for Penumbrae12/28/2012 c52 v-n-ll-y
Yay I love how everyone tells each other the important information AFTER like three years -; Like you know, not like it's a delayed revelation of what Eidan did or a delayed explanation of why he left. Also can I just point out how it's really ironic that Jenna was the perverted one imagining making babies with Eidan?
I was expecting worse from Jenna this chapter, but it seems the worst will come later (although it WAS bad. Let's all just go tell everyone to kill their sisters yaayyy). At least here I find her reaction realistic; after all, she and Eidan were in love before that incident so it's only natural that she's feeling conflicted like this. At least now it's clarified that Eidan clearly did not do it on purpose, but it's realistic that she can't forgive him that easily because it is a pretty traumatic experience. She does want to understand though, which is different to how she was before he came back; where she felt like she would rather not hear an explanation.
Yeah so about Vincent living a normal life? Might as well hire Gwen and Morgan as babysitters while you're at it. At least, they'll be involved somehow in the future if they're in the sequel. But anyway, it was interesting to see Eidan and Vincent interact. Though I think you might elaborate a bit more on Eidan's thoughts there since he would still be kind of shocked realising that Vincent is his sonson. (On a side note I think most kiddies start talking at about two... though I don't know how advanced their ability is by the age of three...)
And I was still sticking with my theory about Lucan being possessed... Although it seems more readers want him dead than restored because killing characters solves all sorts of problems \o/ I hope Jenna will think differently about killing Lucan now since she knows that he's possessed. Killing is not really like her, after all, even if she's grown from her younger self. And hmm, I'd never really considered Lucan not being human if he's a clone. So interesting point raised there.
So Ethel is still the big bad at this point in time (lol at Zeph's comment :'D). I don't think she was ever not suspicious. Wonder what it is that she's after that she doesn't mind manipulating just about everybody.
Notes and stuff:
[Vincent was just a child born into this curse; he deserved a life of peace and happiness, unlike what his parents had been forced to savage through in recent years.]
-Would revise use of 'savage' here; it doesn't seem appropriate for the context, since as a verb it usually means to maul something and is usually used as a transitive verb.
[when his father was the prince of the shadows, a creature feared by humans today?]
[Was it possible for Vincent to lead a normal life if he was half human, half shadow?]
["Vincent is half-human, half-shadow," Jenna blurted out.]
-Since Shadow is used as the name of Eidan's race(?) it would be a proper noun (ie capitalised); as far as I know, that's been consistent until this chapter.
[The God frowned. "How do you know about that?"]
-'God' isn't being used as a proper noun in this context (it refers to what Caelum is rather than who he is) so I would probably leave it in lowercase.
["Ah," Caelum slowly nodded, letting the short subject drop.]
-Dialogue should end with a full stop since nodding isn't a verbal action (like mumbling or laughing).
[She was about to retort with something that sounded equally as angry, but Mana's words sunk into her.]
-Would suggest replacing 'sunk' since it's the past participle form and the simple past form 'sank' would be more appropriate in the context of the sentence.
[Jenna was only seventeen when it happened. Seventeen. And he had left her to take care of a baby for three years.]
-Correct me if I'm wrong but I think you previously mentioned around a year had passed since Jenna's seventeenth birthday, so she should have been closer to eighteen. Not that it makes the situation less bad. Just story consistency.
Hmm that's probably it for nitpicks. Anyway things are developing quickly and I'm curious to see how things will play out before the story ends.
Yay I love how everyone tells each other the important information AFTER like three years -; Like you know, not like it's a delayed revelation of what Eidan did or a delayed explanation of why he left. Also can I just point out how it's really ironic that Jenna was the perverted one imagining making babies with Eidan?
