10/18/2012 c7 9Highway Unicorn
Hello once again! :D

[And Grace was beginning to irritate him well.] She's irritating me as well! Eidan has to tell her what's what, and that she can't be talking smack about his woman!

[but since you two are ideally the same person] Is...is Eidan going to have like spilt personalities or something? I think that would be a good twist.

[ Crimson eyes opened] Okay... Caelum/Eidan has to be some form of supernatural being, but you said it's not vamp or wolf... Hmmm...because of the red eyes, i think of something bad like demons, but I doubt that's it...Yeah, I have no idea XDDD

Caelum means Heavenly, which is what my name means too! :D But mine is more girly; Celeste, which I believe was created/based from Caelum or a simliar spelling/form of that name. :D

10/18/2012 c6 9Highway Unicorn
Hello again! :D

[All was silent in the city of Alexandria] I'm sorry, but since i've haven't read this in a long time, my memory is fuzzy around a few things. Was it ever stated that the setting of your world is fantasy or based off of real places? If so, then is this Alexandria the same Alexandria in Africa?

[In his mind, Eidan was debating whether or not he should leave.] No Eidan, stay! STTTTTTTAAAAAYYYY :'D

[I mean, there was slimy green mould on the floor, the walls, the ceiling – everywhere! And it stank too!] X( Ewww...this reminds me of the porta-pottys at the beaches. X(

[It was wild, and long, and well, gold. Her hair trailed down to her waist in untamed waves of bright gold, like the drunken rays of the sun, or a drizzling waterfall of honey.] I really liked your imagery in this sentence; it was beautiful, really, and it just made the sentence more powerful. :D

AW HELL NAW! What's that Grace going on about?! Why she be hating on Jenna? D: She seems dark, evil even. And she has this vibe that says she wants to rip Jenna to sherds. D: I don't like her. Nope. I'm stubborn and i have made my choice. GRACE IS BAD. Yup. XD

I didn't think Eidan was a vampire, but something is sure strange about why he doesn't like sunlight. :I

But great chapter! :D

10/18/2012 c48 10Vivace.Assai
Can't believe we're almost nearing the end... This story is going to be 60 chapters right? *slightly sniffles at the thought*

But let's just continue with the review...

Eidan with parted hair? I feel the urge to laugh but the depressing mood of this story makes it difficult for me to feel any enjoyment from the mental picture I’m getting. So instead, I’m kind of half-frowning and chuckling as I think about this. But anyways, why do I bring this up? I just wanted to say that it’s obvious but nevertheless interesting that Eidan doesn’t feel comfortable. It’s a definitely surprising change; Eidan is going from a mere commoner to a prince now and that’s just difficult to get used to. Being pampered, being feared, feeling out of place—I immediately understand Eidan’s frustrations because he is evidently used to something simpler and happier. I like how you really show his discomfort by having him think of Alexandria and his past life with Jenna; it is a great way of showing how much he misses her and the world of light. The fact he keeps coming to forest—the most familiar thing to him in this world—shows that his life as a commoner is more pleasant to him, relaxes him more.

["What would be your purpose in life then?"
"Just because I can care for something doesn't mean I'll end up having a purpose in life."
Her voice was sour and when he stared at her from the corner of his eyes, he saw her scowling.
“Everyone needs a purpose in life,” Eidan said.]
- Purpose. PURPOSE. I just had to do a presentation on purpose and existence. In a way, Eidan is right in saying everyone needs a purpose because purpose helps define who you are and your existence. If you don’t have a purpose, then you have no awareness about who you are or what you’re supposed to do; thus, you can’t exist. Grace believes she doesn’t have any purpose, and applying the existence philosophy, this means that Grace doesn’t exist. This seems like a lucrative suggestion because Grace has a presence. But existence is defined in a lot more ways: physical presence, will power, awareness, and UNIQUENESS. Grace, however, is starting to lose her awareness and willpower to live, and she has never been unique. She is Jenna’s clone. Everybody has existential questions: who am I? what is my purpose? shat if everything I believed in is a lie? Grace is dealing with the same questions, and thus, she is easily understandable. And now that I’ve realized this about her, I pity her so much more and she’s becoming one of my favorite characters in this story.

