7/20/2013 c21 Marc Reid
- Refreshing to really start digging into this again. Remembering why I enjoy your style so much
- Little moments of personality and character I do enjoy I wish to note, with each character still feeling their own identity as a whole. Even the ways you get it in small ways, such as dialogue, I do enjoy.
- "Why are we in a toilet?"" part I just laughed. No clue why, but I did.
- Eidan's struggle is easily one of my favorite things in this chapter. His inner thoughts, struggle to not act on things, and so forth I find compelling still and I think the mystery of where he'll lean to, the unpredictable element, the suspense, etc. is excellent.
- Also, glad to see fiance dude come back up. I'll admit I did forget about it.
- I'm going to read up on a few, non-stop. So while you won't see reviews immediately, I will be reading. Just saving it all for one thing that can incorporate all my feelings without repeating things.
- Also, the thing I do enjoy about your writing style is the combination of minimalism while also bringing everything together with them. If I can put it best, you paint an effective picture while also having a fast pace, making it easy to fit plenty into a chapter while also not making feel bogged down.

6/11/2013 c54 10Vivace.Assai
[She saw his eyes behind the mask and found nothing but a blank canvas of blue.] This sentence is so beautiful. Actually the entire paragraph this sentence belongs to is incredibly beautiful. Looking back at your older chapters, I’ve definitely noticed that your writing has matured a lot. You’ve gotten so beautiful at expressing your imagery and the characters and their thoughts; in a way, your writing is almost poetry at moments. So I’ve definitely enjoyed your writing (I always have), and I love how it sets such a marvelous tone for everything! Because that paragraph definitely made everything seem so much more morose.

OKAY. LUCAN IS PSYCHOTIC. I am sorry, but this isn’t the same Lucan I knew and loved (well, I kind of guessed that from the past few chapters but now that he’s actually talked…). I do love the conversation between Jenna and him though. Lucan definitely knows what buttons to push, and I think he’s very effective at playing with Jenna’s mind. Though I hate to admit it, it’s probably because half of the things he is saying are slightly true. He’s definitely twisted the words, but there’s some logic behind what he mentions. In fact, his mention of fairy tales is wonderful when juxtaposed with the last chapter. When Eidan is helping Jenna dress, she herself thinks back to the fairy tales of her childhood, of Eidan being her prince. It’s clear Lucan has hit the mark and Jenna is bothered by it. But it’s definitely sad to think how Jenna dreamed so much of a happier life but her reality was never made for fairy tales and pure, innocent bliss. This girl has definitely been through a lot, and it’s shocking to think she’s only around my age and she has to endure so much.

[Perhaps things would be okay, in time.] Okay, so this conversation is really sweet and uplifting but I can’t help but think: Oh no, there isn’t that much time left for them… But anyways, I really enjoyed the scene between Mana and Eidan. It was a very nice moment, and I loved how Mana stopped Eidan before he could talk about how awesome she was—that is just like Mana to support Eidan but leave the cheesy complimentary, sappy talk.

But the conversation definitely shed so much more light into Jenna’s situation. I thought the mention of what happened when she gave birth to Vincent to be kind of adorable and tragically sad. Even after all this time, she still wanted to hold onto some part of Eidan. It really might have been better if Eidan had been with her throughout the three years. But anyways, I feel so sad for what has happened to Jenna and the fact she’s still able to get through everything relatively intact is amazing. This girl is pretty strong, or at least, she tries very hard to be strong.

[He didn't even blink. Lucan merely cast a glance at his wounded shoulder and narrowed his eyes at her.] OKAY. THIS IS GUY IS PSYCHOTIC AND NOT HUMAN ANY LONGER. He doesn’t even blink after he gets shot by a bullet?! WHAT? WHAT? WHAT IS HE? It’s clear the darkness has severely affected Lucan all these years, and I just don’t know anymore. He scares me. He scares me so much.

[Behind her eyelids, she could see the old Lucan; the Lucan who went to that festival with her when they first met, the Lucan who held her hand during those awful tournaments in the Earth Kingdom, the Lucan who cried when his family died. She remembered how he used to be so polite and kind and pure, because if she was going to die at his hand right now, then she would rather remember Lucan as the prince that he was, not the murderer.] Great juxtaposition by having us reminded of what Lucan used to be. It’s been awhile since we’ve met Lucan and the last time we saw him, he was shooting arrows at Jenna. The other last time we saw him, he was killing Celeste. And the last time we saw him before that, he was slowly going insane and sending Eidan and Jenna to their deaths. So this paragraph is a good reminder of what Lucan used to be—a good, kind guy who was really helpful and the epitome of light. And the fact that we’re reminded of what Lucan used to be, we’re even more appalled by what has happened to him. He has clearly changed beyond repair, and the monstrous being who is attacking Jenna… that’s not him. Because the old Lucan used to be so forgiving. The recent events have been quite horrifying, and I’m sad that so much has changed between everybody.