I was expecting worse from Jenna this chapter, but it seems the worst will come later (although it WAS bad. Let's all just go tell everyone to kill their sisters yaayyy). At least here I find her reaction realistic; after all, she and Eidan were in love before that incident so it's only natural that she's feeling conflicted like this. At least now it's clarified that Eidan clearly did not do it on purpose, but it's realistic that she can't forgive him that easily because it is a pretty traumatic experience. She does want to understand though, which is different to how she was before he came back; where she felt like she would rather not hear an explanation.
Yeah so about Vincent living a normal life? Might as well hire Gwen and Morgan as babysitters while you're at it. At least, they'll be involved somehow in the future if they're in the sequel. But anyway, it was interesting to see Eidan and Vincent interact. Though I think you might elaborate a bit more on Eidan's thoughts there since he would still be kind of shocked realising that Vincent is his sonson. (On a side note I think most kiddies start talking at about two... though I don't know how advanced their ability is by the age of three...)
And I was still sticking with my theory about Lucan being possessed... Although it seems more readers want him dead than restored because killing characters solves all sorts of problems \o/ I hope Jenna will think differently about killing Lucan now since she knows that he's possessed. Killing is not really like her, after all, even if she's grown from her younger self. And hmm, I'd never really considered Lucan not being human if he's a clone. So interesting point raised there.
So Ethel is still the big bad at this point in time (lol at Zeph's comment :'D). I don't think she was ever not suspicious. Wonder what it is that she's after that she doesn't mind manipulating just about everybody.
Notes and stuff:
[Vincent was just a child born into this curse; he deserved a life of peace and happiness, unlike what his parents had been forced to savage through in recent years.]
-Would revise use of 'savage' here; it doesn't seem appropriate for the context, since as a verb it usually means to maul something and is usually used as a transitive verb.
[when his father was the prince of the shadows, a creature feared by humans today?]
[Was it possible for Vincent to lead a normal life if he was half human, half shadow?]
["Vincent is half-human, half-shadow," Jenna blurted out.]
-Since Shadow is used as the name of Eidan's race(?) it would be a proper noun (ie capitalised); as far as I know, that's been consistent until this chapter.
[The God frowned. "How do you know about that?"]
-'God' isn't being used as a proper noun in this context (it refers to what Caelum is rather than who he is) so I would probably leave it in lowercase.
["Ah," Caelum slowly nodded, letting the short subject drop.]
-Dialogue should end with a full stop since nodding isn't a verbal action (like mumbling or laughing).
[She was about to retort with something that sounded equally as angry, but Mana's words sunk into her.]
-Would suggest replacing 'sunk' since it's the past participle form and the simple past form 'sank' would be more appropriate in the context of the sentence.
[Jenna was only seventeen when it happened. Seventeen. And he had left her to take care of a baby for three years.]
-Correct me if I'm wrong but I think you previously mentioned around a year had passed since Jenna's seventeenth birthday, so she should have been closer to eighteen. Not that it makes the situation less bad. Just story consistency.
Hmm that's probably it for nitpicks. Anyway things are developing quickly and I'm curious to see how things will play out before the story ends.
12/27/2012 c52 levisama
Vincent. Is. Adorable. It's even MORE cuter to read about Eidan's reactions to his son because it's so obvious that the poor guy wants to know more about Vincent. I wonder if Vincent's ever questioned who his dad is. Usually, they would be aware of mums and dads at this age so the question must have popped up before. I can understand Jenna's actions though. Even if Eidan didn't mean it, rape is still a hard thing to forgive. Such a good chapter as per usual, please update soon!
Vincent. Is. Adorable. It's even MORE cuter to read about Eidan's reactions to his son because it's so obvious that the poor guy wants to know more about Vincent. I wonder if Vincent's ever questioned who his dad is. Usually, they would be aware of mums and dads at this age so the question must have popped up before. I can understand Jenna's actions though. Even if Eidan didn't mean it, rape is still a hard thing to forgive. Such a good chapter as per usual, please update soon!
