for Like Eiderdown & Disendowers12/23/2010 c1 Mariah
Love what you have so far.. A little choppy at a few parts but I would love to see more! I want to know what happens next.
Love what you have so far.. A little choppy at a few parts but I would love to see more! I want to know what happens next.
12/17/2010 c3 Limpy
So good! Keep going please!
So good! Keep going please!
12/14/2010 c1 this wild abyss
The opening of this piece was very informative, I thought. You added sufficient detail for readers to understand what was going on, but not so much that it bogged down the actual storyline and made interest wane. The only suggestion I'd have in that area would be to actually separate it into a prologue of sorts, as it didn't really fit with the more personal tone of the rest of the chapter.
I'm a little iffy on the plot itself. In a store, I would never have bought this. However, so far you seem to have presented this maturely, and I think that if handled right, you could really make something out of this storyline.
The pace was good for the most part. I didn't feel that you dragged or rushed in any specific place, and the timing seemed logical in most places.
I did enjoy this. Your scene breaks were awkward at times, causing a drop in the smoothness, but I found this to be an entertaining read. Not astounding by any means, but certainly decent.
The opening of this piece was very informative, I thought. You added sufficient detail for readers to understand what was going on, but not so much that it bogged down the actual storyline and made interest wane. The only suggestion I'd have in that area would be to actually separate it into a prologue of sorts, as it didn't really fit with the more personal tone of the rest of the chapter.
I'm a little iffy on the plot itself. In a store, I would never have bought this. However, so far you seem to have presented this maturely, and I think that if handled right, you could really make something out of this storyline.
The pace was good for the most part. I didn't feel that you dragged or rushed in any specific place, and the timing seemed logical in most places.
I did enjoy this. Your scene breaks were awkward at times, causing a drop in the smoothness, but I found this to be an entertaining read. Not astounding by any means, but certainly decent.
12/13/2010 c3 
3TheClosetWriter16
This is becoming kind of dark, but I still like the story :)
Update soon!
3TheClosetWriter16This is becoming kind of dark, but I still like the story :)
Update soon!
12/3/2010 c2 Alphatau
I usually don’t read drama, but this was good because of how you told the story. The detail about the story and appearances of Reb or Dan and what they did so far aren’t over stated but they’re detailed enough to paint a picture in your mind.
I also liked how the people were presented realistically. They’re dynamic, for example Dan’s dialogue and stuff shows a range of emotions. He’s not one dimensional.
As for unlikes, a little more scenery detail couldn’t hurt to set the scene and add to the dynamic-ness of the characters.
You could go into a little more depth about how Rebecca feels about Phelan and the debt. It’s still an early chapter, so I’m not expecting too much but it’d be nice.
I usually don’t read drama, but this was good because of how you told the story. The detail about the story and appearances of Reb or Dan and what they did so far aren’t over stated but they’re detailed enough to paint a picture in your mind.
I also liked how the people were presented realistically. They’re dynamic, for example Dan’s dialogue and stuff shows a range of emotions. He’s not one dimensional.
As for unlikes, a little more scenery detail couldn’t hurt to set the scene and add to the dynamic-ness of the characters.
You could go into a little more depth about how Rebecca feels about Phelan and the debt. It’s still an early chapter, so I’m not expecting too much but it’d be nice.
11/30/2010 c2 backtodecember
I feel so badly for Rebecca, Phelan wanting to adopt her to let go of her brother's debts. I liked this chapter but I did find the beginning a little confusing, starting out with a new character with no immediate inclination of who he is. But nevertheless, it was good. I liked how you ended it... Rebecca simply shrugging and leaving, unlike some people who might spill the whole tale to Mr. Waters - just to have someone listen to them.
I feel so badly for Rebecca, Phelan wanting to adopt her to let go of her brother's debts. I liked this chapter but I did find the beginning a little confusing, starting out with a new character with no immediate inclination of who he is. But nevertheless, it was good. I liked how you ended it... Rebecca simply shrugging and leaving, unlike some people who might spill the whole tale to Mr. Waters - just to have someone listen to them.
11/30/2010 c1 backtodecember
This was a good start and I liked how you started somewhere other than the typical first day of school, I have a crush on my teacher type thing. It was refreshing. One suggestion I have is maybe add a little background info. in here somewhere because I kept wondering about who they were, etc. Ya know? But, it was good. There were a few typos but nothing that took away from the reading of this.
This was a good start and I liked how you started somewhere other than the typical first day of school, I have a crush on my teacher type thing. It was refreshing. One suggestion I have is maybe add a little background info. in here somewhere because I kept wondering about who they were, etc. Ya know? But, it was good. There were a few typos but nothing that took away from the reading of this.
11/27/2010 c2 Marbeth
I think your story is great. Some of the student/teacher stories are really outrageous with no real depth. This story is paced well and you are establishing the characters and the plot line in hopes that the romance will be believable. Keep up the good work!
I think your story is great. Some of the student/teacher stories are really outrageous with no real depth. This story is paced well and you are establishing the characters and the plot line in hopes that the romance will be believable. Keep up the good work!
11/24/2010 c1 Anoymous
I really liked this- I hope you will continue writing this :D
I really liked this- I hope you will continue writing this :D
11/19/2010 c1 TheClosetWriter16
Great :)
Nice plot!
I dont mind if u change the rating
Update soon!
BEVERLY!
Great :)
Nice plot!
I dont mind if u change the rating
Update soon!
BEVERLY!
11/18/2010 c1 58n.p-simmons
This was good.. but one thing is really obvious and I HAVE to ask it: do you/did you read JennieMR's Obstinate Rose? Because I think it's ironic you and her have the same character names...
58n.p-simmonsThis was good.. but one thing is really obvious and I HAVE to ask it: do you/did you read JennieMR's Obstinate Rose? Because I think it's ironic you and her have the same character names...