[Eidan pulled his arm away from her. She let him, dropping her gaze. Fine. If he really wanted to leave again, then she would not stop him. He must have taken her earlier words to heart. He was really going to leave again. Fine. If that was what he- / He took her hand.] Well, that’s just adorable. The rape issue is still lingering in my mind, but I find it really cute that they’re at least unified together and supporting each other when the big bad wolf decides to strike.

["You better be back," the thief barked. "I am not babysitting this kid for the rest of my life." / Jenna smiled. It was nice to know that he clearly cared for their safety.] Haha… Oh Zeph… I still love his charming character so much.

AND WHAT.

WHAT.

Please give me a minute to process what has just happened.

SO IT’S NOT JUST LUCAN WHO’S A PSYCHOPATH BUT ALSO ETHEL? Okay, I kind of knew that Ethel was kind of crazy and not really of the right mind but… THEY ARE NOW DEALING WITH TWO PSYCHOS?

This is bad… This is very, very, very, very, very bad…

The plot has just gotten a lot more intense with this chapter, and now I cannot wait for the next update. You’ve seriously outdone yourself. I never thought things could get crazier than they’ve already have. Good job. You managed to do it.

But now I’m really confused. What does Ethel hope to gain by getting all the reincarnations of the curse into the same room? What does she want to do and why does she want to do it? Why does she want to destroy the Earth Kingdom? What is her part in this whole entire curse thing? There are so many parts to this entire mess and so far, none of those parts have quite meshed together well yet. And this is becoming incredibly bothersome and worrisome. I really do wonder how you’re going to resolve everything.

And what has happened to Caelum? And the maze and the game… I’m seriously freaking out now.

This has been an awesome chapter! It captured my attention from beginning to end and I am incredibly excited to read what happens next.

Thanks for such an amazing read and thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story with us unworthy human beings.

Signing off…

6/11/2013 c52 Vivace.Assai
[How many times had she imagined this very scene? Dreaded it with every ounce of her heart, or dreamt of it as a solution to her grief, or a penance for her anger, or a path into rage? How many versions of this scene had she thought of – where Eidan would beg for forgiveness, or she would demand answers, or he would look at disgust at their child, or she would cry and cry some more?] OH THE FEELS. HOW THEY RETURN. HOW THEY RETURN. But really, this paragraph was really beautifully done. It managed to capture Jenna’s emotions very nicely, how conflicted she has been by this whole experience and how uncertain she is that this moment has now happened.

[It felt as if he was a breath away, and yet they were still miles apart.] ASDJFLKSJDLFSDJFLDS. NOOOOOOOOO! WHY?!

But anyways, that scene between Jenna and Eidan made me very sad (well, I was already sad but that’s beside the point). However, it gave a lot better justification into Jenna’s psychology for all of this. I think you do incredibly well in portraying your characters’ psyche and explaining why they do what they do. And that’s why readers get so wrapped up in the story because they easily connect with the characters and easily understand them. I like how you make Jenna so conflicted. Half of her yearns for Eidan, but the other half is trying to be strong—or at least, what Jenna feels is strong and that’s being independent and away from Eidan. And of course, there’s the reason of Vincent having a normal life (though I somehow feel that’s a smaller part of the whole issue… which is she’s just afraid of getting hurt again and wants to instead distance herself from Eidan to protect herself). Life has definitely changed for the characters. While Eidan has been off mastering and training, Jenna has been forced to become a mother and to have to deal with all these issues; it’s kind of obvious they can’t return to their past anymore. And so, I like how you’re admitting that fact and putting these barriers between the two. Of course, as a reader, I don’t like the barriers, but as a fellow author, I feel the barriers were good choices to add.

And ooohhhh… Okay. That scene when they were talking about the curse is uncomfortable. I do feel like you could have made it a lot more tense, since that scene felt a little bit rushed. But nevertheless, I’m kind of shocked Jenna reacted the way she did. Clearly Eidan’s appearance has heavily affected her and any sense of her reason. And I still feel really bad about this decision; Grace is Eidan’s sister. But now… I’m wondering if Ethel is telling the truth about “killing the clones” or if it was just another ploy. I wouldn’t put it past Ethel. That girl is crazy. Very crazy. And scary.