12/27/2012 c51 levisama
I had a feeling this might happen but it's still very shocking THAT JENNA AND EIDAN ACTUALLY HAD SEX. I'm guessing it was during that time when Eidan was controlled by darkness so it probably wasn't gentle and loving but probably more scary on Jenna's part, but still. The fight scene between Lucan and Eidan was awesome but I am wondering how Lucan got really powerful all of a sudden... Off to read the next chapter now! Congrats on over one thousand reviews by the way!
I had a feeling this might happen but it's still very shocking THAT JENNA AND EIDAN ACTUALLY HAD SEX. I'm guessing it was during that time when Eidan was controlled by darkness so it probably wasn't gentle and loving but probably more scary on Jenna's part, but still. The fight scene between Lucan and Eidan was awesome but I am wondering how Lucan got really powerful all of a sudden... Off to read the next chapter now! Congrats on over one thousand reviews by the way!
12/27/2012 c52 DutchAver
For a moment there, I was afraid that Jenna would fall in Eidan's arms and everything was forgiven in a heartbeat. I'm so glad that you decided to keep it realistic and have them still distrust each other a little. Though 'glad' is probably a rather poor choice of words, because them being worlds apart is still really, really sad.
As the story progresses, I begin to hate Ethel more and more as she begins to reveal her true colours, the colours of a manipulative bitch, more and more. I start to think that she doesn't actually care about the curse and is trying to gain her own benefit somehow. And yes, Morgan's words are still echoing in my head. Ethel is the enemy. And I think it is very, very likely that she's the one to open the darkness for Lucan in order to make it hard for the party. Or, maybe, easy for Jenna to kill him - that would be the most friendly explanation of her actions, but not one I'm buying so far.
Jenna herself seems to get pretty dark herself too, but she's got a fairly good reason to hate Eidan. I have the feeling that him returning has utterly broken her because she doesn't want Vincent to meet his father, and that she pretty much counted on him being dead. Again, it seems fairly likely that they'll need to take a few chapters to warm up to each other.
One mistake:
'He's a danger to everyone at the state he's in."' IN the state he's in
Update soon! Am I right in saying that the story's winding down?
For a moment there, I was afraid that Jenna would fall in Eidan's arms and everything was forgiven in a heartbeat. I'm so glad that you decided to keep it realistic and have them still distrust each other a little. Though 'glad' is probably a rather poor choice of words, because them being worlds apart is still really, really sad.
As the story progresses, I begin to hate Ethel more and more as she begins to reveal her true colours, the colours of a manipulative bitch, more and more. I start to think that she doesn't actually care about the curse and is trying to gain her own benefit somehow. And yes, Morgan's words are still echoing in my head. Ethel is the enemy. And I think it is very, very likely that she's the one to open the darkness for Lucan in order to make it hard for the party. Or, maybe, easy for Jenna to kill him - that would be the most friendly explanation of her actions, but not one I'm buying so far.
Jenna herself seems to get pretty dark herself too, but she's got a fairly good reason to hate Eidan. I have the feeling that him returning has utterly broken her because she doesn't want Vincent to meet his father, and that she pretty much counted on him being dead. Again, it seems fairly likely that they'll need to take a few chapters to warm up to each other.
One mistake:
'He's a danger to everyone at the state he's in."' IN the state he's in
Update soon! Am I right in saying that the story's winding down?
12/26/2012 c52 
3junebird28
Gahhhh! oh my God, so, so good. I can't imagine a better way for them to react to Eidan realizing Vincent is his. My heart breaks for him it really does. And for Jenna. But poor Eidan! When I think of Vincent, I can't imagine how adorable he must be. Eidan and Vincent have my favorite features. Blue eyes and dark hair are the best. I wish Jenna could have just fallen into Eidan's arms and everything would be okay, but that's not realistic and I think I would have to stop reading if that happened, honestly. Nobody recovers from rape that easily. I can't wait til Lucan dies. He pissed me off when he killed Celeste. And I have absolutely no idea who the person in the italics is, so I'm very curious.
