2/26/2013 c53 DutchAver
You surely are a heartbreaker. This chapter was unbelievably sad ;_; I'm all for romances like Jenna and Eidan's, but... they technically broke up again. And the worst thing is that it's not because of what Eidan has done to Jenna, but simply because she feels that they don't belong together. Absolutely heartbreaking.
Some positive things: I really liked how you described Jenna in this chapter as someone who became a mother too soon. She's still nothing but a kid at some times and not even close to finishing growing up herself, but later in the chapter, she does act like a proper mother. I like how you describe two completely different aspects of her but still keep her in character. She's grown up, but she hasn't grown up so much that it isn't unrealistic. I'm impressed!
Your cliffhanger is terrible and I have to read on. And also because I can't believe that they'll split up. I just refuse to. They HAVE to get back together in some way. I don't care how.
Keep writing!

2/4/2013 c53 Jane
Can't really blame Jenna for acting that way. SHE GOT RAPED! SHE WAS VIOLATED! Rape is a big deal, not something that you can be flippant about and just move on like it was nothing. Even though he wasn't himself when he did it, it was still his body that violated her in the worst way. And yes she's traumatised and she's not using it as an excuse. She might never get past what happened and you know what that's not her fault and it certainly doesn't make her selfish. It's not something you just get over because they used to be best friends or that he can't help his origins or because they share a child.

2/3/2013 c53 v-n-ll-y
Yeah I'm really lazy these days when it comes to catching up with stories but I happened to be editing my review policy so I figured I might as well review this now.

I read this on my iPod the first time and I don't know that I really want to go look over the entire chapter again to do the usual nitpick thing so I'll probably keep that to a minimum. Instead I will just point out whatever stood out to me in this chapter.

[Jenna snapped. "No! You haven't even known him for two weeks! How would you know what my son would deserve? You have nothing to do with him!"]
-Well only except, you know, about half of his genes and existence.

["I deserve better than this curse and everything it has put me through.]
-Um, according to *you*, you deserve better, but what gives you that idea? Especially considering how dislikeable she's become since then, maybe she does deserve it. /shot

But seriously, still really not liking Jenna. Honestly, she might be thinking she deserves better, but now it really looks more like Eidan's the one who deserves better; it's not like it's his fault his origins are in darkness. And for someone who "belongs with the light", Jenna sure is a sulk. I get that she's still traumatised about the whole incident but now that's almost becoming an excuse for her to be selfish and I don't have any reason to warm to someone like that.

Your story is depressing. In case I never mentioned this before.

Lucan \o/ I still really want to know what happens with him because I still think he's innocent... ish... but he's been damaged by all the tragedies around him and has yielded to the darkness so at least so far he's still the character in whose resolution I'm most interested. If he dies I will find a sure way to get revenge, and you know I will. :Db

I don't know, wasn't a huge fan of all the stuff about the ball and dresses and suits and whatnot but I guess it does have to be there for transition purposes and such. I think maybe it's just me not really caring about clothes and parties so that's probably more of a personal view.

Things are moving along nicely though. Great to see this story has quite the fanbase as well, though I wouldn't say that comes as a surprise.

...That review still turned out long, didn't it. orz

2/3/2013 c53 Guest
This is so sad! I wish Jenna and Eidan would just get back together

2/3/2013 c53 levisama
I'm at a loss. I'm not sure whether I feel sorry for Jenna or whether I hate her. I'm really sad that she said all those things to Eidan but you can tell just how much the rape has affected her psychologically. I feel so bad for Eidan though! The fact that he tried to argue with Jenna showed that he was really desperate. Oh I'm making myself sad by writing this review. Everything is just so sad now. Lucan is back now too so I'm worried what the next chapter will be like. Please update soon!

1/30/2013 c52 11kiwi.boba
It's so difficult to find fantasy stories with a decent plot and writing style, so I'm so glad I ran into yours! Shoot girl, talk about complex. I love it!

I had an idea of starting my own fantasy story with the idea

1/28/2013 c52 xDoubleU
I.. I.. I don't know, I just.. I don't know. I'm speechless. Blah, argh, umm..

