for Penumbrae8/19/2012 c4 
9Highway Unicorn
*Le Gasp!* I think the italics is from Grace's perspective now!
I thought the meeting between the Prince, Jenna and Edian was well written. You were able to write out the uncomfortable drama between the situation clearly. :)
I wonder what connection Lucan and Edian have. They are both pale with blue eyes, look similar, their names sound slightly similar, and when Edian touched Lucan, he recieved a massage load of painful memories. Hmmm, my bet is that they're blood related.
I think the story is very eventful at this point: Edian is getting these confusing images and running around...and meeting up with chicks named Grace in the forest. Sounds eventful to me. :)
9Highway Unicorn*Le Gasp!* I think the italics is from Grace's perspective now!
I thought the meeting between the Prince, Jenna and Edian was well written. You were able to write out the uncomfortable drama between the situation clearly. :)
I wonder what connection Lucan and Edian have. They are both pale with blue eyes, look similar, their names sound slightly similar, and when Edian touched Lucan, he recieved a massage load of painful memories. Hmmm, my bet is that they're blood related.
I think the story is very eventful at this point: Edian is getting these confusing images and running around...and meeting up with chicks named Grace in the forest. Sounds eventful to me. :)
8/18/2012 c44 Sky65
I absolutley was sucked into and addictted to this story as soon as I started reading! Ive been able to piece together almost everything! Btw, THIS STORY IS FREAKING AMAZING! Its actually the first story ive on fictionpress, and im astounded. I love the characters too! There is not a single Mary Sue and their reactions are compltley- belivable! Now my favorite character...i love all of them! (exept Lacie and i slightly dislike the prince charming) Anyways I cant wait to read more! Please update soon!
p.s- I feel like im readig a real book!
I absolutley was sucked into and addictted to this story as soon as I started reading! Ive been able to piece together almost everything! Btw, THIS STORY IS FREAKING AMAZING! Its actually the first story ive on fictionpress, and im astounded. I love the characters too! There is not a single Mary Sue and their reactions are compltley- belivable! Now my favorite character...i love all of them! (exept Lacie and i slightly dislike the prince charming) Anyways I cant wait to read more! Please update soon!
p.s- I feel like im readig a real book!
8/18/2012 c3 Highway Unicorn
I love their meeting, especailly how adorably annoying Jenna was when her father was trying to help out Eidan. "Oh. He's not dead, daddy." That made me laugh because I could imagine her saying it so calmly and just a tad upset. XD She got so excited when she thought he was dead; just shows she ins't a normal princess, huh?
I wonder why the sun hurts him? Is the pain like a burning sensation or does he just not like being in the sun?
And for the italics, my bet is that it's Jenna talking about their realtionship, like she's retelling how she wanted him to open up to her and tell her that he loves her and all the fun mushy stuff. ;3
I love their meeting, especailly how adorably annoying Jenna was when her father was trying to help out Eidan. "Oh. He's not dead, daddy." That made me laugh because I could imagine her saying it so calmly and just a tad upset. XD She got so excited when she thought he was dead; just shows she ins't a normal princess, huh?
I wonder why the sun hurts him? Is the pain like a burning sensation or does he just not like being in the sun?
And for the italics, my bet is that it's Jenna talking about their realtionship, like she's retelling how she wanted him to open up to her and tell her that he loves her and all the fun mushy stuff. ;3
8/17/2012 c1 1GorgyPorgyGregoria
This is beautiful. I could feel my heart racing as if I was watching the execution myself! I must read more!
1GorgyPorgyGregoriaThis is beautiful. I could feel my heart racing as if I was watching the execution myself! I must read more!
8/15/2012 c30 1illusionae
Wait. Grace is... Eidan's SISTER? I didn't expect that at all! It's even stranger that he's betrothed to TWO of his sisters. Wow. I'm intrigued about the Dark Kingdom now because it does look like a really odd place compared to all the other kingdoms in this world. The scene with Jenna and Eidan near the end was very sweet. They're sharing a bed now! It won't be long before they finally kiss, or I hope so anyway.