I've been waiting for this for such a long time! I remember I got a PM from you a while ago saying it would be up within a day or two and when it wasn't, I kept checking back. But I didn't want to bug you, so I let it be. Regardless, it was worth the wait. Very nicely done. Update soon, please!
3junebird28Gahhhh! oh my God, so, so good. I can't imagine a better way for them to react to Eidan realizing Vincent is his. My heart breaks for him it really does. And for Jenna. But poor Eidan! When I think of Vincent, I can't imagine how adorable he must be. Eidan and Vincent have my favorite features. Blue eyes and dark hair are the best. I wish Jenna could have just fallen into Eidan's arms and everything would be okay, but that's not realistic and I think I would have to stop reading if that happened, honestly. Nobody recovers from rape that easily. I can't wait til Lucan dies. He pissed me off when he killed Celeste. And I have absolutely no idea who the person in the italics is, so I'm very curious.
I've been waiting for this for such a long time! I remember I got a PM from you a while ago saying it would be up within a day or two and when it wasn't, I kept checking back. But I didn't want to bug you, so I let it be. Regardless, it was worth the wait. Very nicely done. Update soon, please!
12/26/2012 c52 findingss
Wow...just wow. I'm like mind blown over here. Little Vincent it so cute! Awww! - I knew it! I knew Jenna was pregnant and that Eidan did that to her. Hopefully in the future, Jenna will forgive him.
Wow...just wow. I'm like mind blown over here. Little Vincent it so cute! Awww! - I knew it! I knew Jenna was pregnant and that Eidan did that to her. Hopefully in the future, Jenna will forgive him.
12/26/2012 c52 1illusionae
Vincent is such a cute child! He kind of reminds me of what Jenna used to be like, but that must be because Jenna was really childish back then... That scene where Eidan was talking to Vincent was just too cute for me. I'm not even sure why because it was a short scene but I just really enjoyed reading Eidan's reactions to his son. He seems like he would make a wonderful father which is a shame because Jenna doesn't want him to be a part of Vincent's life... Speaking of which, I think Jenna's just too scared right now. She must be pushing away Eidan just so she wouldn't get hurt again, or at least I hope so. I refuse to believe that she actually wants to forget about her relationship with Eidan because they were such a cute couple! It would make me so very happy if Eidan, Jenna and Vincent could be one big happy family by the end of this story. Please update soon! Waiting for new chapters in this story is very painful for me! :(
1illusionaeVincent is such a cute child! He kind of reminds me of what Jenna used to be like, but that must be because Jenna was really childish back then... That scene where Eidan was talking to Vincent was just too cute for me. I'm not even sure why because it was a short scene but I just really enjoyed reading Eidan's reactions to his son. He seems like he would make a wonderful father which is a shame because Jenna doesn't want him to be a part of Vincent's life... Speaking of which, I think Jenna's just too scared right now. She must be pushing away Eidan just so she wouldn't get hurt again, or at least I hope so. I refuse to believe that she actually wants to forget about her relationship with Eidan because they were such a cute couple! It would make me so very happy if Eidan, Jenna and Vincent could be one big happy family by the end of this story. Please update soon! Waiting for new chapters in this story is very painful for me! :(
12/26/2012 c52 2CieloRayn
Lol great chapter ). I loved the interaction between vince and eidan. I think the italics are Lucan lol P
2CieloRaynLol great chapter ). I loved the interaction between vince and eidan. I think the italics are Lucan lol P
12/26/2012 c51 DutchAver
DAWUT. Okay. With Vincent's identity, you've seriously surprised me again, with her being Jenna's and Eidan's son and all. I should've seen it coming, but it was a surprise nonetheless. It's kind of hard to imagine Jenna being a mother, to be very honest with you xD She doesn't sound like a mother to me anyway, but maybe I'm still too stuck with the Jenna from the prologue. To say it in the beautiful words of Madame Vastra from Who: 'when did this baby... begin?' Presumably one of the nights they spent together before Eidan left. And now, I'm beginning to understand Jenna even better - she hates Eidan because it looks like he got her pregnant and then ran away ASAP. Poor Eidan, and poor Jenna too.