Alright. Alright, alright, alright..

Wow.

Everything's changed, and it's so different and ugh, I hate time skips because they're just too sad, and I feel empty while reading them because everything's so different and time's passed and they grow up and just wow.

I'm not sure where to begin. I just want to keep typing all of my jumbled thoughts and leave you to decipher whatever the hell I'm saying because my thoughts are currently all over the place, but I'm going to try to keep this organized and logical, but I don't know where to begin and so, I'll begin with the beginning.

First of all, let me just say that I lovelovelove the title of the story. It's so.. blah, enigmatically magical, for a lack of a better term. And I love the beginning of the story with the italics. It was honestly what hooked me. I was just lazily going through the stories of Fictionpress, and I clicked on this one, and my eyes widened and I just knew I was going to love this. The first chapter was excellent (and the second one, and the third, and the one after that..), and I liked the fact that Eidan name wasn't mentioned, and though I knew it was definitely going to be Eidan, I liked entertaining the idea of someone else being the guy instead of him (so that I would be at least a bit surprised :P).

I've never been annoyed with Jenna (apart from now but it's understandable why she's acting the way she is but I just can't help being annoyed with her) despite being a spoiled naive little girl. I actually liked her personality. It was different. I don't know, I just liked how she was so honest and open. I didn't really like how she changed because she's so different now, but there were very few instances where I could glimpse the old her. I just.. I fell like she's stronger but weaker in a way. And I disliked how she acted when Eidan left because she didn't really give him the benefit of the doubt but I guess it was because of what happened to her that she completely assumed he left her. She's so different. I'm trying to connect her with the younger Jenna, but it's not so easy. I hated the fact that she told Eidan to keep away from his own child, I really, really hated that because oh, I don't know, you're okay with Caelum being around Vincent but not Eidan? His own father? Blah, I want to read more of the new Jenna to have a better understanding of her. Misfortune still surrounds her, and I just really feel sad for her because she's been through a lot and rape? Her own best friend (even if he wasn't conscious of his actions) raped her and that's so horrifying. It's scary, and it's horrifying and she was just seventeen year old young optimistic Jenna, and oh my God, she's strong for not breaking completely apart..

Eidan.. His story is just too sad. I don't know. I pity him. Whenever I think of Eidan, I just have this picture of him standing surrounded by darkness and alone. I really love him, and I can't help but feel sorry for him. Misfortune surrounds him just as well. Eidan always ends up in messes and trouble, and he's innocent (despite being a shadow). Ugh, I really like him because he's very protective of Jenna and he loves her sososo much and gah, I think he'd die of guilt and regret soon. What he did was absolutely atrocious, and it wasn't him. He wouldn't ever dream of doing it, but it -was- him. And that's just heartbreaking. Ugh. Anyway, I love his personality and his past. I loved how he was so polite, calling Jenna 'Princess' and how he changed and reverted back to calling her by her name. Andandand I loved it whenever he was jealous.

I honestly love Eidan and Jenna's relationship. They fit. I was absolutely ecstatic when they finally kissed, they were so hesitant and cute and oh, I was so happy they confessed their feelings (even though it was not the right time, and it was definitely not a good time to kiss afterwards, either). They really fit together and belong together and that's just so sad and tragic because of what happened. It's honestly sad because blargh they love each other so, so much, and I suspected that he probably raped her ('love turns into lust' and she was puking, so I thought she was pregnant because of -that-) but I still can't believe what happened because ugh it's just so sad. Ugh. Anyway, I loved their relationship throughout the story. I loved their friendship and how that slowly morphed and changed and they loved each other so much, how could you?! D':

I love Zeph, and I remember there were these tiny small moments at first where I wanted him to be with Jenna just because :P I really like his attitude even though it sometimes gets annoying, and I just want to punch him or something. It's weird because I started loving Zeph, and then slowly hating him, and then I went back to loving him again. He was just so irritating and ignorant, but I still like him because you just can't hate him for long. I like Mana, too, and I loved their reunion despite how heartbreaking it was, but at first I disliked her because she was being hypocritical, but soon I started liking her again.

