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10/10/2012 c46 10Vivace.Assai
I don't know how detailed this review will be. In my attempts to balance school and catching up on alerts, I had to read this on my phone several hours earlier at school... So, my memory might be hazy and I don't have the drive of complete and utter shock propelling me forward (with all the writing in all caps and quoted excerpts).

Okay, I'm putting my guess that the character in the italicized sections is either Eidan or Jenna. This guess is not final and will probably change, but that's what I'm going with for now...

So reading this chapter, I got a large sense of deja vu. No surprise of course because you make it clear that the events in this chapter has occurred before. In fact, for me, this same event occurred only 6-8 months ago in the prologue. Yet, I found myself not bored or disinterested in what was happening because you added new dimensions to the events of the prologue. By having Eidan narrate, there is a chance for readers to gain new insight into what is happening. It just goes to show that perception makes things seem a lot different. While Jenna's narration suggested something really different, Eidan's narration shows his anger and foreshadows that something much worse is about to come... I love how you used point of view to make this scene intense and engrossing - quite a great employment of a literary convention (see what school has done to me? Before you know it, I'll stop talking about your plot and instead focus on why the way you write is meaningful).

Furthermore, you built up Eidan's fall into darkness very nicely. I love how you described it as something scratching down to his bones. Very gruesome and horrendous to imagine but perfect with the whole tone of this story. I mean, the imagery created from the metaphor just really stood out for me; the fact you employed the metaphor for the duration of the chapter made it stronger. So with this metaphor, you've managed to show how powerful and terrible Eidan's darkness is. And as the end of the chapter shows, it's something worry of making little children shiver under their beds at night. I find Eidan's decision to be quite ironic though. He decides to give into the darkness because he wants to save Jenna from death; however, he only horrifies Jenna more and is about to kill her (until somebody probably comes in and saves her). So in the end, Eidan wasn't really able to protect Jenna. Horribly ironic? Yes. Very. Makes for a good plot? Well, everything tragic you do makes for a marvelous plot.

I think you handled the descriptions marvelously in this chapter. You've managed to give readers a good image of how bloody everything is without being too gross. You had a great control of detail: you gave us enough detail to leave on us an impression without making us sick to the stomach. So kudos there.

As for plot... I'm shocked. I know you said one character has an epic character change. But I was not expecting Eidan. He always seemed in control of everything. Apparently not. Apparently he has been holding back a secret evil that has now made him a monster. Now I don't know what to expect from this story. I thought I was getting a good idea of where you were going to lead with everything, but you keep make so many ingenious plot twists... So now I'm confused all over again. :P

I'm not sure how this is going to change Eidan's and Jenna's relationship though... There's going to be same major trust issues after this. Poor Jenna. She definitely was not ready for this, for all of this. And now we have to crazy people under the darkness's influence: Lucan and Eidan. Great... Yep, I'm not expecting a happy ending with rainbows and bunnies now (not that I ever was with the way you're taking this story and due to your admittance that you like bittersweet endings).

Will read next chapter and new story soon. Maybe on Friday when I have my free period and am free of IB Math and Bio test?

Signing off...

P.S.: Sorry it took so long to get to this. D: Blame college applications... and school...
10/10/2012 c47 findings
I wonder why Jenna's vomiting? Did Eidan get her pregnant or is she just way sick?
10/10/2012 c39 1illusionae
What started out as such a cute chapter ended in the most evil cliffhanger of all time. That was such a graphic and painful chapter to read. I was literally staring at the screen in shock because I never expected you to do something so horrible to poor Eidan and Jenna... I hope they're okay. They cannot be dead, they're the main characters... Well I hope they're not dead...
10/10/2012 c38 illusionae
Jenna and Eidan are so cute together! I'm so happy that they kind of told each other their feelings in this chapter. For some odd reason I really like Morgan as well. He's such an unfeeling and cold character that you make me wonder how or why he ended up that way. Same with Gwen too! I'm hoping to catch up to this story soon so I've been trying to read about two or three chapters a day in case you haven't noticed yet. :D
10/9/2012 c37 illusionae
This chapter just about tore me apart. I was actually in tears when Jenna was apologising to her parents in the ball room! It's so nice to see how much she's grown as a character and how much she's learnt in this journey. The way you've developed her character is astounding because it's like she's a different person from the spoilt princess we met in chapter 1. But you've done it slowly so that it's realistic and almost unnoticeable until this chapter where you do realise that she's grown up so much. Even so, Jenna is still quite childish and chirpy at heart so she's still the princess we know and love!
10/9/2012 c36 illusionae
this chapter was very interesting! I like how you introduced Gwen and Morgan, I thought the impact they made on their first appearance was very good and I'm looking forward to reading more about them! As usual Jenna and Eidan are so sweet with each other. Aaw. I just love their romance/friendship so much.
10/8/2012 c47 v-n-ll-y
Yeah so like if I fail my oral exam tomorrow, I'll blame you for updating today. Sounds good right? 8D jkjk