Where did Lucan learn such excellent magic, by the way? As far as I know, he hasn't practiced magic before, so it's a bit odd that he's so strong now. With the scythe and all.
I loved the start of your chapter. Really sad and it really got to me that the characters were recovering from the big blast Celeste's death gave them. Part of me wonders if she's really dead and can be brought back by ending the curse. Another part of me knows that that first part is just afraid to face the bitter truth. Still, I'm holding my hopes up.
I loved the fighting scene! I think Lucan lets Jenna go a bit too easily, but that's all the criticism I had. I was on the edge of my seat during it.
I'll read the next chapter tomorrow! I discovered one mistake:
'Mana blinked, and Jenna didn't wait for her to ask anymore questions.' These are supposed to be two words, any and more
Until next time!
DAWUT. Okay. With Vincent's identity, you've seriously surprised me again, with her being Jenna's and Eidan's son and all. I should've seen it coming, but it was a surprise nonetheless. It's kind of hard to imagine Jenna being a mother, to be very honest with you xD She doesn't sound like a mother to me anyway, but maybe I'm still too stuck with the Jenna from the prologue. To say it in the beautiful words of Madame Vastra from Who: 'when did this baby... begin?' Presumably one of the nights they spent together before Eidan left. And now, I'm beginning to understand Jenna even better - she hates Eidan because it looks like he got her pregnant and then ran away ASAP. Poor Eidan, and poor Jenna too.
Where did Lucan learn such excellent magic, by the way? As far as I know, he hasn't practiced magic before, so it's a bit odd that he's so strong now. With the scythe and all.
I loved the start of your chapter. Really sad and it really got to me that the characters were recovering from the big blast Celeste's death gave them. Part of me wonders if she's really dead and can be brought back by ending the curse. Another part of me knows that that first part is just afraid to face the bitter truth. Still, I'm holding my hopes up.
I loved the fighting scene! I think Lucan lets Jenna go a bit too easily, but that's all the criticism I had. I was on the edge of my seat during it.
I'll read the next chapter tomorrow! I discovered one mistake:
'Mana blinked, and Jenna didn't wait for her to ask anymore questions.' These are supposed to be two words, any and more
Until next time!
12/26/2012 c52 3thenutrunningthenuthouse
...Whoa. Well then, that uh, explained Vincent's conception. I swear, reading this chapter, and I still plain cannot imagine Eidan doing something like that. Crazy thing that darkness is.
Well, I don't know if Eidan, Jenna, and Vincent can be one a happy family. I mean, I'd like to see that (I see Eidan being an adorable father), but I think it'll definitely take some road blocks. I'm not normally the hugest fan of baby twists in stories, but I think this one is going to work really well. Also, please, let Jenna and Eidan somehow get back together. They were sooo cute and since Celeste/Caelum can't really happen anymore...
I swear, seeing Caelum now is so strange. Like, I feel like he's some wild lion who's behaved for long enough for the owners to take him off the leash, but i still suspect he's capable of some pretty crazy violence (perhaps to aid ending the curse? Perhaps not? I don't know).
But hah, I have to say, it does sound kind of mean to have Jenna tell Eidan to kill his sister. And haha, Lucan. Funny how seeing him dead doesn't sound so crazy anymore. C'mon Jenna, start some killin'! Now for Grace. Odd, if we had been told early in the story that Grace would die, I wouldn't have minded. Now - it's gonna be a tear-jerker if/when she does die.
Gahh, I have no idea how you're going to end this story. I just see it having a tragic ending and then having a really sweet ending. I hope it's a mix of both.