[Eidan was quite surprised at his ability to talk, but he supposed that three year olds could talk freely at this age. He wasn't really sure; his experience with children was limited.] This is exactly how I feel too, Eidan. This is exactly how I feel too.

[Thankfully, three year olds weren't known to suspect lies or deceit, therefore Vincent carried on eating his ice cream.] Haha, poor innocent Vincent.

But I just love the portrayal of Vincent! He acts clearly like a little kid. He makes all these comments in innocence, not even knowing that they gravely affect the other characters (like the eye color comment). He also loves his ice cream (but everybody loves ice cream… not just little kids). So I think you nailed the personality really well! And that scene between Vincent and Eidan. It was just so adorable. It’s just kind of nice having a happy little scene like that with all the pain and suffering that’s been dealt out for these past couple of chapters.

But then Jenna appears and all my feels return. That whole conversation between the two was so heart-wrenchingly painful to read. I don’t know what to say. I like how you made everything so awkward between the two because there is so much between them now, things that can’t really be ignored. Then, there’s the part when Jenna said that she wish he didn’t leave her. I seriously feel like that situation three years ago was a lose-lose thing. Staying caused Jenna a lot of pain, but leaving also caused Jenna pain. Either way, Jenna was in pain due to Eidan, and I seriously don’t think things could have ever been better. Maybe if Eidan had remained, the wound would have eventually healed and they wouldn’t be as distant from each other. But I don’t know. I seriously feel like these characters were going to have to deal with tragedy, no matter what. And that’s what makes these two’s story so much more tragic and ironic.

But anyways… as for musings about the plot: I really like how the plot is picking up! I’m excited for the upcoming chapters (and I shall definitely be devouring the last two chapters that have been updated thus far today). But the question that has been posed about Lucan makes me wonder… I do think he is being manipulated, and if the italicized sections are referring to him, then I think it’s the “savior” who is manipulating him. I would bet my money that “savior” is Ethel because she’s really starting to look like one of the major antagonists of this story. But I don’t know what she’s going to be doing. Or why she’s doing it. And how this all plays into the curse. This is getting so complex, and I am just excited to see how you’re able to wrap things up!

Thanks for the great read!

Signing off…

6/10/2013 c50 Vivace.Assai
Okay. I am rejuvenated and ready to write a review for this next chapter! I am doing this review as I read along, so don’t mind me if I end up asking weird questions that get answered later.

[To think that they met because he tried to kidnap her and give her to a bunch of dodgy men…] Haha… I still remember how these two met. But really, it is amazing how close Zeph and Jenna have become! I do enjoy how you’ve been able to slowly develop all of the characters and their relationships. Everything just happens so naturally that whenever I think about how everything was, I’m always shocked about it. The characters have gone a long way and their relationship dynamics have changed so much but in a very realistic manner.

[I mean, she literally acts like the nicest girl you'll ever meet, and then there's Caelum who could make babies cry if he just walks into the same room as them.] Zeph gets all the awards for his accurate description. But I do love how Caelum and Celeste are so different from each other but then they found loooovvveee. It’s just absolutely adorable and quaint and I am so happy that they get to be happy together now! Because they’ve been through A LOT of horrible stuff and I think they deserve a happy ending.

But Zeph is right. I MISS HAPPY JENNA SO MUCH. I mean, she was annoying, but happy Jenna was a part of lighter, happier days… when things were complex and weird but not as HEART-WRENCHINGLY TRAGIC as they are now. It’s a sad progression of things, but I guess it’s what must happen. All these experiences are bound to darken anybody’s personality. In fact, having Jenna become serious makes sense, after all that she’s been through. I still miss the old Jenna though. D: But it’s okay. At least Caelum and Celeste are happy, right?

[There were moments where she would dwell in her torturous silent thoughts and wonder if Caelum still secretly hated her, but she voiced none of them. Although the thought scared her, she knew that there must be some degree of him that still loathed her because of her mistakes.] NO CELESTE. I SWEAR, CAELUM LOVES YOU. YOU TWO WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER.

[And maybe I'll try and find Ula and Nuriel's descendants too. Even though I was never that close to them and they caused their own curse] OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. THIS IS THE PLOT OF THE SECOND STORY, ISN’T IT? I SWEAR YOU MIGHT HAVE ALLUDED THIS TO ME BEFORE BUT THIS IS THE PLOT OF THE SEQUEL, ISN’T IT?

