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2/4/2013 c53 Jane
Can't really blame Jenna for acting that way. SHE GOT RAPED! SHE WAS VIOLATED! Rape is a big deal, not something that you can be flippant about and just move on like it was nothing. Even though he wasn't himself when he did it, it was still his body that violated her in the worst way. And yes she's traumatised and she's not using it as an excuse. She might never get past what happened and you know what that's not her fault and it certainly doesn't make her selfish. It's not something you just get over because they used to be best friends or that he can't help his origins or because they share a child.
2/3/2013 c53 1illusionae
You have no idea how happy I was to see an update for this story since it's been a while. But after reading this chapter I'm not sure if I'm happy anymore! The part with Eidan and Jenna in the ballroom was just so sad and heartbreaking. I understand what Jenna has gone through has really affected her but I do wish that she wouldn't push away Eidan so much. He's really trying to get her back but she's too scared and she just says mean things and argh it's all so sad! I wish they would just end up together and Vincent will have a dad and they'll be a family!

I'm glad Lucan is back though. Really excited to read the next chapter because I'm guessing that it should be action packed if Lucan is involved.
2/3/2013 c53 v-n-ll-y
Yeah I'm really lazy these days when it comes to catching up with stories but I happened to be editing my review policy so I figured I might as well review this now.

I read this on my iPod the first time and I don't know that I really want to go look over the entire chapter again to do the usual nitpick thing so I'll probably keep that to a minimum. Instead I will just point out whatever stood out to me in this chapter.

[Jenna snapped. "No! You haven't even known him for two weeks! How would you know what my son would deserve? You have nothing to do with him!"]
-Well only except, you know, about half of his genes and existence.

["I deserve better than this curse and everything it has put me through.]
-Um, according to *you*, you deserve better, but what gives you that idea? Especially considering how dislikeable she's become since then, maybe she does deserve it. /shot

But seriously, still really not liking Jenna. Honestly, she might be thinking she deserves better, but now it really looks more like Eidan's the one who deserves better; it's not like it's his fault his origins are in darkness. And for someone who "belongs with the light", Jenna sure is a sulk. I get that she's still traumatised about the whole incident but now that's almost becoming an excuse for her to be selfish and I don't have any reason to warm to someone like that.

Your story is depressing. In case I never mentioned this before.

Lucan \o/ I still really want to know what happens with him because I still think he's innocent... ish... but he's been damaged by all the tragedies around him and has yielded to the darkness so at least so far he's still the character in whose resolution I'm most interested. If he dies I will find a sure way to get revenge, and you know I will. :Db

I don't know, wasn't a huge fan of all the stuff about the ball and dresses and suits and whatnot but I guess it does have to be there for transition purposes and such. I think maybe it's just me not really caring about clothes and parties so that's probably more of a personal view.

Things are moving along nicely though. Great to see this story has quite the fanbase as well, though I wouldn't say that comes as a surprise.

...That review still turned out long, didn't it. orz
2/3/2013 c53 findings
There is no words, this chapter was so emotional, I almost cried! I love, love, love it! Oh Jenna...I know it must be hard for her, but it upsets me that she's pushing Eidan away when he's just trying to correct his past. And the ending! omg...ugh Lucan!
2/3/2013 c53 Guest
This is so sad! I wish Jenna and Eidan would just get back together
2/3/2013 c53 3thenutrunningthenuthouse
Bhaahha I love that opening scene with Mana and Jenna. A ball? What a king to agree to that one! But great idea on your part - crazy stuff always happens at balls! It's also fascinating to see the character change within Jenna - I imagine she would've been liking the idea of the parties way back when. WHat a change!

Gahh, I love the way the Eidan/Jenna plot is going. It's very realistic considering the circumstances - there's no immediate happy ending for those two, and if it does come, it'll feel so much more well-deserved. Jenna's inner conflicts are also very cool to read about. I don't know about the rest of the readers, but I trust Eidan, and so their little corset scene was cute. It certainly doesn't allow Jenna to completely trust him, but I like the slow pace down the path to forgiveness.