1illusionaeWait. Grace is... Eidan's SISTER? I didn't expect that at all! It's even stranger that he's betrothed to TWO of his sisters. Wow. I'm intrigued about the Dark Kingdom now because it does look like a really odd place compared to all the other kingdoms in this world. The scene with Jenna and Eidan near the end was very sweet. They're sharing a bed now! It won't be long before they finally kiss, or I hope so anyway.
8/15/2012 c29 illusionae
I've been reading a bunch of these chapters lately and I'm so glad that there is more romance between Eidan and Jenna! I like how slow their relationship is because it makes it more fun to read when they start to get closer and it's also more realistic. :)
I've been reading a bunch of these chapters lately and I'm so glad that there is more romance between Eidan and Jenna! I like how slow their relationship is because it makes it more fun to read when they start to get closer and it's also more realistic. :)
8/15/2012 c44 levisama
I've finally caught up with this story now! It was great to read about Mana and Zeph for once and this was a great chapter to develop them as characters. I like how even though Zeph is a criminal, he still has responsible views when it comes to Mana. He doesn't care about himself but he cares about her. I also liked the flashback with Ophelia. It's a bit sad to see how much has changed between all the Gods because it looked like they were all nice friends before Caelum kidnapped Celeste. Their story is very tragic and I hope they resolve their hatred in the end. Update soon please! :)
I've finally caught up with this story now! It was great to read about Mana and Zeph for once and this was a great chapter to develop them as characters. I like how even though Zeph is a criminal, he still has responsible views when it comes to Mana. He doesn't care about himself but he cares about her. I also liked the flashback with Ophelia. It's a bit sad to see how much has changed between all the Gods because it looked like they were all nice friends before Caelum kidnapped Celeste. Their story is very tragic and I hope they resolve their hatred in the end. Update soon please! :)
8/14/2012 c44 Vernelley
Aaaand once again I cannot sign in. Why.
Haha Zeph is so great with names. CALL UPON THE MIGHTY EARTH GODDESS O-SOMETHING. XD
I'm still not really sure exactly what's going to happen with the Earth and Air Kingdoms colliding, but it sounds pretty catastrophic... I suppose a lot depends on which course of action Mana chooses to take. It's not an easy decision to do the morally right thing when one of the parties involved has basically hated you since you were born.
Oho so maybe since Zeph died he isn't cursed anymore and it was just his sickness that Celeste got rid of that night? At least, that's how I read it. But it's kind of an amusing irony that Zeph did die and he has no idea XD I can actually really imagine how Ophelia must be feeling though. I would be angry too if I spent thousands of years trying to help my best friend only for someone who used to be my friend but whom I now hate to heal them with relative ease. And that flashback was quite painful as well, when you see what's become of Ophelia and Celeste's friendship. Especially considering Ophelia basically wanted to rip Celeste apart not long ago.
Woohoo Zeph and Mana are having a lovers' spat /coughcough And lol at Zeph perving on Mana's legs. Wtheck Zeph. Okay but seriously, they're both making strong points about why they should or shouldn't help...
It's nice to see that even though Zeph was at some point a criminal, he still obviously has moral standards, in that he's aware that two kingdoms will die if Mana doesn't help, so I think it's good that he's trying to encourage her to help them. Also, he obviously cares about what could become of Mana if she just allowed everyone to die because she's overcome with her hatred for the Earth Kingdom.
But then I did expect Mana to eventually listen to Zeph's voice of reasoning; it would be unlike her to hold that grudge against them just because of a few of the inhabitants of the Earth were selfish creatures. It's good that she can understand that, and I think this chapter shows more of both Zeph and Mana's psychological processes than we've seen up until this point.
