9/11/2010 c1 18FALLEN101
Very well written story, at first I thought that Dakota was going to kill Elana just from reading the description and the first couple of paragraphs, so nice job throwing me off the scent like that. The story itself was well-written and descriptive, especially towards the end. And the character development was handled quite well and as their relationship changed, it was very believeable. Excellent work.

However there were a couple of small problems/suggestions I do have and I don't mean them in a harsh way at all, they are only suggestions to try and improve your story. Firstly one thing that kind of bothered me is the fact that the majority of the story is italicized, I understand why you did it but it is still kind of ... unsettling maybe, and it makes it harder to read. Just a suggestion. Also towards the beginning, last half is completely different, you do a lot more telling than actually showing, not that this is a particularly bad thing, just something I noticed. Now during the last half you are showing magnificently, its just the beginning could maybe use some work. Just something to keep in mind, we all have trouble with it.

Besides those two little nitpicks, the story was excellent and quite enjoyable. Keep up the good work. I will look into some of your previous works, if there are any. You should be proud of this.

Cheers,

Fallen