for Sweet Little Things10/1/2011 c1 
16Dragon made me do it
I really enjoyed the concept of this story when I read the blurb. Since I live on a different side of the world to both opossums and yourself, I certainly would not notice if your version differed entirely from real opossums. If you were worried about this though, you could always change the name to something slightly different like an oepossum or something.
I think you have done a good job of establishing the perspective from another creature's point of view. the combination of pride and slight confusion at the job they have been given.
Just a few picky details on wording:
'This part involves fleeing, and hence dashing around and hiding ensues on different layers of the foliage.' - I had trouble following what you meant in this sentence. I would have thought you needed a noun where you have put the word 'ensues', or if you mean that the act of hiding ensues, the creature would be hiding the 'in' different layers, not on them.
'the good ideals of self-preservation'- 'virtue' or 'importance' might be more fitting than 'good ideals'
'it is really getting to be the time to leave' - take out 'the'
'My stomach ties itself to knots.' - Replace 'to' with 'in'
'Never underestimate an opossum's capability for cold cruelty.' - 'capacity' would go better here than capability.
I enjoyed the cute yet malevolent nature of these creatures, would be nice to see you finish the story :-)
16Dragon made me do itI really enjoyed the concept of this story when I read the blurb. Since I live on a different side of the world to both opossums and yourself, I certainly would not notice if your version differed entirely from real opossums. If you were worried about this though, you could always change the name to something slightly different like an oepossum or something.
I think you have done a good job of establishing the perspective from another creature's point of view. the combination of pride and slight confusion at the job they have been given.
Just a few picky details on wording:
'This part involves fleeing, and hence dashing around and hiding ensues on different layers of the foliage.' - I had trouble following what you meant in this sentence. I would have thought you needed a noun where you have put the word 'ensues', or if you mean that the act of hiding ensues, the creature would be hiding the 'in' different layers, not on them.
'the good ideals of self-preservation'- 'virtue' or 'importance' might be more fitting than 'good ideals'
'it is really getting to be the time to leave' - take out 'the'
'My stomach ties itself to knots.' - Replace 'to' with 'in'
'Never underestimate an opossum's capability for cold cruelty.' - 'capacity' would go better here than capability.
I enjoyed the cute yet malevolent nature of these creatures, would be nice to see you finish the story :-)
2/2/2011 c1 this wild abyss
I didn't at all like the concept and employment of this piece because it felt all too typical and like there was nothing especially new or original about it. I did like the narrator's tone because it made the piece more interesting and gave it a certain sort of atmosphere that enhanced the writing style.
I didn't at all like the concept and employment of this piece because it felt all too typical and like there was nothing especially new or original about it. I did like the narrator's tone because it made the piece more interesting and gave it a certain sort of atmosphere that enhanced the writing style.