AM I THINKING TOO MUCH ABOUT THIS? PROBABLY. I AM SO SORRY THAT YOU HAD TO READ THAT. I ACTUALLY TRIED TO CUT IT DOWN BUT THIS IS GETTING ME REALLY EXCITED FOR SOME REASON.

But continuing on, I really do hope Grace can find some happiness in life. Just seeing her so broken like this is so surprising, and I love how you also have her changed like Eidan. It just goes to show that even though Eidan seemed to be the one who liked humans the most, Grace was also profoundly affected by her time in the human world. She, too, has started to find humans more of a home than Balandria. I think this is great character development for her, allowing her to be changed by her experiences. I hope nothing too bad happens to her, but knowing you, she’ll probably die or get scarred for life.

["A point in which light and darkness blend together? Is that even possible?"
Grace nodded. "Yes, Mother called it Penumbrae.]
- Wait… Did you just connect your title in the story in a surprising way that I would never have thought? I assumed Penumbrae referred to Jenna’s and Eidan’s relationship and how they were light and dark, yet close friends and romantic partners (until recent chapters). But this mention of forest being the place between light and dark. NOW THAT IS INTERESTING. I’m seriously curious if you’re going to do anything else with this forest; maybe it’ll be the most important point where major events in the plot happens. I don’t really know, but this is intriguing. Especially since it appears this is the only piece of land remaining from the first world. I really have a feeling this is involved with the curse in some way… But your plot is really starting to get intriguing and everything seems to be tying together, though I’m not sure how.

Okay, so Eidan has realized the truth about what he has done and that is worrying. Because the amazing parallels between Eidan and Jenna and Caleum and Celeste… I’m starting to worry that maybe the exact same thing might happen and that the gods will intervene. If they do, I’m not looking forward to it. D:

[Jenna was selfish. And she didn't care anymore.]
- Oh boy… This seems like a dangerous turn of events. Jenna is definitely getting hysterical and having a change in character. I’m shocked but then again not so shocked that she’s angry at Eidan. I think she should be reasonable and understand why Eidan left. She herself admits it could be because she didn’t talk to him, because she avoided him and gave an impression she didn’t like him being around. But then again, Jenna has always been selfish and childish. To be frank, even someone more grounded and calm would have a hard time dealing with her situation, so kudos for all that she’s done. But at the end of it, she is still a young woman… and she is undergoing psychological stress from whatever Eidan has done to her and now hurt that he has left. She’s bound to freak out. Still, I really wished Jenna could have been stronger… It would have made her a lot happier.

Talking about what Eidan has done to her, so far, she’s getting sick in the stomach and vomiting. I have some theories but I just can’t believe them…

[Strand by strand, golden strands fell down; a sullen rain of yellow] Nice imagery here. I just like how yellow is always seen to be happy but “sullen” and “rain” have negative connotations. Thus, the paradox is rather unsettling and emphasizes the action a lot.

I don’t know about her decision in the end… I mean, walking away seems like a show of strength, but Jenna didn’t simply put things aside and look positively. She threw a fit first and cut her hair. So it’s very evident that there’s still something tugging at her, holding her back, and this thing will most likely cause her some stress and insanity, more than we’ve ever seen before. Because though I feel some strength from Jenna, it’s a very tentative strength that can easily break if anything cracks it…

This is definitely a worrying turn of events. But great chapter. I’m starting to wonder if the person in the italics are actually the gods because now that person is telling the characters to embrace death. The gods definitely don’t want Jenna and Eidan to cause mass destruction like Caelum and Celeste so it’s probably better that these two die and give their problems to someone else.

Definitely curious to see what will happen next!

