for You and Me, Minnie1/1/2013 c1 
2ohsocyanide
This could have been more thoroughly proofread, as is common with most foreign-written pieces on FictionPress. I have noticed that a lot of people write in English even if it isn't their native language. The grammar wasn't terrible, of course, but a proofread would have caught some of the grammar errors throughout this.
Their relationship seems borderline unhealthy. I can sense that she's worried about him, yes, and they're happy together, but it somehow seems very codependent. This is common in most teenaged relationships today, though, so it comes off as accurate. I was also a little concerned that Minnie hit him when she knew how fragile he was. Their relationship, yet again, came off as unhealthy here.
The relationship has the potential to be cute and sweet, but you need to add the meat to make it that way. As is, I wouldn't want to invest much in what they have because I disagree so strongly with the fact that she hit him while still knowing that he is weak.
Not flaming in any way, I was just being brutally honest as you requested.
ohsocyanide.
2ohsocyanideThis could have been more thoroughly proofread, as is common with most foreign-written pieces on FictionPress. I have noticed that a lot of people write in English even if it isn't their native language. The grammar wasn't terrible, of course, but a proofread would have caught some of the grammar errors throughout this.
Their relationship seems borderline unhealthy. I can sense that she's worried about him, yes, and they're happy together, but it somehow seems very codependent. This is common in most teenaged relationships today, though, so it comes off as accurate. I was also a little concerned that Minnie hit him when she knew how fragile he was. Their relationship, yet again, came off as unhealthy here.
The relationship has the potential to be cute and sweet, but you need to add the meat to make it that way. As is, I wouldn't want to invest much in what they have because I disagree so strongly with the fact that she hit him while still knowing that he is weak.
Not flaming in any way, I was just being brutally honest as you requested.
ohsocyanide.
5/17/2011 c1 PJ Draft
I came to check this out after I noticed you added one of my stories to alert. :) I was pleasantly surprised to find this nice little one-shot here so I thought I might as well read and leave a comment. I know you published this a long while ago, but I thought you deserved a comment. :D Here it goes:
While I usually avoid most fiction on this site involving vampires, I did enjoy this little one-shot! I love anything that has to do with shapeshifters, because they are simply put: Awesome. Writing wise, you have a nice style that is easy to read and it is free from the "fat" that most authors on this site leave on their stories. This story on the other hand was a good mix of dialogue, description, and generally uniqueness.
Now for that author's note... dryad story? I did a double take when I saw this. :D I know you have said posting on this site is nerve wreaking, but by all means post that story if you decide you still want to write it. I will definitely read it if you do decide to post something involving mythology, because I love it. (And especially dryads because they are so mysterious. I know you did mention that Minnie and Adrian will be side characters which is fine.) Based on your art page (which is lovely by the way) I noticed you were planning on taking the dryad story into the present day realm, which was unexpected. Unexpected is good.
Anyways, there's my rambles. Hope you decide to post some more stuff on the site. Don't be too shy, people are pretty kind here, and writing on this site should be fun. :D -PJ
I came to check this out after I noticed you added one of my stories to alert. :) I was pleasantly surprised to find this nice little one-shot here so I thought I might as well read and leave a comment. I know you published this a long while ago, but I thought you deserved a comment. :D Here it goes:
While I usually avoid most fiction on this site involving vampires, I did enjoy this little one-shot! I love anything that has to do with shapeshifters, because they are simply put: Awesome. Writing wise, you have a nice style that is easy to read and it is free from the "fat" that most authors on this site leave on their stories. This story on the other hand was a good mix of dialogue, description, and generally uniqueness.
Now for that author's note... dryad story? I did a double take when I saw this. :D I know you have said posting on this site is nerve wreaking, but by all means post that story if you decide you still want to write it. I will definitely read it if you do decide to post something involving mythology, because I love it. (And especially dryads because they are so mysterious. I know you did mention that Minnie and Adrian will be side characters which is fine.) Based on your art page (which is lovely by the way) I noticed you were planning on taking the dryad story into the present day realm, which was unexpected. Unexpected is good.
Anyways, there's my rambles. Hope you decide to post some more stuff on the site. Don't be too shy, people are pretty kind here, and writing on this site should be fun. :D -PJ
2/2/2011 c1 4slashedkaze
This isn't actually what I usually read, but I kind of stumbled across this and thought stories always look so lonely with no reviews, so I read it.
I like the way you write. Theres two or three grammar errors in there that stuck out to me as I read, but nothing too bad, nothing a beta couldn't catch.
Your couple is cute. I think it shows that you have put a lot of thought into this. Also, I quite like the sick vampire xD
Maybe this is just me, but I didn't like this line: Now we're somewhere between good and blissful.
I don't like to be told these things. If an author has to outright tell me the state of relationship between two characters, usually that means weak writing. Your writing isn't weak. I think you don't need that line. You make their relationship tangible enough with the rest of your writing. Put a little trust in your reader ;o
4slashedkazeThis isn't actually what I usually read, but I kind of stumbled across this and thought stories always look so lonely with no reviews, so I read it.
I like the way you write. Theres two or three grammar errors in there that stuck out to me as I read, but nothing too bad, nothing a beta couldn't catch.
Your couple is cute. I think it shows that you have put a lot of thought into this. Also, I quite like the sick vampire xD
Maybe this is just me, but I didn't like this line: Now we're somewhere between good and blissful.
I don't like to be told these things. If an author has to outright tell me the state of relationship between two characters, usually that means weak writing. Your writing isn't weak. I think you don't need that line. You make their relationship tangible enough with the rest of your writing. Put a little trust in your reader ;o