Wow, yup, really loved this bit. I love the conflict with Eidan and Jenna, and I'm not sure I can even pick sides with how much I love those two. You created the drama so well, and I love how it led into finding Lucan. Oh Jenna, so you claim you don't need people but then you walk into the arms of potential death. How ironic. Or, well, could be ironic if Eidan comes out (and I have a feeling Jen may be able to handle herself).

But yeah, your characters are great, this story is crazy complicated but amazing, and when it finishes, I won't really know what to do besides beg you to give me a signed copy when it gets published. ;)
2/3/2013 c53 levisama
I'm at a loss. I'm not sure whether I feel sorry for Jenna or whether I hate her. I'm really sad that she said all those things to Eidan but you can tell just how much the rape has affected her psychologically. I feel so bad for Eidan though! The fact that he tried to argue with Jenna showed that he was really desperate. Oh I'm making myself sad by writing this review. Everything is just so sad now. Lucan is back now too so I'm worried what the next chapter will be like. Please update soon!
2/3/2013 c53 3junebird28
I love, love, love this story. It's been a while though, since the last update, but I'm glad you're getting it done when you can.

As awful as what Eidan did to Jenna was, I feel so awful for him. And Jenna. It's just such a complicated situation. Eidan is such a good soul and he would never do anything to hurt Jenna on purpose, but he had without knowing. Now he has to live with the guilt for that, because obviously, he knows that regardless of whether it was purposeful or not, he still hurt her. Jenna, on the other hand, has to live with the guilt of pushing him away, even though, that even isn't her fault. Anybody would feel so conflicted with that kind of thing. I can't say I didn't get excited when she picked up the necklace, though. But she wouldn't be able to forgive him that easily, that much is evident. As much as I do like that Jenna is stronger now, I miss the old Jenna too. She was so sweet and innocent. It's like the personality that was in her transferred into Vincent now.

Anyways, I think you're doing a fantastic job with carrying this story. Normally, 50 chapters in, I would start thinking the story needs to end, but with this one, I don't really want it to and there's still so much that needs to be answered and finished that it really can't right now. So, my heart breaks for Eidan and Jenna and all I can hope for now is a happy ending and a quick update!
1/30/2013 c52 11kiwi.boba
It's so difficult to find fantasy stories with a decent plot and writing style, so I'm so glad I ran into yours! Shoot girl, talk about complex. I love it!

I had an idea of starting my own fantasy story with the idea
1/29/2013 c1 witeaya
saw a recommendation for this story.
so im putting this on will read sounds good.
1/28/2013 c52 xDoubleU
I.. I.. I don't know, I just.. I don't know. I'm speechless. Blah, argh, umm..

Alright. Alright, alright, alright..


Everything's changed, and it's so different and ugh, I hate time skips because they're just too sad, and I feel empty while reading them because everything's so different and time's passed and they grow up and just wow.

I'm not sure where to begin. I just want to keep typing all of my jumbled thoughts and leave you to decipher whatever the hell I'm saying because my thoughts are currently all over the place, but I'm going to try to keep this organized and logical, but I don't know where to begin and so, I'll begin with the beginning.

First of all, let me just say that I lovelovelove the title of the story. It's so.. blah, enigmatically magical, for a lack of a better term. And I love the beginning of the story with the italics. It was honestly what hooked me. I was just lazily going through the stories of Fictionpress, and I clicked on this one, and my eyes widened and I just knew I was going to love this. The first chapter was excellent (and the second one, and the third, and the one after that..), and I liked the fact that Eidan name wasn't mentioned, and though I knew it was definitely going to be Eidan, I liked entertaining the idea of someone else being the guy instead of him (so that I would be at least a bit surprised :P).