Signing off…

10/18/2012 c48 v-n-ll-y
Right, so I read this before but I'm just coming to review it now so I can hopefully do it slowly... I tend to miss things when I rush reviews... Also my mum kicked me off the fast computer so I'm stuck on this sluggish laptop with a slightly dysfunctional keyboard.

So first things first. Eidan is back in Balandria. Quite honestly I'm not surprised he doesn't like the prince life since he lived as a commoner back in Jenna's kingdom. It's quite amusing trying to imagine him with fancy princely robes and a neat hairdo though. How dare they. A man's hair is his pride. Also applies to women, I think. But anyway, that just really goes to show how much he doesn't seem to be suited for palace life as a prince of his kingdom. It's nothing huge or drastic, just clothes and hairstyle, but even the small things like that are really good indicators of how out of place he feels.

It's good to see some interaction between Eidan and Grace this chapter, because it feels like it's been a while since they've spoken this much together. Although sure yeah it's mostly Grace doing the talking because Eidan doesn't want to talk much. It's still sad how Grace is pretty set she's going to have to die; the fact that she's not even considering what her purpose in life could be tells us how aware she is of her position in the scheme of things.

I am actually glad Grace is one of the few people who are acknowledging Lucan hasn't turned into a psycho of his own accord. Given his childhood, plus losing Lacie and his mother when Jenna and friends came to town, he would've lost it anyway. I hope he turns back to normal though.

I also really liked the explanation of the kingdoms and everything, although the First and Second World stuff did confuse me a bit (but that would just be me). Come to think of it I knew there had to be a reason they had to go through a portal to go to Balandria. They're not on the same plane of existence. Duh. Genius me.

I also like how we finally have an explanation of 'penumbrae'; I vaguely know the scientific definition (something about shadows and eclipses or something like that), so it was interesting to see what it meant in the context of your story. In a way, it's a very romantic; not in the sense of love and romance, but romanticism... (This is going to make very little sense if you've never studied Romanticism...)

Oh, also it's interesting that you brought up Eidan's dreams of Grace from like a year or so ago. Since he'd almost forgotten about it, we can get a sense of how long these things have been going on for. Also interesting to note that Ethel tampered with his memories...

"I fell in love with Jenna. I'm a Shadow. She's a human. I'm from the Dark Kingdom. She's from the Light. Isn't that just the same as Celeste and Caelum's sin?"
-orz Eidan if you'd paid attention to Caelum you would've realised this already xD;;

Okay now for the second part; I'll honestly have to say I liked the first part much better, for a few reasons.

While I can understand Jenna's confusion and inner turmoil and the outbreak into rage, I'll also have to be a little harsh and say it's very typical of a female lead in a romance. Male lead goes away for whatever reason; in this case, Eidan's left for Balandria. There's also dramatic irony coming into play here since readers know why he's gone and all, but the other characters don't. For some reason it's also very common for a male lead to suddenly disappear because he thinks it'll be for the female lead's benefit but then he doesn't actually say anything about going and then he leaves everyone all confused and yeah.

But back to Jenna. She seems to feel so pathetic and useless because Eidan's not there and then she throws a bit of a tantrum and breaks the mementos and so on. It's behaviour that suits Jenna given her circumstances, but at the same time, I'm a bit iffy with it... it's just a bit on the cliché side, which so far is something you've managed to avoid with this story. I suppose since this is the only instance so far though, I can let it slide.

Seriously this is so depressing. Although in a way it's kind of silly because she probably wouldn't be doing these things if she actually knew why Eidan left... I mean yes she would obviously be distressed if he just abruptly left after doing whatever it was that he did to her without saying anything, but it's a bit unfortunate that just as she's trying to think of a reason he would leave, she recalls that incident instead.

Although there's always that possibility that she would've refused to let him go if he came to her and nicely asked for permission if he could go. Usually in relationships like this, there's some kind of communication problem. Having said that, it's interesting that Jenna herself notes that she doesn't feel like Jenna anymore. Hard to say if she thinks she's moving on or if she misses how she used to be. I think it's also about time she realised just how much she has been depending on Eidan all this time, to be so lifeless (except for the rage fit) when he's not there.