Oh gosh Eidan what did you do. I'm pretty sure more happened than what Mana and Zeph let on, but they're not saying everything because it would make things uncomfortable. Certainly seems like it. Jenna's actions and speech suggest that too. It's kind of sad that now she has to run from the one she used to turn to when she was troubled.

I still reckon Ethel has ulterior motives; maybe yes she's got Eidan's best interests in mind, but it still feels like she wants something else. Maybe she would benefit somehow from the curse being broken. I don't know. Story's so long I can't remember what happened already. I don't even remember my past speculations XD

Interesting to note that Eidan has this moment of reflection in which he views his selfishness rather than the darkness as the thing that should be blamed; not sure exactly how abstracted the concept of darkness is here so one could say they do have some relation anyway, since selfishness would stem from some form of darkness, maybe. That felt like a ramble. But anyway. It's true that all those things happened to Jenna and her kingdom and all the rest because of him, but on the flip side, look at how much Jenna has grown since the start of the story.

Although if you look at the big picture, is it really worth it to have so many things messed up just for Jenna's growth... Hmm... I don't know either. My own commentary is getting too philosophical for me and I don't like it.

I wonder how Jenna will react when she finds out Eidan's going... Since some people try to avoid others until the other party is actually gone, then it's a bit late, and then usually tragedy ensues.

Oh, and the italics. "Everyone dies in the end." So maybe I'm right and everyone does die D: Although it's probably not referring to the end of the story, it would hardly come as a surprise if that actually happened... Well, if you're anything like me. 8Db

Okay and yeah I rarely point out edits and stuff when I read your chapters (usually busy fangirling, especially over Lucan) but there are few that struck me as a bit awkwardly worded, so maybe you could revise them.

'To think that he could have done something awful solely just by himself petrified him to no end.'
-The 'solely just by himself' is slightly redundant; you could probably take out 'solely' and it would have the same effect.

'she sent him a scowl and interrupted him before he could even utter a word.'
-Technically you can't interrupt someone if they're not saying anything... Keep that sentence, but substitute a different word in place of 'interrupted'.

"You've had that darkness manifesting inside you ever since you were born, Eidan!"
-I'm not entirely sure the word 'manifesting' is appropriate in this context, since its general definition is to be apparent, evident, visible. I know what you're trying to say but I'm not sure 'manifest' is the best verb to use in this situation.

I sound really nitpicky :s Sorry. I don't generally notice things like that once I'm into the story, but I dunno, none of this review feels like one of my normal ones. My mood is a bit weird today...

As for the depressing moments, drama, tension, and fighting next chapter... All I have to say is, "Sounds like a typical Francine chapter." Especially the first one.

Anyway, great chapter. Next one should be interesting as well. It would be.
10/8/2012 c47 levisama
NO. THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING. EIDAN CAN'T LEAVE. JENNA CAN'T BE AFRAID OF HIM. As you can see, I am very upset by the turn of events. It's just sad how everything changes in this chapter. I remember Eidan vowed that he would stay with Jenna and protect her in earlier chapters and Jenna in turn told him that she could never be afraid of him. Now look at them. It's so sad but well written! Please update soon!
10/8/2012 c46 levisama
I like what you did with the prologue! Even though it's practically the same scene from the first chapter it's really interesting how you gave it a different meaning because it's now written in Eidan's POV. I thought that was really clever! But I'm worried for Jenna now... I hope Eidan doesn't do anything too bad.
10/5/2012 c46 Sky65
MOOOOORE! Give me more! Must read more!
10/3/2012 c46 SoDivine
I don't know whether I should hate you or love you...
You left us in suspense... but at the same time, I'm glad that there's another story coming soon...