Anyway, update soon! I'm off to be nostalgic about the violence-prone young father character I had in one of the books I wrote this year...
3thenutrunningthenuthouse...Whoa. Well then, that uh, explained Vincent's conception. I swear, reading this chapter, and I still plain cannot imagine Eidan doing something like that. Crazy thing that darkness is.
Well, I don't know if Eidan, Jenna, and Vincent can be one a happy family. I mean, I'd like to see that (I see Eidan being an adorable father), but I think it'll definitely take some road blocks. I'm not normally the hugest fan of baby twists in stories, but I think this one is going to work really well. Also, please, let Jenna and Eidan somehow get back together. They were sooo cute and since Celeste/Caelum can't really happen anymore...
I swear, seeing Caelum now is so strange. Like, I feel like he's some wild lion who's behaved for long enough for the owners to take him off the leash, but i still suspect he's capable of some pretty crazy violence (perhaps to aid ending the curse? Perhaps not? I don't know).
But hah, I have to say, it does sound kind of mean to have Jenna tell Eidan to kill his sister. And haha, Lucan. Funny how seeing him dead doesn't sound so crazy anymore. C'mon Jenna, start some killin'! Now for Grace. Odd, if we had been told early in the story that Grace would die, I wouldn't have minded. Now - it's gonna be a tear-jerker if/when she does die.
Gahh, I have no idea how you're going to end this story. I just see it having a tragic ending and then having a really sweet ending. I hope it's a mix of both.
Anyway, update soon! I'm off to be nostalgic about the violence-prone young father character I had in one of the books I wrote this year...
12/20/2012 c6 83Deserthawk
OH MY GOD THIS REMINDS ME OF - a certain book. Not that I've ever read it, haha.
Nice scene at the end there. Your descriptions of Grace are cool. Especially her eyes.
Am I a terrible person for enjoying that? Like Jenna is kind of, mm still kind of a brat. She needs to toughen up seriously, or I'm just going to be rooting for Grace all the way here. How you gonna win Eidan if you're bawling all the time, girl? Unless that's the sort of thing he likes. Which makes me not like him.
I wonder if Grace has some sort of sense where Eidan is... otherwise that would make everything a lot more stalkerish/creepy.
I wonder what Eidan actually looks like. Since if Grace can change her hair he probably can too...
That was a cute Eidan/Jenna moment, with the hair. Props to you.
83DeserthawkOH MY GOD THIS REMINDS ME OF - a certain book. Not that I've ever read it, haha.
Nice scene at the end there. Your descriptions of Grace are cool. Especially her eyes.
Am I a terrible person for enjoying that? Like Jenna is kind of, mm still kind of a brat. She needs to toughen up seriously, or I'm just going to be rooting for Grace all the way here. How you gonna win Eidan if you're bawling all the time, girl? Unless that's the sort of thing he likes. Which makes me not like him.
I wonder if Grace has some sort of sense where Eidan is... otherwise that would make everything a lot more stalkerish/creepy.
I wonder what Eidan actually looks like. Since if Grace can change her hair he probably can too...
That was a cute Eidan/Jenna moment, with the hair. Props to you.
12/18/2012 c51 2CieloRayn
Lol I did ). I knew it all along P. Great chapter like always lots of suspense.
2CieloRaynLol I did ). I knew it all along P. Great chapter like always lots of suspense.
12/14/2012 c51 3junebird28
I'm addicted. So completely, totally, unfathomably addicted.
First things first, your writing is absolutely phenomenal. It's just so engaging. most authors on this site can't get away with writing paragraphs of prose just following the thoughts of the characters, but I find myself hanging on every single word.
next, the story line is so intricate and detailed, I have no idea how you thought of it so well and manage to keep everything coherent. I've been so into the story line that I've been blowing off studying for finals to read this.
third, characters. How you managed to make them each so convincing is beyond me. I find myself trying to predict how each one would react and it's amazing because I feel like I know them personally. My favorite is Zeph. He makes my heart happy. Maybe I just like a bad boy :P.