As for the cutting of her hair... Well firstly, that would explain the short hair XD On a more serious note though, I'm afraid it's not as meaningful as she might want it to be (although she is Jenna, and caught up in the moment at that). I mean she's getting rid of it because Eidan liked it and she's trying to move away from being the Jenna whom he liked, but... does she really think Eidan will love her less because she cut her hair? Of course, it might be because she doesn't think he'll come back... But still... she has a point about a haircut not changing much. It won't change her instantly, neither will it change Eidan's feelings for her.

As for the italics, they just gave me a new thought. Death is obviously the easier option, and while no one really likes the thought of dying, it's the less complicated way to solve the problem. Die and then the curse becomes someone else's problem 8D Although that's kind of a selfish way of thinking about it isn't it... So yeah obviously someone's still going to die because I doubt you will write a story with everyone living happily ever after on the same plane of existence.

Now some stuff about the flow of the writing in general because to me it felt subpar compared to your other chapters. I don't know what it is exactly but for some reason some of the sentences in narration just feel a bit stiff. I'll also just point out any glaring issues since most of the time I don't notice otherwise.

[She was a persistent girl; little dared to go against her word.]
-I assume we're talking about people not daring to go against her word, in the which case 'few' is more correct than 'little'.

There are also a lot of cases where you use the word 'that' unnecessarily; it's not a problem per se, but it can be jarring to the flow if used too often.

1: [But he wasn't sure if that was a good thing.]
2: [he knew that this place would never count as something close to a home.]
-Number one is fine; it makes sense, it's needed in that sentence. In number two, 'that' can be omitted and it would help the flow (I think it's called a relative clause). You can just read through it again anyway, if you think you need to fix it. There are quite a few instances so I can't point them all out anyway.

[If there was an emotion that she felt, it was irritation.]
-As for this one, I would say rewording it would help make it feel like a less stiff sentence, eg. 'If she [felt / could feel / could have felt] an (or one) emotion, it [was / would be / would have been] irritation'.

[to dress like the prince he had been born as.]
-I'm not sure exactly how to fix this without making it sound stiff, but apparently it's technically incorrect to end a sentence this way (I can't think if it's preposition or whatever at the moment).

Yeah this review is way too long and maybe it's better when I rush my reviews coz I just write way too much when I review slowly... I'm more nitpicky if I review slowly too.

Anyway good chapter. So I assume the time skip is soon if not next chapter then?

10/17/2012 c48 1Writing In Ink Forever
Great chapter!

Poor, emo Jenna. If only she knew that Eidan left for her protection... Of course, guys are stupid and don't understand that leaving makes it all the more worse.

-coco

10/17/2012 c47 DutchAver
This chapter was really angsty and sad, and I hate how Eidan and Jenna are now separated. While the ending was slightly predictable, it's okay because it's still very well-written. It's sweet how Eidan says that he cares more about Jenna than about two kingdoms, and how everything depends on him finding her - but it's sad how Jenna is so scared of Eidan that she's doesn't want to talk to him anymore. Depressing indeed. But then again, those two were very very happy in previous chapters - and it was bound to end sometime. However, the fact that I saw it coming doesn't make it any more pleasant to read ._.
Ethel seems to have some kind of master plan ready, she seems to be the big force behind it all. I wonder what else she'll have for Eidan and Jenna. I still don't trust her because of what Morgan said. She is the enemy, and I wonder if she'll manipulate her brother in some way when he's in Balandria. Maybe she'll use the curse for her own purposes?
Great chapter! One mistake:

'to ask her anymore questions' These are two words, any more

See you next time!

10/12/2012 c47 10Vivace.Assai
Back to review this story! Yay!