I loved this story from beginning to end. Nowadays, its quite difficult to find something complex and entertaining to read, so thank you for providing that. I loved it..plus, I could find no spelling errors so ..yeah, looking forward to your future stories.
10/2/2012 c13 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Yes, I do know that they are no romance between Zeph and Jenna. It's just like the whole Sandor-Sansa deal in A Song of Ice and Fire. All things speculation and zero evidence. Although I admit I'm a Sandor x Sansa shipper. Bah screw it. Let's go on to business.

Firstly, I used to think Jenna had became far likeable. Sadly, she's still as annoying as ever. On persona terms, this is a good thing due the ability to invoke subjective bias from the readers. Yet on the other hand, she's still staying static if you get what I mean. I'm not too sure if this is a good thing because given thirteen chapters down the road, I've seen varying developments for the major players, but not for her (plus Grace as well, but she's a different case due to her exposure length). From a story teller's point of view, I'm not too sure whether this is a bad thing or not.

On Zeph, I really like his character. Even far more than the rest. In a very real sense, I do have a weakness for characters with a roguish streak and Zeph fits the bill. He's pretty much arrogant, but he knows his shit. He's pretty lecherous and... well I do see my younger self back during my teens. I laughed like crazy on the bondage part. I'm not too sure if this truly existed during the Medieval period albeit mass orgies were pretty much existent back then.

On the hostile friendship, I won't really call it this way. Rather, it's far more of a mutual necessity where both parties need each other for their own ends. Jenna quite obviously didn't want to die too soon while Zeph needed her as the required ransom. Yet, both compliment each other really well due to being foils for one another. In this sense, Jenna's static development didn't rub too much of the wrong way for the readers. But yet, one can only wonder all the what-ifs should Jenna truly got her big break on this very aspect.

As for Caelum and Eidan, I just feel that their exchange feels way too informal. More like two rivals quibbling with each other. Granted that Caelum was really pissed off, I feel that you can use other far stronger methods to bring his point across if you're not confident on a formal exchange. Visions exacted upon Eidan would be a good start since Eidan has "awakened". it could actually go a long way in creating severe repercussions on his future not to mention Jenna's as well. Okay, I'll stop here now. Getting a bit groggy and I still owe Vivace Assai one review. -.-'

- The RH
10/1/2012 c46 3CieloRayn
Great chapter as always; I love your description. Great cliffhanger; I hope she doesn't die lol that would be horrible if Jenna was killed by Eidan.
10/1/2012 c46 DutchAver
I loved the start of this chapter. It's essentially a rewrite of the prologue and the conversation is exactly the same, but we look at it from a wholly different perspective and the description is completely different. That was very, very clever. And I have a fondness for very, very clever.
What did Eidan do to save them all, though? Did he kill the entire kingdom of Marniolle just to save Jenna? Not sure what to think of him now - the darkness has taken over completely, it seems, and I have the same questions as Jenna. Is Eidan still Eidan after all?
The ending is very evil, though not as evil as the last time. (Eidan, what are you doing, Eidan, stahp... I couldn't resist, sorry) Update soon!
9/30/2012 c1 19Anihyr Moonstar
[The sky was empty, a void of nothing staring back at her.] By the time you get to this point in the paragraph, we know this. You've said it already in a couple ways, and it feels redundant.

I was a little iffy about the opening - nice description, but it seemed like a fairly cliched start (girl looking out into space and sighing at how depressed she is). As soon as I figured out she was tied to a post, though, and not alone, the pace certainly picked up and you caught my interest. It was a shift away from the cliche and a nice nab to make me wonder how they ended up there and who, precisely, she's with.

And bam! Nice hook ending, too. I certainly wonder how they will get out of this, and I like what I've seen of their relationship so far. Good friends, childhood history, but obviously some twisting emotions in there that run deeper than friendship at some level. I look forward to seeing how this progresses. :)

- Moonstar (Found you through Roadhouse.)
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