6/12/2012 c38 3thenutrunningthenuthouse
Gahh, I read this a while ago but I never got around to reviewing it! I'm so bad. _

I gotta agree with Eidan with Morgan and Gwen. Seriously, those two are so enigmantic/strange. I hope we get a few of those questions answered. ;)

["Is this where you live? I can't see a damn thing."] - lol Zeph

Oh, I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I love the conflict with Eidan and Caelum. It's quite interesting to see how Eidan seems to be listening to Caelum more, and I love Caelum's laid back yet slightly psychopathic attitude.

O_O Morgan, WTF? That's just cruel! I mean, it was nice that he cleared her memories, but that's still pretty douche-y! Wow, when I first read this, that was such a crazy moment. Like, seriously, ohhh Jenna.

On a similar note, I love how your characters are not perfect. Jenna may be a pretty blonde princess, but she's not perfect. She makes mistakes. In fact, she makes mistakes that royally screw many things up.

["How the hell can we find that-"

"I can see in the dark!"

"That's great but what about me?"

Eidan was tempted to just leave him there.] - I love those two and their banter.

o_o and evil dogs. Well, Ethel is quite a charmer.

[Inside his head, Caelum was literally choking with laughter.] - for once, I am laughing at the same thing as Caelum. That scene with Jenna beating on Zeph was hilarious! Excellent comedic break!

Nice chapter, as usual!

6/10/2012 c14 Animel
Well, you don't need math to be a great writer!

I love how you've totally turned a typical expectation of an air kingdom on its head, with everything from the colors to its vileness. In doing so you've created a surprising world uniquely your own.

In the last chapter I loved the evolution of Caelum and Eidan's interaction and how Caelum became a more legitimate character for whom the reader could finally feel empathy as opposed to just being this force of evil. Obviously it's a terrible dilemma for poor Eidan, but we forget that Caelum has his reasons as well and just as much of a trapped situation.

I also really liked the way that the first part fooled me in this chapter. Having nearly forgotten about Grace by this point (don't worry, only nearly!) I assumed it was Jen speaking, which made for a sneaky reintroduction of that character. Well done.

6/6/2012 c38 DutchAver
Jenna thinking so philosophically shows that she's grown up since the first chapter. I can't help saying it :)

Jenna finally remembering her precious friend feels a bit... rushed. I can't really explain it: it's like 'Eidan and Zeph doing their things at Eidan's place, and then, oh, right, there's Jenna remembering Eidan as well. Okay, now let's go back to the interesting part of the chapter'. It should feel heartwarming, but it doesn't really because it's done so quickly. No idea how you should fix that, though.

I do understand it's important - I presume that the war Morgan and Gwen will be starting will happen in the sequel? *Shivers* They're scary.

When Ethel showed her jealousy of Jenna, I suddenly realized how bizarre that is. (In a good way, don't worry :) ) Ethel is jealous of her brother's girlfriend because she wants to be with her brother. Ahem.

The ending was, as usually, very sweet. For a second, I feared that there would be drama between Jenna and Eidan and a fight, but Eidan himself solved it nicely and in the most 'aww' way possible. Nicely done! I do agree with Eidan that they're not ready yet for going any further in their relationship, but it's nice to see that they're both going for always and forever. (It sounds a bit like Rooting for Romance, the promise between Yuri and Ellen... 'we're going to be best friends forever' :) )

I also remember the hints you've thrown in... about character death, and you've once fearfully said 'what if Lucan and Grace aren't the ones who are going to die?' I'm not going to make any theories(Jack / Kana) but I do say that what you said makes me a bit afraid of the fate of the happy couple... maybe one of them is going to die? Or maybe they'll both have to die? It's all speculation and I'm not going to form any theories ;)

Please, please, please, don't let the next chapter take as long! And keep writing! It's quite impressive how you manage to write Caelum, even after the three of us butchered his character completely xD

6/4/2012 c37 6Victoria Best
Hey :D

This was a great chapter! I LOVE LOVE LOVE it, especially all the interesting psychological questions it poses about human nature. I cannot believe they started that war with Ascantha just because they were bored and wanted entertainment! That is just shocking. I am always so amazed by your vivid imagination. You have created an incredible world, which is completely unique and mesmerising. I also love the philosophical ideas you develop in this chapter, for example "You strive for freedom and flory and yet when you grasp it, you let it tear your insides apart. It sickens me whenever I see your kind wallow about sadness and heartbreak when in the end, you were the ones who brought it upon yourselves." That was brilliant! It's an interesting philosophy, and although I don't quite agree with it, it clearly showed Gwen is quite a damaged person and only sees the cruelty in the world, not the colours of it. I even pity her to some extent. She is a fantastic character, and I'm going to talk more about her later. In addition, again I am amazed by your vivid imagination. You actually created this whole world? How on earth did you do that? I love how Morgan has two bodies. It's such a unique idea and makes him such a memorable character, and I don't think I have ever seen that in a story before. I think I am going to dedicate a whole section to them two later :')

I like the development of relationships in this chapter. Mana was so nice to Jenna! She really made her feel so much better, comforted her and cheered her up. I didn't really know what to think of her at first, but I really like her now. She is such a sweetie! She is a genuinely good person, which are pretty rare in this story, what with the amount of people who are fighting against them. Jenna's emotions were captured brilliantly throughout the scene with her parents. It was truly heart-breaking. I feel so sorry for her. I just want to give her a big hug :'( She has suffered through such a traumatic past, and has lost the two people closest to her. You made her show some very real emotion there, making her someone we can really relate to and empathise with, and we finally got to see how the loss of her parents has directly affected her and see and understand her true emotions. It was beautiful. She is really developing as a character. The fact that she stood up to Gwen near the end of this chapter proves she is growing up, learning to stand her ground, and has learnt so much about life and the world from all her adventures. "I'd rather die than not live at all." Well said, Jenna! That was brilliant! I was cheering for her all throughout that part :') She is absolutely right. What is the point of living if you are not going to act alive?

