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for The Journey of Love, Secrets and Guilt

12/3/2010 c1 7Novocaine for the Soul
This sounds interesting. There are a few grammar/tense mistakes but a beta could help you with that.
12/2/2010 c3 5ILveJcb
OMG!John is the little girl's dad?Oh, wow!That was such a surprise to me!Hmm...now that's interesting!Im looking forward to the next chapter!Things are picking up now...

Just another little tip-Im being so annoying!-When you are changing scenes etc, instead of doing lots of *'s just do one and do it on a new line. It makes it look more professional, y'know what I mean?

This chapter was great! Keep it up!
12/2/2010 c3 CrystalGW34
I wonder who Hermione's father is. Could it be John? You don't have to answer that if you don't want to spoil the plot. Anyway, I'm looking forward to reading more of this story so please update soon. Nicely done. :)
12/2/2010 c2 CrystalGW34
First he lost his partner and now his brother. Poor guy. The ending where his brother's ghost pays him a visit was a nice way to end the chapter. I wonder what David meant when he said he was in panic and ran away from the problem. Also I'm intrigued to find out what he meant when he said 'we're not the only one who has secrets'. I'm enjoying this story. Now I'm off to read the next chapter. :)
12/2/2010 c1 CrystalGW34
So sad that his partner didn't make it. I can see why what happened would make him a cold man. Anyway, I'm off to read more. :)
12/1/2010 c3 Sodnekdnskhjb
Great chapter! You have really good detail! Please update soon!

11/30/2010 c2 ILveJcb
Alright...first I'll be evil and tell you the mistakes...

-there are many spelling errors, you get your tenses very mixed up, what I mean is that you use prsent tense, then past which can be a little confusing...There are a few gramatocal errors. So...what I mean is..when a new person starts to talk, you'll have to strat a new line. When someone speaks, it'll start with a capital letter. If one person is speaking you shouldnt start new lines. e.g.'What the hell?' John looked around to see what was going on- the mobile rang, bringing John back to reality.

'What the hell?' John sat up and although it was confirmed that he just dreamt of David, the fact that it felt so real scared him.

That could have been all in one line. Do you know what I mean? Also, try to make it flow a little more naturally. The structure of the story is very stacato-ish. Have linking sentences.

I hope you dont hate me :P They are the main things that stuck out.

Now...with the good things. The way you have described John is very nice. I think he sounds pretty handsome; although...dont you think 6ft9 is VERY tall? Anyway. I'd like to see what happens to John in Sydney.

PS: From Julia Quinn, I absolutely love the Brigertons! Although I've nearly read all of her books, I think they are the best. Oh, and I also love Dancing at Midnight and its sequels too. From Nora Roberts I love The right Path, the Donovan series, Jewels of the sun, Tears of teh moon and heart of the ocean, The dream triology, Chesapeak quartet. Thats all i can remember at the moment.

PSS:I have noticed a few things with your english and I was curious if English was your first language?And thanks a lot for wishing me luck with my exams!
11/30/2010 c2 Sodnekdnskhjb
Good chapter. This story's coming along well. Just a few grammar things I would fix, just to make it flow more. But your story, itself, is pretty good right now. Don't stop writing. :)

11/27/2010 c2 8castiel89
Dun dun dun. Hmm. David's hiding something... John's police work/skills may just come in handy!
11/27/2010 c1 castiel89
You're off to a good start! Change 'doesn't' to 'don't' or 'didn't' when Detective Anderson startles him. It'll flow better :)
11/25/2010 c1 2Il0VEUsomuch
Hm. this is actually pretty good :)

hahha.. i need to read the next one alreaady!

hahah i should actually thank you for asking me to read your story. cuz im already interested. KEEP IT UP!

-my mom's calling for me.. so i have to read the rest tomorrow :(-


P.S. I know it's too soon. but i love John xD
11/23/2010 c1 Brooke Jones
I like where this could be heading. I'll certainly read the next chapters ^^

/ Brooke
11/16/2010 c1 3RubyStar07

I checked out your story and I'm sure glad to. It was great! The shop scene and the actions were done very well. Poor Alex :( I like the direction it's going so can't wait for the next chapter!

Update soon!

11/15/2010 c1 Sodnekdnskhjb
It's good. It's really good. :) Haha I can see this going somewhere. Keep it up!

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