for After the Storm12/29/2011 c1 CrystalGW34
Wow you have a way with words. I was engrossed from start to finish. There's only one problem. I want more and right now there isn't more for me to read. So please update again soon. I can't wait to find out what happens next. I'm going to set this on Story Alert so I won't miss anything. Great chapter ! :)
Wow you have a way with words. I was engrossed from start to finish. There's only one problem. I want more and right now there isn't more for me to read. So please update again soon. I can't wait to find out what happens next. I'm going to set this on Story Alert so I won't miss anything. Great chapter ! :)
1/24/2011 c2 
1cpjones
The first chapter is pretty good. The prologue on the other hand I think was too short. I can understand wanting to keep it though, since you say its one of the first things you wrote. I bet if you were to do that same prologue again though, it would be just as good as the rest of the story. You have a lot of intense stuff happening in just the prologue, so it should be pretty easy for you to flesh out the details if you just think about how you would feel if you were in an exploding school, or outside wondering about a loved one.
The first chapter you did much better though, AJ is clearly pretty devastated about being paralyzed and Xavier seems to be a strong guy: keeping himself in check for her sake, trying to stay calm and project an air of stability. But at the same time, he really doesn't mince words, which I think is pretty cool of him. AJ asked what happened, and he was straight to the point and tells her that "Two bombs exploded and blew the school to bits." I'm really curious though who planted the bombs, as well as what kind of shape Todd is in. Good luck with continuing this story, I'll check back from time to time to see if you update
1cpjonesThe first chapter is pretty good. The prologue on the other hand I think was too short. I can understand wanting to keep it though, since you say its one of the first things you wrote. I bet if you were to do that same prologue again though, it would be just as good as the rest of the story. You have a lot of intense stuff happening in just the prologue, so it should be pretty easy for you to flesh out the details if you just think about how you would feel if you were in an exploding school, or outside wondering about a loved one.
The first chapter you did much better though, AJ is clearly pretty devastated about being paralyzed and Xavier seems to be a strong guy: keeping himself in check for her sake, trying to stay calm and project an air of stability. But at the same time, he really doesn't mince words, which I think is pretty cool of him. AJ asked what happened, and he was straight to the point and tells her that "Two bombs exploded and blew the school to bits." I'm really curious though who planted the bombs, as well as what kind of shape Todd is in. Good luck with continuing this story, I'll check back from time to time to see if you update
12/28/2010 c2 2LDS Dreamer
This is a really good story! I like how it's going. Now, out of curiosity and I don't really care if you don't answer this, but is the mystery who did the bombs? Anyway, I like it!
2LDS DreamerThis is a really good story! I like how it's going. Now, out of curiosity and I don't really care if you don't answer this, but is the mystery who did the bombs? Anyway, I like it!
11/28/2010 c2 CrystalGW34
The first chapter was much better then the prologue in that I felt more emotion and you took the time to give more detail. Keep writing and I'll keep reading. :)
The first chapter was much better then the prologue in that I felt more emotion and you took the time to give more detail. Keep writing and I'll keep reading. :)
11/25/2010 c2 2K.R.D
Better. A few things stuck out at me.
1) 'Ginormous' is not a word. It's a combination of two words. Enormous and gigantic.
2) When the bombs go off and they get stuck under the rubble and you said that they 'gossiped' for a while that was...well, not good. That doesn't feel realistic for the situation they are in. They should be talking about their families, and crying.
3) Why was Xavier the one telling her all the things a Doctor should have told her? Plus, then the doctor just came into the room and said "Are you ready to go?" without bothering to explain anything to her himself. He didn't know that Xavier had explained it already.
I like the characters you are establishing and you do have a good grasp of writing. Just try to think in terms of realism as you're writing this.
2K.R.DBetter. A few things stuck out at me.
1) 'Ginormous' is not a word. It's a combination of two words. Enormous and gigantic.
2) When the bombs go off and they get stuck under the rubble and you said that they 'gossiped' for a while that was...well, not good. That doesn't feel realistic for the situation they are in. They should be talking about their families, and crying.
3) Why was Xavier the one telling her all the things a Doctor should have told her? Plus, then the doctor just came into the room and said "Are you ready to go?" without bothering to explain anything to her himself. He didn't know that Xavier had explained it already.
I like the characters you are establishing and you do have a good grasp of writing. Just try to think in terms of realism as you're writing this.
11/25/2010 c1 K.R.D
This first chapter could have been really heart wrenching. I didn't feel any sense of emotion at all, however. The mother should have been in hysterics. You could really take advantage of describing the absolute destruction of the school and the panicked constricted feeling in the mother's chest. There was a lot to work with emotionally here. I'm curious to see where this story goes.
This first chapter could have been really heart wrenching. I didn't feel any sense of emotion at all, however. The mother should have been in hysterics. You could really take advantage of describing the absolute destruction of the school and the panicked constricted feeling in the mother's chest. There was a lot to work with emotionally here. I'm curious to see where this story goes.
11/24/2010 c2 3NVR
Wow! Want a difference from the prologue! Much better. I'm glad that I read this chapter! Great writing, and you wanted to read on to see if you got more information. Please continue the story, and update soon!
3NVRWow! Want a difference from the prologue! Much better. I'm glad that I read this chapter! Great writing, and you wanted to read on to see if you got more information. Please continue the story, and update soon!
11/24/2010 c1 NVR
Okay. A think the chapter was to short. I didn't give any detail and the story of the bomb that was planted happened to suddenly, but I'm interested where it will head.
Okay. A think the chapter was to short. I didn't give any detail and the story of the bomb that was planted happened to suddenly, but I'm interested where it will head.
11/20/2010 c1 melanie27
Not bad for a first chapter/prologue. I like the idea.
One edit: the word 'two' is spelled wrong in the 2nd paragraph.
If you plan on continuing this story, the characters need to be developed more. Seven paragraphs don't give me that much info yet, so be sure to expand on what everyone thinks and describe the scenery.
Not bad for a first chapter/prologue. I like the idea.
One edit: the word 'two' is spelled wrong in the 2nd paragraph.
If you plan on continuing this story, the characters need to be developed more. Seven paragraphs don't give me that much info yet, so be sure to expand on what everyone thinks and describe the scenery.
11/5/2010 c1 6Akadrama
Okay, I know. But I always read and review for people who have read and reviewed for me. I like the idea of this it flows kinda weird and is very reminiscent of other stories I've read on this site so be prepared to get flagged for plagiarism, nevertheless it's too early to tell so maybe not. Um word to the wise you should probably define your characters a bit more, for instance giving them emotions and facial expressions and such. But enough of that I will continue to review this story until the end even putting it on alerts and I am looking forward to see how it progresses.
6AkadramaOkay, I know. But I always read and review for people who have read and reviewed for me. I like the idea of this it flows kinda weird and is very reminiscent of other stories I've read on this site so be prepared to get flagged for plagiarism, nevertheless it's too early to tell so maybe not. Um word to the wise you should probably define your characters a bit more, for instance giving them emotions and facial expressions and such. But enough of that I will continue to review this story until the end even putting it on alerts and I am looking forward to see how it progresses.
10/23/2010 c1 6writergirl93
It is a very good start, though maybe you could try to write longer chapters. Short chapters tend to have not enough detail.
6writergirl93It is a very good start, though maybe you could try to write longer chapters. Short chapters tend to have not enough detail.