for Model2/4/2011 c1 Shadow of Isis
This was a great story. You handled past tense well, there was no confusion or awkward spots...for me. I'll admit I'm not a perfectionist on that kind of stuff, but I do have some standards, and I was impressed. The chemistry between Max and Daniel was pretty steamy, and for a short-story you really laid the groundwork well. (Considering you had to compress the timeline.) That sex scene...yowza!
The slight complaint I would have is that I have a hard time believing Daniel is still a model. That's an aggressive industry where you have to really want it. I can see her mother dragging her in initially, but then, with her strong will, I can see her dumping it. Just a tiny thing, and you more than made up for it.
This was a great story. You handled past tense well, there was no confusion or awkward spots...for me. I'll admit I'm not a perfectionist on that kind of stuff, but I do have some standards, and I was impressed. The chemistry between Max and Daniel was pretty steamy, and for a short-story you really laid the groundwork well. (Considering you had to compress the timeline.) That sex scene...yowza!
The slight complaint I would have is that I have a hard time believing Daniel is still a model. That's an aggressive industry where you have to really want it. I can see her mother dragging her in initially, but then, with her strong will, I can see her dumping it. Just a tiny thing, and you more than made up for it.