And uhuhuhu Ophelia and Aphyron's relationship is just really precious and I hope that things will be sorted out and that everyone has a happy ending. But obviously knowing you it's not going to be that simple e_e
Aaaand once again I cannot sign in. Why.
Haha Zeph is so great with names. CALL UPON THE MIGHTY EARTH GODDESS O-SOMETHING. XD
I'm still not really sure exactly what's going to happen with the Earth and Air Kingdoms colliding, but it sounds pretty catastrophic... I suppose a lot depends on which course of action Mana chooses to take. It's not an easy decision to do the morally right thing when one of the parties involved has basically hated you since you were born.
Oho so maybe since Zeph died he isn't cursed anymore and it was just his sickness that Celeste got rid of that night? At least, that's how I read it. But it's kind of an amusing irony that Zeph did die and he has no idea XD I can actually really imagine how Ophelia must be feeling though. I would be angry too if I spent thousands of years trying to help my best friend only for someone who used to be my friend but whom I now hate to heal them with relative ease. And that flashback was quite painful as well, when you see what's become of Ophelia and Celeste's friendship. Especially considering Ophelia basically wanted to rip Celeste apart not long ago.
Woohoo Zeph and Mana are having a lovers' spat /coughcough And lol at Zeph perving on Mana's legs. Wtheck Zeph. Okay but seriously, they're both making strong points about why they should or shouldn't help...
It's nice to see that even though Zeph was at some point a criminal, he still obviously has moral standards, in that he's aware that two kingdoms will die if Mana doesn't help, so I think it's good that he's trying to encourage her to help them. Also, he obviously cares about what could become of Mana if she just allowed everyone to die because she's overcome with her hatred for the Earth Kingdom.
But then I did expect Mana to eventually listen to Zeph's voice of reasoning; it would be unlike her to hold that grudge against them just because of a few of the inhabitants of the Earth were selfish creatures. It's good that she can understand that, and I think this chapter shows more of both Zeph and Mana's psychological processes than we've seen up until this point.
And uhuhuhu Ophelia and Aphyron's relationship is just really precious and I hope that things will be sorted out and that everyone has a happy ending. But obviously knowing you it's not going to be that simple e_e
8/14/2012 c44 findings
Mana and Zeph are so innocent when they don't argue! But they could've at least hugged, that would've touched my heart3
Your writings' amazing, love ya!
Mana and Zeph are so innocent when they don't argue! But they could've at least hugged, that would've touched my heart3
Your writings' amazing, love ya!
8/14/2012 c44 3thenutrunningthenuthouse
I like Mana’s attitude; finally there’s someone who’s just plain “screw this” I mean Eidan almost has that mentality, but I like the way Mana executes it
Oh, and I still love Zeph. Not remembering names is just another one of my favorite things about him.
Wait, if they could cure the curse…then Zeph wouldn’t have to die! :D I want their curse cured.
You know, it’s funny how you’ve been serving us pieces of the gods’ backstory and I’ve only been paying so much attention (enough, but I, unfortunately, do not remember it all). But, I love where it’s going and now that I’m remembering what I read god knows how far back, it’s all so fascinating. The gods’ story really is epic—forbidden love, murder, revenge, the lot of it. It’s so cool that all our godly friends are on the earth…
One question…why haven’t we heard from Aphyron yet? I want to see him too.
Zeph already died? *looks back at story * THERE WERE SO MANY TIMES WHEN THAT COULD’VE BEEN.
I gotta say, Zeph having the stronger morals right now is kind of freaky. I mean, Mana’s considering killing two populations, which seems kind of strange for her, but Zeph trying to prevent that? What happened to the selfish bastard I know and love?
Wow, I’m really liking this chapter. Zeph comforting Mana was so cute. It’s obvious that Zeph is complicated, and part of that includes not knowing how to charm the ladies.
*raises hand * I am indeed confused about the curse! But, I’ll wait until the next chapter. Ah man, I’m so glad that I’m reading this story. So happy.