Wait... so we don't even get to know what happened? You're just going to leave that an agonizing secret that will twist our hearts and eat our brains for days on end until you update the chapter that gives us the truth? All we're giving after such a horrifying cliffhanger is Eidan waking up? What?! What?! *mind almost explodes at the shock of the twist you've pulled on us*

But to be frank, as an objective (non-emotional, fangirlish) story analyst (in simple terms, reviewer), I must admit that it was a good direction to take the story. It definitely leaves more tension between the characters (and agony for this reader). I mean, what happened? Eidan is confused. Everybody is avoiding the question. I don't know how Jenna feels yet (I'm reviewing as I read right now), but she's probably trying to avoid Eidan or something. Last chapter made it clear that Eidan did something really bad to her, but nobody knows because Eidan is the narrator and he just had to forget everything. I'm so confused and worried like Eidan except I'm tearing up right now and will probably cry as I imagine all the horrible things Eidan could do to Jenna... and I'm not even as sadistic as you are as a writer.

But anyways, we have mystery and we have confusion and we have changing relationships between characters. So this seems like a good set-up for the coming events (whatever they are... I don't know but knowing you, I assume it'll be good). But maybe I should continue reading before I keep rambling on with this review...

*takes several minutes to finish reading the chapter*

[He couldn't blame the darkness entirely. It was his own selfishness that made him stay in this world. Not the darkness.] *breaks into sniffles* Eidan, oh Eidan... poor Eidan. This moment was so sad. I think it was a great moment for him as a character. He's been going through this story blaming the curse and blaming the darkness - events and pasts he couldn't control - for everything that has happened. Though he felt guilty, it was clear he never truly blamed himself. But here, he admits that his selfishness destroyed everything. I think this is something that is really hard to admit, but it marks Eidan's change as a character. His decision to return to Balandria also shows how he is willing to confront things he detest; he's growing and becoming a stronger character. I feel so bad for him though... I feel so bad for all the characters...

Still I worry what will happen when he remembers what he did... I have a feeling his reaction won't be good and this will propel his character to change again (for better or worse). But then again, I'm getting really bad at predicting what will happen next so I might be wrong.

Talking about what he did... Let's backtrack a few paragraphs.

WHAT DID EIDAN DO TO JENNA? Jenna's vomiting and Mana thinks it might be related to what Eidan did, though Jenna is completely against the idea. Did he do something so horrible to her that now she's completely stressed, disgusted, and ill? Or did what he do to her caused her new illness? I have a feeling the scope is completely horrid because well... the fact she's vomiting gives us a clue. And now she is scared of Eidan, too, and wants to avoid him. I'm curious to hear Jenna's narration about her thoughts; it would be interesting to really understand her feelings. I like this shift in character relationships, since it makes things so much more complex. Throughout this story, Jenna has been supporting Eidan and been relying on Eidan; but now she can't even trust him. It's also ironic that she always tells him he isn't a monster and now he's made her be frightened of him... This change is so depressing... JennaxEidan is so perfect but n-no-now... *starts sniffling again*

So great chapter. Sorry if my reviews have been lackluster. I don't review for several weeks and I think I just lose my knack for it. Or it could be because I'm sleep-deprived. But anyways, I feel so conflicted whenever I read this story. Half of me is smiling in glee because I'm looking forward to the awesome conclusion you have in store for this story. The other half of me is sobbing hysterically because death makes me sad. So I'll probably be laughing and crying for the rest of these chapters...

Can't wait for the next update! And I shall check out Altering tomorrow or Sunday!

Signing off...

10/12/2012 c4 1Loraine Wentworth
I like the mystery you continue to hint at with Eidan's past here. I'll be interested to see where that goes. He is clearly part of something pretty complex- this moves the plot along very nicely.

With the mention of Jenna's meeting with the prince you introduce some extra dramatic tension, too. The prince himself seems likely to become an important character, too, and it was interesting to hear what Eidan thought of him.

The description works well in this chapter too. I liked the description of the prince- it made it quite easy for me to picture him. The description of the sunlight was evocative, too.