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3/11/2012 c1 60AppleCrumble
Amazing! Great piece. I loved it! It just draws you in and is brill! Keep writing :-)
8/20/2011 c1 1choco-rose
Idk why but I wanted to read your stories so I read this one and I got to say :D I loved it :D this has got to be one of the best one shots I've ever read on fictionpress...and I dont really like one-shots to much...there to short for me ahahah
12/4/2010 c1 7drats
That was cute. And sweet :)

Corrections:

'We'd been talking, mostly him about the latest place his band was going to play at and as I'd stared at his lips, not paying attention to anything that was coming out of them.'

-Needs to be turned into: We'd been talking, mostly him, about the latest place his band was going to play at, while I just stared at his lips, not paying attention to anything that was coming out of them. (There's two extra commas and I changed the words 'and as' to while.

I was tempted to stop his jibber jabbers and so I'd kissed them, brushing my lips softly over his and just before he could reject or respond to my little moment.

-You say she was tempted to but then she did. So you either have to change the tempted to a wanted, or go: ...jibber jabbers and kiss him. I did, brushing...

-Actually the next part needs some help as well: brushing my lips softly over his and just before he could reject or respond to my little moment. Jumping back and I had run out of the room calling behind my shoulder 'Bet you can't catch me!'

^^ Maybe change to: ..softly over his, and just before he could reject or respond to my little moment, I jumped back and ran out of the room calling over my shoulder, 'Bet you can't catch me!'

You didn't explain who Alex was, if he/she, and as they aren't really that important, maybe just say 'my brother/sister hid here as kids from my father.'

This part-For me to do something like that was, just unbelievable. When I was younger I had promised myself never to kiss a man that didn't feel the same way about me as I did about him. Though, that promise was broken every time and I almost hit myself for every moment I spent with the wrong man. -Is sort of confusing. You can still leave it in the story, but it just doesn't make much sense to me. Maybe ti would help to leave out the promise she made when she was younger and just say: For me to do something like that was just unbelievable. I didn't usually kiss anyone unless I was certain the man liked me as much as I liked him. Though, from experience, it didn't always work out that way, sometimes I just fell for the wrong man.

^^And then with the next sentence: To be honest, it had been quite a while since I had kissed anyone and I guess when I had finally met him I knew that besides his cockiness and sarcasm, I knew that I would eventually fall for him.

The latter parts of the sentence are muddled. Maybe: ...I had finally met him I knew, that besides his cockiness and sarcasm, I would eventually fall for him.

^^Then the next part So ... maybe the running might not be the smartest thing, but it felt right.

-I think you need to expand on what your meaning is there, what she means by it, why does it feel right, or leave it out altogether.

The first parts a little confusing as well and irrelevant to the story, maybe explain a bit more? or just leave it i guess, doesn't really matter.

The titles fitting, but I think the summary needs some work.

Umm, suggestions. how about: I admit it, I'm hiding from him. His smirk began to replace his sly smile and I cursed softly as he began to walk towards me. "Stealing kisses is a bad habit especially when-" cutting himself off he quietly whispered into my ear, "I found you!" ONE-SHOT

Or: I was tempted to stop his jibber jabbers and kiss them. I did, brushing my lips softly over his, and just before he could reject or respond to my little moment, I jumped back and ran out of the room calling over my shoulder, 'Bet you can't catch me!' ONE-SHOT

Hope this review helped. Good job again. Bye. Happy writing. :)
12/4/2010 c1 25SargentLooneyPencil
aw.. so sweet... great job btw.. =)

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