3thenutrunningthenuthouseI like Mana’s attitude; finally there’s someone who’s just plain “screw this” I mean Eidan almost has that mentality, but I like the way Mana executes it
Oh, and I still love Zeph. Not remembering names is just another one of my favorite things about him.
Wait, if they could cure the curse…then Zeph wouldn’t have to die! :D I want their curse cured.
You know, it’s funny how you’ve been serving us pieces of the gods’ backstory and I’ve only been paying so much attention (enough, but I, unfortunately, do not remember it all). But, I love where it’s going and now that I’m remembering what I read god knows how far back, it’s all so fascinating. The gods’ story really is epic—forbidden love, murder, revenge, the lot of it. It’s so cool that all our godly friends are on the earth…
One question…why haven’t we heard from Aphyron yet? I want to see him too.
Zeph already died? *looks back at story * THERE WERE SO MANY TIMES WHEN THAT COULD’VE BEEN.
I gotta say, Zeph having the stronger morals right now is kind of freaky. I mean, Mana’s considering killing two populations, which seems kind of strange for her, but Zeph trying to prevent that? What happened to the selfish bastard I know and love?
Wow, I’m really liking this chapter. Zeph comforting Mana was so cute. It’s obvious that Zeph is complicated, and part of that includes not knowing how to charm the ladies.
*raises hand * I am indeed confused about the curse! But, I’ll wait until the next chapter. Ah man, I’m so glad that I’m reading this story. So happy.
8/14/2012 c43 levisama
It was painful to read Lucan and Jenna fighting because I really didn't expect them to be so hostile with each other. It was also such a shock to see Lucan get violent when he saw Eidan but it's not OOC. It makes sense for him to be very angry especially when his mother and his sister died in one day. I do think that they died because of Eidan and Jenna being in Marniolle though. It's too much of a coincidence and I wonder if Ethel might have something to do with it? I can't imagine anyone else who would be suspicious...
It was painful to read Lucan and Jenna fighting because I really didn't expect them to be so hostile with each other. It was also such a shock to see Lucan get violent when he saw Eidan but it's not OOC. It makes sense for him to be very angry especially when his mother and his sister died in one day. I do think that they died because of Eidan and Jenna being in Marniolle though. It's too much of a coincidence and I wonder if Ethel might have something to do with it? I can't imagine anyone else who would be suspicious...
8/14/2012 c42 levisama
Wow, such a cliffhanger! I can see why you were excited on writing this part of this story because it looks like it has a lot of action in it. It was lovely to see Grace and Eidan finally having a sibling relationship in this story. I thought it was very sweet of Eidan to visit Marniolle just for his sister and 'm glad that he has this side to him. Sometimes, it's like he's only caring towards Jenna so I was very pleased to see him treat Grace like that. Although it does make it sadder that he has to kill her. :(
Wow, such a cliffhanger! I can see why you were excited on writing this part of this story because it looks like it has a lot of action in it. It was lovely to see Grace and Eidan finally having a sibling relationship in this story. I thought it was very sweet of Eidan to visit Marniolle just for his sister and 'm glad that he has this side to him. Sometimes, it's like he's only caring towards Jenna so I was very pleased to see him treat Grace like that. Although it does make it sadder that he has to kill her. :(
8/14/2012 c37 2CieloRayn
I love how Jenna faces her fears and comes to the realization that she is in love with Eidan ).
2CieloRaynI love how Jenna faces her fears and comes to the realization that she is in love with Eidan ).
8/12/2012 c1 2B.R. McNair
Before I go into review mode, I just need to say this. Your opening paragraph is the complete opposite of the one for my story. Fun fact.
Okay... Well, I can't say I've read many stories in which the main characters die in the prologue. I can only hope they somehow survive. I suppose I'll have to read the whole book to find out though. You have a very effective hook in that regard. In some ways though the reader might get all pissy and not want to read the rest if the characters just die at the end. But I'm not that reader. I enjoyed this chapter and I especially liked your opening sentences. It was also slightly humorous to watch the two leads almost get into a fight right before death, which I felt actually demonstrated the power of their bond. I'll probably read and review more once I steel myself for the 200,000 words I'll have to go through. Good job on this prologue though.
