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for Penumbrae

11/14/2012 c1 1Whiger
I started reading this story, and I got hooked. Love the two main characters, and I'm excited to read the other chapters.
11/13/2012 c50 1illusionae
You killed Celeste... You killed Celeste after you wrote about her and Caelum being so happy together... I can't believe you would do such a cruel twist of events but I have to say that I really like how this chapter was such a shock. I never thought much about the characters dying so this chapter was definite reality check!
But yay! I have finally caught up to this story! Now please update soon...
11/13/2012 c49 illusionae
So my internet chose the perfect moment to cut off whilst I was in the middle of reading your story yesterday. As I feared, someone else has claimed the 1000th review spot but that won't stop me from catching up to this story today!

I was really surprised about the timeskip, especially as it's THREE years. That's a really long time that Jenna and Eidan have been separated... Jenna looks like she's changed a lot but I like it. :) I hope her and Eidan are reunited soon because I'm guessing there will be a lot of romantic drama then.
11/12/2012 c1 1Mcgde
I can't wait to continue this. It seems so sweet, and I can't resist a good action romance story! Also, I noticed this is your thousandth review... (Wink wink cough cough) just saying.

Love this!

11/12/2012 c50 v-n-ll-y
Ookay so I wasn't planning to review this yet but I read it the other day and I had a lot of thoughts so I need to get them down before I forget them.

I like the little reminiscing about Zeph and Jenna's friendship. They've really come a long way since they first met. I also think readers can relate with Zeph in this part; he seems to miss the old Jenna, back when she wasn't so uptight and humourless about everything.

Kinda curious about what Vincent's like as a character still, and I hope we get to see what Mana's doing in more depth. At the moment we just vaguely know she's off somewhere doing something important so it would be nice to have a bit more detail on that.

Eh. You know me so you know I'm not really the type to care much for love-making scenes. Having said that, I can appreciate the way you used it as a device for this chapter; it gives Celeste's death a whole lot more impact because she and Caelum were probably happier than they've ever been in 2304923757238 years and then you go and kill her. Yeah.

Er. In the way of emotional impact, this chapter didn't have as much as it could have (although that could be because I already braced myself for someone to die because you couldn't help tweeting that someone was going to die).

Speaking of which, I think things have just become a whole lot more complicated for Caelum. Because Celeste died before they were able to end the curse. So if they end the curse then this whole reincarnation loop thing stops (I think? Correct me if I'm wrong) but now Celeste is already dead so if they don't end the curse then she'll be reincarnated again in another life, but then what is Caelum going to do by himself. Kinda awkward if you think of it that way. (I've probably forgotten something important about the curse so there are probably holes in my reasoning somewhere.)

Sigh. I'm not sure if Lucan is really insane or just possessed or something. Maybe they have to kill him to bring him back to normal but that would kind of be cruelly ironic and pointless if he's already dead by then. I still think he's more possessed than insane and it would be really upsetting if he died that way. But then generally speaking it's more tragic when they're back to normal and then they die.


Great to see Grace finally standing up to Ethel after being really passive for so long. Honestly I wouldn't have trusted Ethel to begin with if I were Eidan but then he's been really desperate to try to break the curse so in a way he was playing right into Ethel's hands, whatever it was that she had planned. I suppose it's not easy to choose which of your sisters to believe, but if you think about it he always seems to have been closer to Grace because Ethel's been more like an authority figure than a sister to him (if that makes any sense...).

Sadly I think after what crazy Lucan has done, Jenna might not have any qualms about killing him to break the curse (if she knows that's what she has to do, I can't remember...) but I'm not sure that Eidan is desperate enough to kill Grace...

So, while I'm glad Eidan reutrned to the human world, I can't help but think it's going to be incredibly awkward to be reunited with the crew again. I mean Jenna's in hating-Eidan mode at the moment (although there was that "it hurts when the person you love leaves you" quote... sneaky) so her reaction to Eidan is kind of unpredictable at this stage.

I actually liked how you ended the chapter with the epitaph instead of some other spooky italics. I'm just looking at it from a literary point of view. Generally speaking the things written on gravestones tend to be really poetic or really mournful or whatever, but Caelum's written a fairly plain message, which really suits his character. It's also a lot more optimistic than what you would normally find in an epitaph; instead of emphasising that she's dead, he's instead focusing on his hope to be with her again.

In terms of edits, I didn't see many problems, though there are a few words that could be changed.

[Jenna, who was sitting unceremoniously on a table]
-might swap out 'unceremoniously' for another word; for effective usage it's generally used with a dynamic verb to describe an abrupt action. I get the effect you're trying to go for but I can't think of a good substitute at the moment.

[But the blood grew.]
-'Grew' isn't wrong, per se, but feels a bit weak in this context. You could add elements to describe how quickly it's spreading or find a stronger word.

[tendrils of angry darkness growling from her feet, clawing for Grace.]
-Not sure about using 'growling' with darkness, but that's a personal point of view. If it's clawing for Grace in the next clause, though, it might be better to use a dynamic verb to describe the movement of the darkness instead.

