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3/29/2011 c1 276Darkest Fantasy
This was really great. The imagery and metaphors you used gave the story a real depth. Even the fact that you started the story with coffee was great in the way it showed that it was just a normal day with with people going about their normal routines and promises until tragedy struck.

"Then hours later and dark had fallen." - I feel that this transition could have been worded better, but it still got the point across.

Also, at one point you say 'appears' instead of what I believe you meant to be 'appearance'.

Those are just me being picky now though. Great job(:
10/29/2010 c1 A.J Scarlet
Wow. you did very well with the narration of the scenes and the descriptions were very nicely written. good job.

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