WHAT IS SEPULCHRE? WHAT IS SEPULCHRE?

["I love you," he said, and she could feel the smile in his voice. / Her heart leapt. She wrapped her arms around his neck, unable to contain her elated giggles when he leaned down and started to pepper light kisses on her collarbone. / "I love you too," she told him, stroking his dark hair.] OH MY GOD. THIS SCENE IS JUST SO ADORABLE. I’m just so happy that they’re happy and ADJFSLKDJFLSDKJFLSDKFJSLDFJSDKLF…

[Zeph raised an eyebrow at her. "Do you plan on molesting me all day, Jenna?"] Haha, I love Zeph.

[Brown eyes looked over the roofs that towered over them. Peeking out of the alleyway, there were skyscrapers, so tall that it seemed they could stab straight into the underground layer of this kingdom. Towers with spiralling designs and machines dangling from them; lights and more lights blinking on and off, smoke billowing from chimneys.] BEAUTIFUL IMAGERY. I just love how you described the skyscrapers and lights.

[But most of all, she saw the arrow lodge itself into Celeste's chest.] Whoa… Wait… WHAT?

…
…
…
…

Um… so I’ve finished the chapter… and this is just sad. But it’s okay. It’s okay. I JUST WANTED CELESTE AND CAELUM TO BE TOGETHER SO BAD… SO BAD… *breaks into sobs*

*excuse Vivace as she struggles to regain her calm*
…
…

But anyways… instead of focusing on my feels, I’ll talk about the writing. You handled the death scene incredibly well. You managed to capture all the characters’ emotions pretty well, and the things that Celeste said were just golden (in that they were perfect for what was happening). There was definitely a great emotional effect to everything, which made what happened a lot more tragic.

As for the part with Eidan, that was so intense. But now Eidan knows the truth and it’s kind of tragic this has to happen. Killing Lucan probably won’t be difficult for Jenna to decide to do, since he’s kind of crossed the line with Celeste’s death. But killing Grace will be the big issue, since she’s definitely not an insane lunatic bent on killing everybody… at least not now. I wonder what’s going to happen, but I think Grace’s decision to tell the truth is really strong. I admire Grace—that she’s willing to do something that might take her life away just to help her brother. And maybe there’s a selfish reason behind it, but I still admire her nevertheless for that scene.

When Eidan stumbled upon the grave, I think that was a great segue to connect Eidan with the current events with the other group. And it made things beautifully tragic. The grave marker was just perfect.

Overall, brilliantly written (though quite depressing) chapter.

Going to try to read more tomorrow!

Signing off…

4/27/2013 c26 99Dreamers-Requiem
I think you could build up the events here a bit more, especially where she takes over Jenna's body and what she does to the king and his guards. She's meant to be, well, I guess pure good is the closest to describing it. So maybe just a little bit more inner conflict when she's doing what she does to the king? Overall, as always a really good chapter, and I'm loving the story. I'm going to take a wild guess at Aphyron being Lucan. The story itself is interesting and unique, and you've managed to create some very memorable characters.

4/16/2013 c15 1V.A. Wynteras
Hi! I apologize profusely for not reviewing in the previous 11 chapters (I was reading your story via cell phone-pain in the neck *scowls*) and please pardon me for that reason, but I am so drawn into the story, I seriously can not wait for more!
I seriously think that Zeph & Jenna are my favorite characters so far- Jenna; She is so adorable when she's the naïve and innocent character. I have to disagree with Zeph and Grace and all them for saying she's a waste of time- I'm pretty sure given the right circumstances, Jenna will find her strength and her will to fight...Please keep doing such a good job on her character. (That and she reminds me of myself; I have always depended on everyone else; spoiled no, innocent and naïve, yes. Stubborn, heck yes; Can't draw a weapon without inflicting self harm- yes again.)
Zeph: Zeph, Zeph, Zeph...Oh where are my words to describe the ex prince. Hm, I think he's just one of those hidden softies that have this really gritty and rough exterior that he basically had no choice to put up, but deep down, I would bet money from work that he is honestly a nice guy- albeit blunt and just plain stubborn, but he would be the kind of guy you would want as your friend on your side.

4/15/2013 c54 2CieloRayn
Hmm, interesting chapter indeed. I can understand the slow updates because I've been having the same problem lol. There were a couple minor spelling errors, but overall quite an interesting chapter ).