I've never been annoyed with Jenna (apart from now but it's understandable why she's acting the way she is but I just can't help being annoyed with her) despite being a spoiled naive little girl. I actually liked her personality. It was different. I don't know, I just liked how she was so honest and open. I didn't really like how she changed because she's so different now, but there were very few instances where I could glimpse the old her. I just.. I fell like she's stronger but weaker in a way. And I disliked how she acted when Eidan left because she didn't really give him the benefit of the doubt but I guess it was because of what happened to her that she completely assumed he left her. She's so different. I'm trying to connect her with the younger Jenna, but it's not so easy. I hated the fact that she told Eidan to keep away from his own child, I really, really hated that because oh, I don't know, you're okay with Caelum being around Vincent but not Eidan? His own father? Blah, I want to read more of the new Jenna to have a better understanding of her. Misfortune still surrounds her, and I just really feel sad for her because she's been through a lot and rape? Her own best friend (even if he wasn't conscious of his actions) raped her and that's so horrifying. It's scary, and it's horrifying and she was just seventeen year old young optimistic Jenna, and oh my God, she's strong for not breaking completely apart..

Eidan.. His story is just too sad. I don't know. I pity him. Whenever I think of Eidan, I just have this picture of him standing surrounded by darkness and alone. I really love him, and I can't help but feel sorry for him. Misfortune surrounds him just as well. Eidan always ends up in messes and trouble, and he's innocent (despite being a shadow). Ugh, I really like him because he's very protective of Jenna and he loves her sososo much and gah, I think he'd die of guilt and regret soon. What he did was absolutely atrocious, and it wasn't him. He wouldn't ever dream of doing it, but it -was- him. And that's just heartbreaking. Ugh. Anyway, I love his personality and his past. I loved how he was so polite, calling Jenna 'Princess' and how he changed and reverted back to calling her by her name. Andandand I loved it whenever he was jealous.

I honestly love Eidan and Jenna's relationship. They fit. I was absolutely ecstatic when they finally kissed, they were so hesitant and cute and oh, I was so happy they confessed their feelings (even though it was not the right time, and it was definitely not a good time to kiss afterwards, either). They really fit together and belong together and that's just so sad and tragic because of what happened. It's honestly sad because blargh they love each other so, so much, and I suspected that he probably raped her ('love turns into lust' and she was puking, so I thought she was pregnant because of -that-) but I still can't believe what happened because ugh it's just so sad. Ugh. Anyway, I loved their relationship throughout the story. I loved their friendship and how that slowly morphed and changed and they loved each other so much, how could you?! D':

I love Zeph, and I remember there were these tiny small moments at first where I wanted him to be with Jenna just because :P I really like his attitude even though it sometimes gets annoying, and I just want to punch him or something. It's weird because I started loving Zeph, and then slowly hating him, and then I went back to loving him again. He was just so irritating and ignorant, but I still like him because you just can't hate him for long. I like Mana, too, and I loved their reunion despite how heartbreaking it was, but at first I disliked her because she was being hypocritical, but soon I started liking her again.

Lucan's just tragedy. He killed everyone he touched (like how Eidan killed everyone he locked eyes with), he was kidnapped for two years, he loved someone who didn't love him, he grew insane, and he lost himself. He's gone. I pity him (much like how I pity everyone else). I really liked him. He was cute and polite. And now I wonder if it's even him. I mean, it's really not Lucan anymore and I despise Ethel for making him go insane. I hated what he did to Grace, too (but I thought it was a clever moment that showed exactly how he changed and how cold and cruel he became). That moment when he found out about his murdered mother was just heartbreaking. It really was so, so sad.. I'm glad Grace embraced him. And I dreaded the moment when Eidan and Jenna would go to Marniolle once Lucan told Grace of their way of execution! I just didn't think it would end up happening that way.. I thought it was funny how Grace slowly became nicer and how he turned cruel, and they grew closer while they were changing. I hated Grace at first but not anymore. She's just a poor little girl, and that's pretty much how I view her now.

