. And, on the subject of the kids wasting the ambulance men's time, I know what 'a waste of time' is in German. Supposedly. It's in my German book. But I can't say it. I can, however, say Black Forest Gateau (Schwarzwalde Kirshtorte) and Science (Naturwissenschaften) in German. Oh, and ginea pig, too... Oh, no, I forgot how to spell it... damn... I love speaking German... :)
9/25/2010 c2 iwillbealwaysadreamer
Hello! I is reviewing! Yay for reviewing! I likeses this story. I like how the note makes it sounds like she's just popped off to the shops or something. Lol! :) Isn't Kai a boy's name? I thought it was. Oh wells. The black belt in karate thing makes her sound like Sunny for A Series Of Unfortunate Events. :) Reading more now, byesles until the next review! :)
Hello! I is reviewing! Yay for reviewing! I likeses this story. I like how the note makes it sounds like she's just popped off to the shops or something. Lol! :) Isn't Kai a boy's name? I thought it was. Oh wells. The black belt in karate thing makes her sound like Sunny for A Series Of Unfortunate Events. :) Reading more now, byesles until the next review! :)
9/22/2010 c1 iwillbealwaysadreamer
Lol, this sounds so awesome! If you hadn't said, I wouldn't have guessed that you wrote this when you were seven/eight. It sounds like something me and my friends might write/have written on the coach on a school trip (one of us brings a notebook and a pen, and we pass it round and let all our randomness lose on the paper. We've ended up with some awesomely funny, random stories!) :) Unfortunately, it is now nine o clock and Mum is already nagging me (but it's not THAT late!) so I can't start reading it right now (SADFACE!) but I promise you, I WILL! And if it seems like I might possibly break that promise, PM ME AND REMIND ME AND THREATEN ME WITH COOKIE DEPRIVATION AND BEING HIT WITH A TEXT BOOK (preferably our GCSE maths text books, they're pretty big) IF YOU HAVE TO! :)
Lol, this sounds so awesome! If you hadn't said, I wouldn't have guessed that you wrote this when you were seven/eight. It sounds like something me and my friends might write/have written on the coach on a school trip (one of us brings a notebook and a pen, and we pass it round and let all our randomness lose on the paper. We've ended up with some awesomely funny, random stories!) :) Unfortunately, it is now nine o clock and Mum is already nagging me (but it's not THAT late!) so I can't start reading it right now (SADFACE!) but I promise you, I WILL! And if it seems like I might possibly break that promise, PM ME AND REMIND ME AND THREATEN ME WITH COOKIE DEPRIVATION AND BEING HIT WITH A TEXT BOOK (preferably our GCSE maths text books, they're pretty big) IF YOU HAVE TO! :)
9/14/2010 c1 Giggles001
I recon that this story is really funny... I like the fact that kai can do things that normal toddlers can't do... I can't wait to read more!
I recon that this story is really funny... I like the fact that kai can do things that normal toddlers can't do... I can't wait to read more!
9/14/2010 c4 1VaVista
I love this. It's so funny and I love the little interjections like "the three innocent(well, maybe not so innocent)...children". I love your style. This is such a cute story and the title caught my eye. :)
1VaVistaI love this. It's so funny and I love the little interjections like "the three innocent(well, maybe not so innocent)...children". I love your style. This is such a cute story and the title caught my eye. :)
9/13/2010 c4 Moogh
"Hey!" Nicholas yelled, stopping in his tracks. "It's a huge monster eating out the dustbins! Look!"
"There's no time for that," shrieked Lucy. "We have to catch Gran!"
"Oh, right," said Nicholas, and they carried on running.
The monster looked after them and thought, "Well, that wasn't very interesting. If nobody's going to stop me from rampaging, I might as well go home."
Dammit, if all problems were solved by leaving them alone...
"Hey!" Nicholas yelled, stopping in his tracks. "It's a huge monster eating out the dustbins! Look!"
"There's no time for that," shrieked Lucy. "We have to catch Gran!"
"Oh, right," said Nicholas, and they carried on running.
The monster looked after them and thought, "Well, that wasn't very interesting. If nobody's going to stop me from rampaging, I might as well go home."
Dammit, if all problems were solved by leaving them alone...
9/13/2010 c3 moooogh
"Don't worry, Dad, if you die we promise we'll take care of the goldfish."
I loled
"Don't worry, Dad, if you die we promise we'll take care of the goldfish."
I loled
9/13/2010 c2 mooof
"They also knew she had an awful singing voice, because they sat next to her in church and had heard her croaking, "Al things brright and beautiful". (All right, it doesn't really go like that, but that's what it sounded like when their gran sang it. Yes, that's right. Like an asthmatic pelican expiring on the floor.)"
Highlight. I loved it.
"They also knew she had an awful singing voice, because they sat next to her in church and had heard her croaking, "Al things brright and beautiful". (All right, it doesn't really go like that, but that's what it sounded like when their gran sang it. Yes, that's right. Like an asthmatic pelican expiring on the floor.)"
Highlight. I loved it.