for Under the flag of pain12/3/2010 c1 
18Snowflakes Are Drifting
Okay. Well it was a rather interesting read. The only things you need to work on is details. Tell us where we are at. What is happening? Who are the characters? What are they like? Also you cannot jump from items to items. You need more details to build up the things to come. An example, It cannot just be: I stood up. Somethings outside. I yell. I punch Max hard. He lies on the ground. That have no details between them, and that makes them not concrete and vague. Otherwise, it was a great story! ;P btw can you review one of my story too?
It's call the "Survival of the Fittest"
18Snowflakes Are DriftingOkay. Well it was a rather interesting read. The only things you need to work on is details. Tell us where we are at. What is happening? Who are the characters? What are they like? Also you cannot jump from items to items. You need more details to build up the things to come. An example, It cannot just be: I stood up. Somethings outside. I yell. I punch Max hard. He lies on the ground. That have no details between them, and that makes them not concrete and vague. Otherwise, it was a great story! ;P btw can you review one of my story too?
It's call the "Survival of the Fittest"