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for You Know You Want Me

11/16/2010 c1 jmr79au
It was a bit too forceful for my liking, like he was semi raping her.

Not to sound too prudish, but maybe you could have had him going a bit slower if she had told him she was a virgin and then working through the pain of it, but it still ending being lustful.

I don't know. I have read quite a few one shots and this is just a suggestion.
11/14/2010 c1 SometimesG
I think you could refine this first chapter a little bit..don't put everything all at once and go slower with the pacing if you want to continue with it.

There are conflicts to be explored here...and of course, I want some hot but consensual scenes. I think you should continue.
11/13/2010 c1 1Peachy-09
This is great! I think it's a fantastic one shot and who cares about it being original? More soon!

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