Peace and love,
B.R. McNair
P.S.- I saw you at the Roadhouse. If you return reviews, I'd appreciate a review for Trials of the Son. :)
2B.R. McNairBefore I go into review mode, I just need to say this. Your opening paragraph is the complete opposite of the one for my story. Fun fact.
Okay... Well, I can't say I've read many stories in which the main characters die in the prologue. I can only hope they somehow survive. I suppose I'll have to read the whole book to find out though. You have a very effective hook in that regard. In some ways though the reader might get all pissy and not want to read the rest if the characters just die at the end. But I'm not that reader. I enjoyed this chapter and I especially liked your opening sentences. It was also slightly humorous to watch the two leads almost get into a fight right before death, which I felt actually demonstrated the power of their bond. I'll probably read and review more once I steel myself for the 200,000 words I'll have to go through. Good job on this prologue though.
Peace and love,
B.R. McNair
P.S.- I saw you at the Roadhouse. If you return reviews, I'd appreciate a review for Trials of the Son. :)
8/12/2012 c3 63RedactedNoLongerWriting
It's been ages since I read this so I apologize if I say anything particularly stupid about stuff that was mentioned in the first couple chapters. :)
Really interested in Eidan as a character. Obviously he has that mystery of his backstory to make him even more intriguing, but he seems like a strong character in addition to that. I remember when I read this before that I thought Jenna was a bit childish but I think it's cool how Eidan doesn't seem to be. Even in the flashback, you showed their contrasting personalities well. I got a good laugh out of how nonplussed Jenna was at finding a seemingly dead boy in the middle of the forest. She'll be a formidable character someday, I think, when she grows up with whatever you throw at her in this story, and the two of them will be a good power couple/partnership. At least I think that's where this is leading, haha. I need to get further into this story sometime.
Let's see. As I'm thinking about this chapter again I'm torn how I feel about the content. On one hand I think the flashback and 'dream' sequences were both really cool, but on the other the fact that there were two in one chapter was a little odd to me. It's usually best to space out things like that unless you plan on making a habit of jumping around in the timeline. It didn't bother me as I was reading this but thinking back on it I think it might be a little excessive. Just my opinion, though.
Anyway, thanks for the review on my story. It was nice to get back here. I keep meaning to because I remember being really drawn in by the prologue, so maybe I'll stop by again soon. :)
63RedactedNoLongerWritingIt's been ages since I read this so I apologize if I say anything particularly stupid about stuff that was mentioned in the first couple chapters. :)
Really interested in Eidan as a character. Obviously he has that mystery of his backstory to make him even more intriguing, but he seems like a strong character in addition to that. I remember when I read this before that I thought Jenna was a bit childish but I think it's cool how Eidan doesn't seem to be. Even in the flashback, you showed their contrasting personalities well. I got a good laugh out of how nonplussed Jenna was at finding a seemingly dead boy in the middle of the forest. She'll be a formidable character someday, I think, when she grows up with whatever you throw at her in this story, and the two of them will be a good power couple/partnership. At least I think that's where this is leading, haha. I need to get further into this story sometime.
Let's see. As I'm thinking about this chapter again I'm torn how I feel about the content. On one hand I think the flashback and 'dream' sequences were both really cool, but on the other the fact that there were two in one chapter was a little odd to me. It's usually best to space out things like that unless you plan on making a habit of jumping around in the timeline. It didn't bother me as I was reading this but thinking back on it I think it might be a little excessive. Just my opinion, though.
Anyway, thanks for the review on my story. It was nice to get back here. I keep meaning to because I remember being really drawn in by the prologue, so maybe I'll stop by again soon. :)