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for Put Your Raygun To My Head

11/8/2011 c3 14Renana
Hey! I love your writing so far because it's so raw. I really hope you update soon, I'd like to see more of Grey :)
9/15/2010 c2 Ryhona
I hope you update soon! There isn't nearly anything to be excited about in this chapter! I wonder what happened to lose interest in popularity. (Complete sarcasm there)
9/13/2010 c1 Ryhona
"And I was all like, get away from me slut!"

While there's nothing grammatically wrong with this statement, I think that it'd flow better if you put something along the lines of "And I was all, get away from me, slut!"

"Fuck. Will you just shut up."

There should be a question mark, or maybe an exclamation point, to make it sound a bit more scathing.

"Why the fire Enna, roll out of the wrong side of the bed?"

It should be, "Why the fire, Enna? Roll out of the wrong side of the bed?"

I've said too much, I can already see the table's minds ticking away, their thoughts drawing back to all the hearsay about us. Fucking Grey.

Instead of the comma after the first bit, there should be a semi-colon.

Eyes shift, he just can't resist playing the gentleman; although we both know he's not doing it for her.

Same thing here, just remove the semi-colon after gentleman and also although. It should sound a bit more like this:

Eyes shift; he just can't resist playing the gentleman. We both know he's not doing it for her.

Also, here: "Is that what you call spooning?.."

You don't need the two periods after the question mark.

It's a promising selection, I'll put it on my alert. Let's get this show on the road!
9/10/2010 c1 4HighOnBrokenWings
That fondness was quite obvious in this. It was interesting, intruiging, and I'd really like to read more. It really annoys me that this is going to be a short review (short, unhelpful reviews annoy me personally) but I'm dead on my feet and have to sleep.

I really like how this is going, very interesting (which I've already said) and the dialog was fantastic! Let's see that update!

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