[Royal garments did not bode well with weather.]
-I'd swap out 'bode' since that carries the meaning of 'foreshadow' or being an omen of something, and it doesn't really make sense in this context.

Anyway, good chapter. Wouldn't say I'm too upset about character death just yet. It'll just be when you start killing more characters that I start raging at you.
11/12/2012 c48 1illusionae
It is my goal to catch up to this story today because I will not only feel accomplished but I will also be giving you your thousandth review, so I'm hoping that no one will get the 1000th review before I do...

This chapter was again depressing. I hope that this whole part of the story isn't all sad because by the time I'm halfway, I will probably feel empty and lifeless. It's just really easy to get attached to your characters!
11/12/2012 c47 illusionae
NO NO NO NO. EIDAN CAN'T LEAVE JENNA. THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING TO THEM. Things are really getting sadder and it makes me even MORE sad because I just re-read some of the earlier chapters where Jenna and Eidan are so sweet together. It's such a shame that everything is falling apart now even though all Eidan did was try to help Jenna. :(
11/12/2012 c50 1Animel
Oh my goodness. I am in shock. Are you trying to destroy me?!

Clearly. Evil. Ahem, anyway, what I wanted to tell you was that I have been invested in Caelum and Celeste from the beginning and have loved following their story and valued it as much as Eidan and Jenna's if not more. It has always been such a beautiful tragedy, and I suppose it is fitting for it to have ended in that sort of way as well, although I must admit I did not see it coming and am quite devastated.

This story really stresses the great unfairness of life, be it from fate or gods or curses or a crazy person with an arrow, and the people who struggle against that unfairness to find some peace or happiness.
There is little more tragic than when they come so close to doing just that, overcoming many an obstacle, only to fail in the end.

Poor, poor Caelum. They just never had a chance, did they? I should be excited for Eidan to return, and of course I am, but it is tempered by sadness.

Keep writing!
11/12/2012 c46 1illusionae
It's clever how you've written the same scene from the prologue in this chapter but because you've done it in Eidan's POV, its really different now. I understand now because in Jenna's view, it could look like they were dying when the darkness took over everything. But to Eidan, that was just him letting the darkness in... I hope Eidan doesn't hurt her by the way. :(
11/11/2012 c50 3thenutrunningthenuthouse
- this review is being written as I have already finished the chapter -

I must say, this chapter really did go through a lot of emotions, and that death was seriously not expected with what transpired in the beginning with Jenna, Zeph, and all that coffee. I think that was a very clever start up. I mean, you've got me at least who totally didn't see that Celeste thing coming. Nice job on that. Sometimes I wonder how much deep thought goes into just how events transpire and in what order they happen in. I think I can assume there's definitely some that goes in.

Must say, that love scene (everything from the cottage talk to the sex) was really well done. I love how you portray Caelum and Celeste's relationship as this really sweet thing. I mean, if you think about Caelum, He-Who-Makes-Babies-Cry and Celeste, it seems like such a not greatly functioning relationship. I think it really showed another side to Caelum (I don't know why, but I loved the part where you described him singing/humming as he took off Celeste's clothes. I think it had something to do with a cute habit, but I dunno). The fact that he said he loved someone in and of itself was crazy. Once again, I'm pathetic that I didn't see some tragedy coming out of the love scene...

Have you done drawings of Celeste and Caelum? I don't know why, but I'm having a hard time picturing them.

Anyway, that death scene. Yeah, you know I didn't see it coming. And when it did, like first of all, fuuuu Lucan, that's not cool. You just go killing gods in mortal form? Ugh, it's like Tui's death but no Aang-as-giant-spirit-fish action. I don't know if I just wasn't in a teary mood when I read this chapter, but it felt a *tiny**TINY* bit cliche. I mean, I guess it's hard to write a non-cliche death scene. I definitely appreciated the fact that she actually did die. Most of the times in those romance novels, the love interests pour their hearts out to each other BUT THEN THEY DON'T DIE. Anyway, just take that to mean if you look over this book as a whole, it may be one scene to tweak. It worked just fine, I'm just trusting my instincts (and we all know where Sokka's instincts led him).

So I legit thought Caelum was going to freak out. Wonder if that scene's for later.

But Eidan's back! :D Yay, return to the people, Eidan! Caelum needs you! And Jenna, Zeph, and Mana. Y'see, with this curse, I can see Jenna killing Lucan, but I don't know about Eidan killing Grace. (Funny now she's such a sympathetic character. I remember when I hated her) I mean, it could happen, but it'll be super weird and sad when it does.

Great chapter! :)
11/11/2012 c50 levisama
Argh. I think I'm still shedding tears as I write this review. That was such a sad chapter and I can't believe that you would write a happy romantic scene between Caelum and Celeste, only to kill her in the next scene. That is pure evil. Dramatic but pure evil... But I must say that this chapter was beautifully written. From Jenna and Zeph's friendship to Caelum and Celeste's relationship to Grace helping Eidan escape.