Ethel and Lacie. I think they're both the same. Eidan and Lucan's families almost mirror each other, and whenever one of those two girls came up, I would think of the other. They're really similar. Both took their brother's curse, and both were enigmatic and strange, and I think both were manipulative (I'm not that sure of Lacie). Ethel, of course, is more evil, and I think she's more clever. I like how manipulative she is, and I like her despite my hatred of her (?). She's pretty much darkness. I haven't seen enough of Lacie to know exactly how she is, and how I feel towards her, and I'm not yet sure if she deliberately killed herself to save her brother or.. I don't know.

I really like Caelum and Celeste. I like Caelum a bit more because of his attitude. Their (somewhat destructive) relationship is beautiful and tragic. That moment when Celeste died and Caelum was there crying and begging just about broke my heart. The words he engraved on her tombstone broke my heart, as well D': Their whole situation is heartbreaking and ugh. I really like Caelum.

Now that I think about it, Jenna pictured her and Eidan's baby like a day or so before that thing that shall not be named happened..

Anywaysss.. as I said before I like the italics at the start and end of each chapter. I think Lucan's the one talking now, but I'm not sure about the one before him.

I've noticed that there were a few typos and missing words. They're not a lot, though. The typos were mostly 'their' instead of 'they're', or once it was 'sooth' instead of 'soothe' and more recently, 'his' instead of 'this'. The missing words are a bit harder to remember and harder to ignore since I'd have to substitute them. But the chapters are long, and they're not much and of course some of them would fly under the radar.

Blah. I had a lot more to say, but I've forgotten the things I planned to write.. Oh well.

So, I really love this story. It's brilliant, and the characters are unique, and their actions were mostly realistic. It's one of the few stories in which I rarely hated the events that occurred. And I can't wait for my lazy-ass best friend to read this, so I can fangirl with her and such.

I honestly can't wait for the next chapter (and the rest of the chapters).

- Waad, or xDoubleU.
1/25/2013 c26 xDoubleU
Alright, I'll hopefully write a better and longer (much longer) review later on, but I just can't stop myself right now.

I kept talking and talking about this story to my friend (and I would show you the conversation, so that you'd know how much I'm loving this story, but it's in Arabic and I'm not sure if you understand the language, but you could probably understand the emotions and hearts and the link to this story and I'm babbling), and because of my constant chattering about this story, she finally decided to start reading it, but she wanted me to stop so that she would catch up (and I can't do that. I can't possibly do that, for I love this story too much), but she felt guilty and told me I can continue and I should probably feel guilty because I plan on reading anyway, and oh my God, where has this been all my life?

I've never said this to you, but I think I love you (and your story) and we should be friends :D

I was trying on dresses yesterday, one was gold and light and the other was dark and black, and I just kept thinking of the Light and Dark kingdoms and oh my God, I'm obsessed and I'm sorry you had to read this.

Asdfghjkl. I'll just hit 'Post Review' before I back out and delete this jumble and mess, and I really do love your story.
1/8/2013 c1 11Kay Iscah
One of my biggest pet peeves is seeing the pronoun "I" lower case...however, this opening didn't bug me so much though cause the use seemed very deliberate for effect. The bolding is interesting too, because it invites a double reading.

On Grammar:

You're missing a comma in most of your compound sentences, and then you've put them in sentences like [She stopped looking at them, and dropped her eyes onto her worn feet.] Where they're not needed.

I'm remembering why I usually prefer to skip prologues. It often feels like I'm reading the story backwards and spoils things that should be a surprise. And in this case, doesn't really excite me about the story...not that I've taken an instant dislike to the characters or anything, but I don't want to get to like these people just to read about their unpleasant firey deaths.

Either they did nothing wrong, and they're innocents being burned to death (not fun). Or they did do bad things but are in complete denial about it (also not particularly fun...)