Eidan and Jenna's relationship is awesome. It is just so complicated, but it's not unrealistically complicated, if that makes any sense. Like the actual fundamentals of their relationship is believable. And I definitely saw the whole Vincent thing coming. I guessed that was what Eidan did to her and I guess I was right!
What else? Hmmmm, I could honestly go on and on about how great this is, I really could. But I have to wajee up for work in 5 hours, so I'm gonna leave it at that.
Fantastic, amazing story! Update soon please :D
3junebird28I'm addicted. So completely, totally, unfathomably addicted.
First things first, your writing is absolutely phenomenal. It's just so engaging. most authors on this site can't get away with writing paragraphs of prose just following the thoughts of the characters, but I find myself hanging on every single word.
next, the story line is so intricate and detailed, I have no idea how you thought of it so well and manage to keep everything coherent. I've been so into the story line that I've been blowing off studying for finals to read this.
third, characters. How you managed to make them each so convincing is beyond me. I find myself trying to predict how each one would react and it's amazing because I feel like I know them personally. My favorite is Zeph. He makes my heart happy. Maybe I just like a bad boy :P.
Eidan and Jenna's relationship is awesome. It is just so complicated, but it's not unrealistically complicated, if that makes any sense. Like the actual fundamentals of their relationship is believable. And I definitely saw the whole Vincent thing coming. I guessed that was what Eidan did to her and I guess I was right!
What else? Hmmmm, I could honestly go on and on about how great this is, I really could. But I have to wajee up for work in 5 hours, so I'm gonna leave it at that.
Fantastic, amazing story! Update soon please :D
12/10/2012 c51 1illusionae
I suspected that Vincent might be Jenna and Eidan's son... because of what Eidan did to Jenna when he was controlled by the darkness. Whilst it's really sad to see Jenna hating Eidan even though it wasn't his entire fault, I can sort of understand why she's doing it. I think she's just confused and anyone in her position would obviously have a grudge against Eidan. From her perspective, he raped her and then left her to look after a baby for three years WHILST BEING CURSED AT THE SAME TIME. Even though Eidan tried to help her, I can still understand why she's having difficulty listening to him. She's only human after all. Humans can be selfish and self pitying and Jenna is certainly an example of that.
However that doesn't mean that I want her to continue pushing him away... I hope that they sort things out soon! I miss all the cute romantic scenes between Jenna and Eidan! :(
As for Lucan, I only have one thing to say and that is I love the idea of him having a huge scythe and attacking Eidan. Since they're clones, the idea of a fight between them really got me excited. Great job on this chapter! PLEASE UPDATE SOON.
1illusionaeI suspected that Vincent might be Jenna and Eidan's son... because of what Eidan did to Jenna when he was controlled by the darkness. Whilst it's really sad to see Jenna hating Eidan even though it wasn't his entire fault, I can sort of understand why she's doing it. I think she's just confused and anyone in her position would obviously have a grudge against Eidan. From her perspective, he raped her and then left her to look after a baby for three years WHILST BEING CURSED AT THE SAME TIME. Even though Eidan tried to help her, I can still understand why she's having difficulty listening to him. She's only human after all. Humans can be selfish and self pitying and Jenna is certainly an example of that.
However that doesn't mean that I want her to continue pushing him away... I hope that they sort things out soon! I miss all the cute romantic scenes between Jenna and Eidan! :(
As for Lucan, I only have one thing to say and that is I love the idea of him having a huge scythe and attacking Eidan. Since they're clones, the idea of a fight between them really got me excited. Great job on this chapter! PLEASE UPDATE SOON.
12/10/2012 c51 V
Anon'ing 'cause too tired to sign in.