Speaking of Grace, I was VERY proud of her when she finally stood up to Ethel. Even though she's still a bit weak, she chose to protect her brother which I thought was perfect development for her character.

I also loved the scene with Eidan in the end. It was so heartbreaking when he put the flowers by Celeste's grave and how the mood just turned calm and depressing at the same time. I think that was my favourite scene in this chapter. The descriptions and the atmosphere was lovely. Plus the ending! I like how instead of ending the chapter with the italics that you normally finish them in, you ended it with Caelum's message that only made it feel like this chapter was piercing me with much much more sadness.

I hope you update soon! I can't wait to see how Eidan and Jenna meet again!
11/11/2012 c50 1Writing In Ink Forever
omg. I loved this chapter! I'll miss Celeste, but if a character didn't die it wouldn't be a... "Good" story? Is that weird? Lol.

Jenna. She makes me laugh, lol. Her relationship with Zeph is changing. :3 Ots interesting. In a good way.

Ethel is a lunatic, and I hope she dies at the end. Haha. Is that mean? :P
10/31/2012 c49 DutchAver
Wow. Okay, I expected a lot for this new part, but a time-skip three years forward was most certainly NOT what I was expecting. I like it, though - you're keeping us on our toes. And I like how a lot has changed in the meanwhile too, in the relationships between them all. It's really really sad to see Jenna hate Eidan, btw :( She has all the reason to, but it's still really really sad, because it's obvious she's still really heartbroken over the whole thing.
I was a bit confused in the beginning, about who narrated this bit. I thought it was Mana, but it took me a while to notice that it was Jenna instead. Maybe fix that later?
By the way. I love how the barriers between the kingdoms are slowly fading away, as they're now helping each other out. Beautiful. At the start of this story, I really had the idea that every kingdom minded its own business, but now, the kingdoms are working together. Unthinkable in a previous chapter, and therefore beautiful. Jenna's gang truly has had their impact on this world. Another thing that was unthinkable in the previous chapter, is the way Caelum acts - it's no longer a secret that Caelum loves Celeste deeply, and that development is beautiful.
And what was also unthinkable back then, is how Lucan acts. (Stupid me - I really thought he had been killed in a previous chapter. Don't know where I got that from) He's a mass murderer and a power-hungry fool now, it seems. He has reason to - he just lost everything - but it's sad anyway. Is he the main villain of this sixth part?
By the way, who is 'Vi-' in the 'obviously, she couldn't forget about Vi-' sentence? I'm sure you mentioned it some time before, but I just don't recall it. So I apologize for that in advance.
Anyway, great chapter! November is really really close now, so I won't be able to review as quickly as I do now(which isn't fairly quickly, TBH) but I'll see what I can do whilst I'm writing my 100.000 words. Can't wait for the next chapter, though!
10/31/2012 c1 1Bryanna
What a great prologue! You have me hooked :)

(And thanks for helping me figure out how to make links clickable, lol. You rock!)
10/30/2012 c49 CharilMZ
Oh you're killing me with this subtlety! Now that I've got this idea of mine in my head, everything I read seems to support it! The sudden appearance of this Vin-someone, Jenna's attitude-180 (girl's packing heat!), the way she reacts when Eidan is mentioned... I'm kinda hesitant to start spouting my own theories, in case I'm totally wrong and then other readers see my review and then it spreads wtf, but man, every chapter just seems to strengthen it haha. I'll put it aside for now.

Can't really speak for Mana yet, but it seems like Zeph is the only character who hasn't really had a major personality change over the past few years. It seems more like his attitudes toward Jenna, Celeste, and Caelum just came naturally from being in their company so often. I think it's nice that, at least in this chapter, he remains as kind of a support beam for the readers, staying relatively unchanged so that you have the freedom to tweak the rest of the characters and not completely throw the readers off. Celeste's and Caelum's dynamic here is nice to see, too; we haven't really seen a whole lot of them in comparison to the other characters, so I get the feeling that with Eidan out of the scene and Mana off in the Earth Kingdom, we'll be getting to see a bit more of them and how they've been adapting.

As for Eidan himself, not a whole lot to see from this chapter, but it seems like he won't be adjusting to Balandria, if after three years he still only views it as a necessity to his training. It gives me hope that he won't be completely consumed by the darkness by the story's end... but then again, he's basically completely lost what he used to have with Jenna, even if my theory is incorrect and just judging by the way she reacts to the thought of him in this chapter. Who I really feel for here is Grace. I've always kind of had a soft spot for her, and it seems like she's about ready to break down here. Not that it's surprising; between Ethel's solution to Eidan's curse, and Lucan's madness, she's had a lot to deal with lately.

Anyway, really great chapter; not a whole lot of progress by for what it was-a transition-it was written very well!

(And I like your drawing! Jenna looks like such a BAMF, I like her more now :D)
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