I may come back after I get through the current multi-chapter story that I'm reading and give Chapter 1 a try, simply because 273,000 words implies a certain level of dedication. But I thought I'd give you this feedback, since similiar prologues have made me stick books I otherwise might have read back on the shelf at the bookstore.
12/28/2012 c52 v-n-ll-y
Yay I love how everyone tells each other the important information AFTER like three years -; Like you know, not like it's a delayed revelation of what Eidan did or a delayed explanation of why he left. Also can I just point out how it's really ironic that Jenna was the perverted one imagining making babies with Eidan?

I was expecting worse from Jenna this chapter, but it seems the worst will come later (although it WAS bad. Let's all just go tell everyone to kill their sisters yaayyy). At least here I find her reaction realistic; after all, she and Eidan were in love before that incident so it's only natural that she's feeling conflicted like this. At least now it's clarified that Eidan clearly did not do it on purpose, but it's realistic that she can't forgive him that easily because it is a pretty traumatic experience. She does want to understand though, which is different to how she was before he came back; where she felt like she would rather not hear an explanation.

Yeah so about Vincent living a normal life? Might as well hire Gwen and Morgan as babysitters while you're at it. At least, they'll be involved somehow in the future if they're in the sequel. But anyway, it was interesting to see Eidan and Vincent interact. Though I think you might elaborate a bit more on Eidan's thoughts there since he would still be kind of shocked realising that Vincent is his sonson. (On a side note I think most kiddies start talking at about two... though I don't know how advanced their ability is by the age of three...)

And I was still sticking with my theory about Lucan being possessed... Although it seems more readers want him dead than restored because killing characters solves all sorts of problems \o/ I hope Jenna will think differently about killing Lucan now since she knows that he's possessed. Killing is not really like her, after all, even if she's grown from her younger self. And hmm, I'd never really considered Lucan not being human if he's a clone. So interesting point raised there.

So Ethel is still the big bad at this point in time (lol at Zeph's comment :'D). I don't think she was ever not suspicious. Wonder what it is that she's after that she doesn't mind manipulating just about everybody.

Notes and stuff:

[Vincent was just a child born into this curse; he deserved a life of peace and happiness, unlike what his parents had been forced to savage through in recent years.]
-Would revise use of 'savage' here; it doesn't seem appropriate for the context, since as a verb it usually means to maul something and is usually used as a transitive verb.

[when his father was the prince of the shadows, a creature feared by humans today?]
[Was it possible for Vincent to lead a normal life if he was half human, half shadow?]
["Vincent is half-human, half-shadow," Jenna blurted out.]
-Since Shadow is used as the name of Eidan's race(?) it would be a proper noun (ie capitalised); as far as I know, that's been consistent until this chapter.

[The God frowned. "How do you know about that?"]
-'God' isn't being used as a proper noun in this context (it refers to what Caelum is rather than who he is) so I would probably leave it in lowercase.

["Ah," Caelum slowly nodded, letting the short subject drop.]
-Dialogue should end with a full stop since nodding isn't a verbal action (like mumbling or laughing).

[She was about to retort with something that sounded equally as angry, but Mana's words sunk into her.]
-Would suggest replacing 'sunk' since it's the past participle form and the simple past form 'sank' would be more appropriate in the context of the sentence.

[Jenna was only seventeen when it happened. Seventeen. And he had left her to take care of a baby for three years.]
-Correct me if I'm wrong but I think you previously mentioned around a year had passed since Jenna's seventeenth birthday, so she should have been closer to eighteen. Not that it makes the situation less bad. Just story consistency.

Hmm that's probably it for nitpicks. Anyway things are developing quickly and I'm curious to see how things will play out before the story ends.
12/27/2012 c52 levisama
Vincent. Is. Adorable. It's even MORE cuter to read about Eidan's reactions to his son because it's so obvious that the poor guy wants to know more about Vincent. I wonder if Vincent's ever questioned who his dad is. Usually, they would be aware of mums and dads at this age so the question must have popped up before. I can understand Jenna's actions though. Even if Eidan didn't mean it, rape is still a hard thing to forgive. Such a good chapter as per usual, please update soon!
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