for My Very Own 'Geographical' Land4/6/2011 c1 
5xrisblack
hee hee hee. this is really funny and ur meter is very good! applause applause
5xrisblackhee hee hee. this is really funny and ur meter is very good! applause applause
1/19/2011 c1 little.artist
I strangely really like this. Even though its not the most understandable poem :) Good job ^^
I strangely really like this. Even though its not the most understandable poem :) Good job ^^
12/17/2010 c1 75thewhimsicalbard
Thanks for your review of "We are too much like old men". I am glad that you liked it, although in the future, it is common courtesy to give a concrete explanation as to why the poem was a good or a bad read for you, in addition to saying why it was good or bad in the first place.
For example, I had a hard time reading your poem here. I have two very solid concrete reasons for this. The first is easily fixable, and you probably don't even know that it is happening.
When you use the Document Manager to upload to FP, it reads single-line breaks as double breaks. While it works marvelously on - where nearly everything is a story - and for fiction authors, it gives poets here a devil of a time. What you have to do to avoid this double spacing effect (see the live preview for this story if you still don't understand what I mean) is upload a blank file to the Document Manager, and then type your poem in there. You will see at the bottom of the screen that typing shift + enter will give you a single line break. From there, it is easy to either type out the poem as you see fit or to copy and paste lines from another document.
This is an excellent habit to develop, as one of the side effects of the FP Document Manager system is that it eliminates your stanza breaks, which are often a key feature of the poem.
Now, the other thing that gave me some trouble in your poem is the rhyme scheme. Some of the rhymes you picked are so blatantly overused: cry/die, see/me, and stay/away are the ones that bugged me the most. Now, if you don't really consider yourself a serious poet, and you just wrote this for shits and giggles, then that's fine. However, if you take your writing seriously, you should understand that most modern poetry is more based on the writer's sense of rhythm than it is on strict rhyme and meter. Shakespeare was beyond genius, but he died a long time ago. If you want to see what some modern poets are doing, you should check out a guy named Patrick Rosal. He's a fantastic example of how contemporary poets do their thing.
Best of luck, and keep working hard at your writing!
-thewhimsicalbard
75thewhimsicalbardThanks for your review of "We are too much like old men". I am glad that you liked it, although in the future, it is common courtesy to give a concrete explanation as to why the poem was a good or a bad read for you, in addition to saying why it was good or bad in the first place.
For example, I had a hard time reading your poem here. I have two very solid concrete reasons for this. The first is easily fixable, and you probably don't even know that it is happening.
When you use the Document Manager to upload to FP, it reads single-line breaks as double breaks. While it works marvelously on - where nearly everything is a story - and for fiction authors, it gives poets here a devil of a time. What you have to do to avoid this double spacing effect (see the live preview for this story if you still don't understand what I mean) is upload a blank file to the Document Manager, and then type your poem in there. You will see at the bottom of the screen that typing shift + enter will give you a single line break. From there, it is easy to either type out the poem as you see fit or to copy and paste lines from another document.
This is an excellent habit to develop, as one of the side effects of the FP Document Manager system is that it eliminates your stanza breaks, which are often a key feature of the poem.
Now, the other thing that gave me some trouble in your poem is the rhyme scheme. Some of the rhymes you picked are so blatantly overused: cry/die, see/me, and stay/away are the ones that bugged me the most. Now, if you don't really consider yourself a serious poet, and you just wrote this for shits and giggles, then that's fine. However, if you take your writing seriously, you should understand that most modern poetry is more based on the writer's sense of rhythm than it is on strict rhyme and meter. Shakespeare was beyond genius, but he died a long time ago. If you want to see what some modern poets are doing, you should check out a guy named Patrick Rosal. He's a fantastic example of how contemporary poets do their thing.
Best of luck, and keep working hard at your writing!
-thewhimsicalbard
12/13/2010 c1 2RuhFuh
Read a similar poem about math in our textbook once, haha. Nice innocent feel to it. But perhaps you'd like to space out your stanzas? It makes it easier for the reader to really understand how you want it. Unless this is how you want it - then definitely no complains. =)
2RuhFuhRead a similar poem about math in our textbook once, haha. Nice innocent feel to it. But perhaps you'd like to space out your stanzas? It makes it easier for the reader to really understand how you want it. Unless this is how you want it - then definitely no complains. =)
12/13/2010 c1 6InkyPink
Haha, love it! And the ending's cute! So true...for me that was Maths class but geography a little as well :D
"Her voice fades away,
I do, I really do try to stay!" - Well, at least you *tried* right? That's all that matters :)
6InkyPinkHaha, love it! And the ending's cute! So true...for me that was Maths class but geography a little as well :D
"Her voice fades away,
I do, I really do try to stay!" - Well, at least you *tried* right? That's all that matters :)
12/10/2010 c1 20diwu6398
Thank you so very much for the review. Here is mine for you. You said that you would like some criticism, so I will give that to you, so sorry if it sounds a little harsh.
I thought it was cute, relatable, and funny. However, there were definitely things that I did not like. For one, I don't really like the spacing. There's a way to take out the double spaces, but I guess if that's your style, then so be it, and I would then take that back and say do what you want. I also thought that some of the exclamation points were unnecessary and distracting. Many of your commas should not be there, and they take away from the flow of the poem. I guess that, since this is a poem, that's not really true; there are no punctuation rules for poetry unless you want there to be. "Minds" should have an apostrophe. Towards the end, you sort of lost the flow. The lines were getting sort of long and it read strangely.
If this is a true story, then I am so jealous of you. I have the worst daydreams possible. -coughcough- They're usually the inspiration for my poems. Like, I wrote a bunch of stuff today during Latin, History, and English.
20diwu6398Thank you so very much for the review. Here is mine for you. You said that you would like some criticism, so I will give that to you, so sorry if it sounds a little harsh.
I thought it was cute, relatable, and funny. However, there were definitely things that I did not like. For one, I don't really like the spacing. There's a way to take out the double spaces, but I guess if that's your style, then so be it, and I would then take that back and say do what you want. I also thought that some of the exclamation points were unnecessary and distracting. Many of your commas should not be there, and they take away from the flow of the poem. I guess that, since this is a poem, that's not really true; there are no punctuation rules for poetry unless you want there to be. "Minds" should have an apostrophe. Towards the end, you sort of lost the flow. The lines were getting sort of long and it read strangely.
If this is a true story, then I am so jealous of you. I have the worst daydreams possible. -coughcough- They're usually the inspiration for my poems. Like, I wrote a bunch of stuff today during Latin, History, and English.
11/28/2010 c1 Indigo Masquerade
Oh golly gosh gee am I happy that I gave up Geography this year. Before that, the person in this poem was soo me :P
This is a really cute poem. I'm not a poet so I'm not going to be constructive. I just know I like it ^_^
Oh golly gosh gee am I happy that I gave up Geography this year. Before that, the person in this poem was soo me :P
This is a really cute poem. I'm not a poet so I'm not going to be constructive. I just know I like it ^_^
11/27/2010 c1 5thefaultinourpatronus
On the humorous side, I loved it! Tres amusing, great work =D
x mandy
5thefaultinourpatronusOn the humorous side, I loved it! Tres amusing, great work =D
x mandy