for Cinderella vs Prince Charming12/9/2012 c1 jaymar padua
hi ilove you
hi ilove you
3/17/2012 c1 AJ Garcia
Oh, I like where this is going, even though I don't really get what is going on=)
Oh, I like where this is going, even though I don't really get what is going on=)
12/3/2011 c20 Lune
While, you have a penchant for witty dialogue that moves the plot around nicely, your plot itself is simply begging to be fleshed out. Characterization, description, use of scenery and mood-they would all add such significant life and breadth to your story that it seems a crime to leave it without.
Already your story is pleasant and engaging with its playful quips and well characterized dialogue, but it reads more like script than story and lacks the full impact of its glory because of it.
Perhaps consider re-writing this? With patience and editing I can see this actually being published as a teen novel and being rather successful.
While, you have a penchant for witty dialogue that moves the plot around nicely, your plot itself is simply begging to be fleshed out. Characterization, description, use of scenery and mood-they would all add such significant life and breadth to your story that it seems a crime to leave it without.
Already your story is pleasant and engaging with its playful quips and well characterized dialogue, but it reads more like script than story and lacks the full impact of its glory because of it.
Perhaps consider re-writing this? With patience and editing I can see this actually being published as a teen novel and being rather successful.
9/27/2011 c41 
11Krystal Rock
You know, I should be utterly and flippin' mad at you, but since you slready started the second book im not,
11Krystal RockYou know, I should be utterly and flippin' mad at you, but since you slready started the second book im not,
9/26/2011 c38 Krystal Rock
'So is punching you, you turn all sorts of interesting colours"
That was by far the funniest thing i've heard in this book.
We'll I gotta go do homework. 'Till tomorrow-
Krystal
'So is punching you, you turn all sorts of interesting colours"
That was by far the funniest thing i've heard in this book.
We'll I gotta go do homework. 'Till tomorrow-
Krystal
9/26/2011 c24 Krystal Rock
"Who died and made you king?"
I think he took it literally!
More like a Road Runner...meep meep!
"Who died and made you king?"
I think he took it literally!
More like a Road Runner...meep meep!
9/26/2011 c23 Krystal Rock
The prince laughed. "Of course I have a license. I'm not an idiot."
"I beg to differ."
The prince laughed. "Of course I have a license. I'm not an idiot."
"I beg to differ."
9/26/2011 c17 Krystal Rock
Val nodded sharply though she wore a small smile. "I have two little sisters. Fresh baked cookies are a great bribe to kids their ages."
You know, this is very important triva for older sisters. I would pay attention. =)
Val nodded sharply though she wore a small smile. "I have two little sisters. Fresh baked cookies are a great bribe to kids their ages."
You know, this is very important triva for older sisters. I would pay attention. =)
9/26/2011 c16 Krystal Rock
That one guy that said: "So our duties are the same as ever." is like...me funny!
And let me tell you, that is utterly hilarious.
That one guy that said: "So our duties are the same as ever." is like...me funny!
And let me tell you, that is utterly hilarious.