Lucan's just tragedy. He killed everyone he touched (like how Eidan killed everyone he locked eyes with), he was kidnapped for two years, he loved someone who didn't love him, he grew insane, and he lost himself. He's gone. I pity him (much like how I pity everyone else). I really liked him. He was cute and polite. And now I wonder if it's even him. I mean, it's really not Lucan anymore and I despise Ethel for making him go insane. I hated what he did to Grace, too (but I thought it was a clever moment that showed exactly how he changed and how cold and cruel he became). That moment when he found out about his murdered mother was just heartbreaking. It really was so, so sad.. I'm glad Grace embraced him. And I dreaded the moment when Eidan and Jenna would go to Marniolle once Lucan told Grace of their way of execution! I just didn't think it would end up happening that way.. I thought it was funny how Grace slowly became nicer and how he turned cruel, and they grew closer while they were changing. I hated Grace at first but not anymore. She's just a poor little girl, and that's pretty much how I view her now.

Ethel and Lacie. I think they're both the same. Eidan and Lucan's families almost mirror each other, and whenever one of those two girls came up, I would think of the other. They're really similar. Both took their brother's curse, and both were enigmatic and strange, and I think both were manipulative (I'm not that sure of Lacie). Ethel, of course, is more evil, and I think she's more clever. I like how manipulative she is, and I like her despite my hatred of her (?). She's pretty much darkness. I haven't seen enough of Lacie to know exactly how she is, and how I feel towards her, and I'm not yet sure if she deliberately killed herself to save her brother or.. I don't know.

I really like Caelum and Celeste. I like Caelum a bit more because of his attitude. Their (somewhat destructive) relationship is beautiful and tragic. That moment when Celeste died and Caelum was there crying and begging just about broke my heart. The words he engraved on her tombstone broke my heart, as well D': Their whole situation is heartbreaking and ugh. I really like Caelum.

Now that I think about it, Jenna pictured her and Eidan's baby like a day or so before that thing that shall not be named happened..

Anywaysss.. as I said before I like the italics at the start and end of each chapter. I think Lucan's the one talking now, but I'm not sure about the one before him.

I've noticed that there were a few typos and missing words. They're not a lot, though. The typos were mostly 'their' instead of 'they're', or once it was 'sooth' instead of 'soothe' and more recently, 'his' instead of 'this'. The missing words are a bit harder to remember and harder to ignore since I'd have to substitute them. But the chapters are long, and they're not much and of course some of them would fly under the radar.

Blah. I had a lot more to say, but I've forgotten the things I planned to write.. Oh well.

So, I really love this story. It's brilliant, and the characters are unique, and their actions were mostly realistic. It's one of the few stories in which I rarely hated the events that occurred. And I can't wait for my lazy-ass best friend to read this, so I can fangirl with her and such.

I honestly can't wait for the next chapter (and the rest of the chapters).

- Waad, or xDoubleU.

1/8/2013 c1 8Kay Iscah
One of my biggest pet peeves is seeing the pronoun "I" lower case...however, this opening didn't bug me so much though cause the use seemed very deliberate for effect. The bolding is interesting too, because it invites a double reading.

On Grammar:

You're missing a comma in most of your compound sentences, and then you've put them in sentences like [She stopped looking at them, and dropped her eyes onto her worn feet.] Where they're not needed.

I'm remembering why I usually prefer to skip prologues. It often feels like I'm reading the story backwards and spoils things that should be a surprise. And in this case, doesn't really excite me about the story...not that I've taken an instant dislike to the characters or anything, but I don't want to get to like these people just to read about their unpleasant firey deaths.

Either they did nothing wrong, and they're innocents being burned to death (not fun). Or they did do bad things but are in complete denial about it (also not particularly fun...)

I may come back after I get through the current multi-chapter story that I'm reading and give Chapter 1 a try, simply because 273,000 words implies a certain level of dedication. But I thought I'd give you this feedback, since similiar prologues have made me stick books I otherwise might have read back on the shelf at the bookstore.