Er... First time and... what were the chances o_o Can't say I really had a positive reaction since I do not like small children... or people in general, but anyway. (Also maybe because I have an aversion to teen pregnancy in stories. Like there isn't enough of that irl, which isn't even fantasy...)
By a few chapters back it was already apparent what Eidan did, but no, a small child was not really what I was expecting because I actually thought Vincent was older. Though I wonder if Vincent has ever asked about his father. I don't know if kids that age wonder about that yet. And Eidan might be just a tad surprised that he has a son...
Okay Jenna was never one of my favourite characters but I vastly prefer younger pre-haircut Jenna. Just not a huge fan of her character in the present time. Hiya Eidan thanks for rescuing me now please gtfo. Uh, real welcoming? o_O Yes, Eidan did leave back then but he did it for her and Jenna went from desperately wanting to know why to not wanting to listen to it now, which is pretty sad. Yes he left; but he came back, didn't he?
Really not warming to Jenna. At -that- time, Eidan couldn't control the darkness so what he did wasn't directly his fault; the only problem I see with him is that he didn't explain where he was running off to. But Jenna kind of went from a sad phase to an all-out hate phase. "I don't know what you want, but I want you to leave" is kind of selfish no matter how you look at it. Sure, Jenna's probably pretty scarred, but if she's not going to forgive Eidan it would still be the right thing to hear him out, which she is pretty reluctant to do right now.
["MOMMY!" / There was no way that could have been Zeph.]
-LOL but it would've been hilarious if it was XD
The part I liked most this chapter was Lucan's fight scene... Not just because of Lucan and the fact that I like violence... but it was also the least depressing/angsty part of the whole chapter. I don't really have much to comment on there though, but I do wonder about this 'saviour' the italics keep alluding to. And I still think he's possessed as opposed to psycho.
Cbs nitpicking 'cause I'm tired (two 1-hour-one-way train trips in one day) so I'll leave the nitpicking to someone else.
But yeah. Good chapter anyways.
Anon'ing 'cause too tired to sign in.
Er... First time and... what were the chances o_o Can't say I really had a positive reaction since I do not like small children... or people in general, but anyway. (Also maybe because I have an aversion to teen pregnancy in stories. Like there isn't enough of that irl, which isn't even fantasy...)
By a few chapters back it was already apparent what Eidan did, but no, a small child was not really what I was expecting because I actually thought Vincent was older. Though I wonder if Vincent has ever asked about his father. I don't know if kids that age wonder about that yet. And Eidan might be just a tad surprised that he has a son...
Okay Jenna was never one of my favourite characters but I vastly prefer younger pre-haircut Jenna. Just not a huge fan of her character in the present time. Hiya Eidan thanks for rescuing me now please gtfo. Uh, real welcoming? o_O Yes, Eidan did leave back then but he did it for her and Jenna went from desperately wanting to know why to not wanting to listen to it now, which is pretty sad. Yes he left; but he came back, didn't he?
Really not warming to Jenna. At -that- time, Eidan couldn't control the darkness so what he did wasn't directly his fault; the only problem I see with him is that he didn't explain where he was running off to. But Jenna kind of went from a sad phase to an all-out hate phase. "I don't know what you want, but I want you to leave" is kind of selfish no matter how you look at it. Sure, Jenna's probably pretty scarred, but if she's not going to forgive Eidan it would still be the right thing to hear him out, which she is pretty reluctant to do right now.
["MOMMY!" / There was no way that could have been Zeph.]
-LOL but it would've been hilarious if it was XD
The part I liked most this chapter was Lucan's fight scene... Not just because of Lucan and the fact that I like violence... but it was also the least depressing/angsty part of the whole chapter. I don't really have much to comment on there though, but I do wonder about this 'saviour' the italics keep alluding to. And I still think he's possessed as opposed to psycho.
Cbs nitpicking 'cause I'm tired (two 1-hour-one-way train trips in one day) so I'll leave the nitpicking to someone else.
But yeah. Good chapter anyways.