Speaking of antagonists, (Well, they are antagonists to some extent) damn Morgan and Gwen are creepy. Yay, I am talking about them now! They are beyond creepy. They are like unnerving, disturbing, nightmare-inducing creepy. It's strange how they view their curse as a gift. I get the feeling the rest of the world would see their "Gift" as a curse; only they believe they have been blessed. They are kind of ignorant and naive, perhaps just oblivious to the cruelty of their own situations because they are blinded by the power that it brings. They are so unfeeling and callous they simply don't care about seeing the world or developing as people. They are perfectly happy to sit smiling in their thrones and watching wars unfold, as long as it means they can come out the other side with a fistful of diamonds. It got me when Jenna asked her "Doesn't it get lonely?" and it's obvious Gwen is too dead inside to care about loneliness. She probably doesn't even know what it is. In her head she is perfectly fine and powerful, and that's all she cares about. I think they are genius characters, and you have written them so brilliantly. It's compelling to watch them and I just can't work them out or guess what their next move will be; they're unstable, dangerous and it's hard to tell whether they are good or evil, whether they will rip Eidan and Jenna apart or help them break their curse. Although, they're probably so bored they will genuinely help them, as long as it provides some form of entertainment, even for just a short time. It's pretty creepy stuff.

Another brilliant chapter and I cannot wait to read more! I cannot wait to see what Zeph and Eidan are going to do. You are such a talented writer and are a real inspiration. I cannot believe how incredible this story is. Keep writing and following your dreams! :D

-Vicky x

6/3/2012 c38 Viva-la-Mylo
Lmaoo I'm In love with zeph ! I can't believe Jenna did that! It's gonna come back and bite her in the ass and Eidan! D;

6/3/2012 c37 Vivace.Assai
I’m back and ready to start reviewing again!

So normally I write the review as I go along. Thus, you get a play by play of my emotions and thoughts as I read as the chapter. However, this chapter was too intense that I just read it straight through without any pause (except to get food… since I like food). And normally I’m in an excited state while reading the chapter. However, this chapter was too mellow and depressing for that to happen. Plus, testing has drained an extensive amount of energy from me (by the way, hope the GCSE exams went okay for you). Anyways, this was basically a long-winded explanation to say: this review is going to suck…

Let’s begin:

I find that this chapter was rather emotional and I loved it for that. You really delved into Jenna’s emotions really well. From the beginning, you developed Jenna’s shock and denial at what she is about to do. This then gives great set-up for the breakdown she has later on in the chapter. And I liked how you showed her foreboding: [Her eyes widened and she gasped aloud, her body shaking almost instantly] – a great way to say how terrified she was considering the actions are normally assumed ones when someone is freaking out.

Furthermore, I loved how Jenna’s character developed and grew so much in this one chapter. Her realization at how spoilt she was and her understanding how much her parents loved her – all of this are key developments. As she stared at her parents and cried telling them sorry and thank you, I seriously felt like crying. For all that Jenna did in the first few chapters (i.e.: being irritating), she has really grown from her travels and sufferings. She is starting to understand her place in the world better and she’s becoming more than a reluctant princess – she is becoming a committed individual, ready to take action and make a difference in the world. And I love this chapter for that development since it adds more “colors” into Jenna’s character and makes her truly real. She makes mistakes but she learns from them and that’s the point most people want their characters (and themselves) to reach. So great job with Jenna’s development! :)

I really like how you delved into Mana’s character, too. Thinking about it, I don’t really know much about her on a more serious level (I know enough about how she feuds with Zeph). But it was nice to see her and actually see her as a character not bound by her god’s past. She doesn’t want Ophelia to rule her life and I find that great to see in a character – it shows endurance and resilience. Furthermore, this makes her relationship with Jenna and Eidan a lot less complicated. Furthermore, hearing about all that Ophelia’s reincarnations have suffered lets me see how horrid this curse.

And that discussion between Jenna and Gwen! Wow! I really love how each of the characters have their own point and it was a pretty tense conversation, too. I could see both of their tempers flaring up and I could also see Jenna’s realization about Gwen. I do pity Gwen in a way but she also scares me, too, with how sadistic she is. I’m curious to learn more about Morgan and her. If not in this story then hopefully in the sequel you’re planning. *cough*hint*cough*hint* ;D

But that last statement… wonder how Ethel is going to prove emotions to be a downfall (though I really do disagree with that last statement by Ethel – I’m shouting at her: HAVE YOU READ “THE GIVER”? By the way, if you haven’t read “The Giver” yet, you should – it’s amazing and insightful yet it’s supposed to be for children).

Thanks for the great read!

Signing off…

P.S.: FictionPress has made massive changes on its formatting and capabilities as you may know (covers for stories might be possible in the future)... And I noticed it basically ruined all your formatting with the chapter titles...

5/27/2012 c7 Old xRayneWolfx account
I really liked your descriptions and the mystery tone you gave out at the beginning and the end. It was really great fantasy undertones with the chapter. And your characters are slowly growing in my head so I'm really enjoying them. :) nice job

Rayne wolf